


Not a Pipe Dream

by Booksbreakhearts



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil will make it all okay, Anxiety, Don't worry, Just after The Raven King, Just before The King's Men, Other, Panic Attacks, Pray for me, first ever fanfic, the foxhole court - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:18:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 46,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9281903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booksbreakhearts/pseuds/Booksbreakhearts
Summary: Starting at the very moment the Raven King (Book 2) ends, Neil is back in Palmetto but he can't escape the torment that he experienced with the Ravens.Andrew is released from Easthaven early, completely clean, and when he arrives unexpectedly back at the stadium to find Neil not exactly how he left him (and boy does he hate people touching his things) it takes all his efforts not to reverse years of training himself to feel nothing at allThe other Foxes aren't back to begin with and God knows what they'll find when they arrive back.(Jesus Christ that was a painfully bad summary..sorry)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well...Hello I guess! I want to start this by saying this is the first ever fanfiction I have ever written (first anything I have ever written really) and so before you proceed know that it isn't going to be great. To be honest I expect it will probably be horrific so proceed with caution. I was inspired to start writing this after reading my_unlikely_hero's TFC Fanfiction 'Not Damsels, Not Knights' (seriously guys go read it, it is great) and whilst they both start at the same point in time I like to hope that mine is going to be hella different (Not that I would ever complain about writing something that awesome). I am super new to all of this so any feedback at all I will eagerly anticipate with open arms!  
> Also you should probably know that I can't spell or punctuate to save my life so I beg of you to help me if you see my drowning in errors.  
> I guess all I need to say now is Enjoy!!!!...right??

Neil hadn’t moved since midnight. Once the Ball had dropped and he’d texted the Foxes he had silently placed his grey flip phone on Wymack’s coffee table, slipped out of his trainers and led back on the sofa. It hadn’t taken him long to drift from consciousness with the rich,bitter scent of the Coach’s scotch and the murmur of the presenters in Times Square quickly fading into the background and then at some point ceasing all together. As he lay with his right hand fisted tightly in his auburn hair and body wrapped protectively around itself, Wymack sat wordlessly in the armchair adjacent, too afraid that if he looked a way for a second or chose the wrong moment to rest his eyes, then Neil would awake and they would have a repeat of the previous evening’s Mirror incident.

_Jesus Christ_ Wymack thought as his eyes traced two painfully blackened bruises across Neil’s back that looked suspiciously like they had been caused by successive swings with the tail end of an Exy racket. He had seen enough Exy induced injuries over the years to learn the distinguish between the accidental and the deliberately malicious. Whatever hell the poor kid had experienced these past two weeks, David couldn’t even begin to imagine. He had seen players over the years from the worst of backgrounds;teenagers that had been beaten and abused and were hell bent on suicide or wasting their lives in a drug induced haze. When Neil had first arrived in Palmetto in May he was a mess. He had flinched at every touch and readied himself so that at that first sign of danger he could flee through the quickest route. It had taken him months to calm down and let himself settle but even in December he had been far from okay. This - that crazed, fearful look in his eyes, the way his body strained to get away from human contact and the constant tremor in his right hand- were so, so much worse. And Wymack didn’t know if even Neil could come back from this.

 

At around 3:00am, when the main celebrations and coverage of the New Year had passed and he was sure that Neil was in a deep enough sleep to not startle at his movements, David flicked off the Tv and set the bottle of Scotch on the table, wincing as the sound of glass on wood rang through the apartment. Quickly he checked the prone figure for signs of disturbance but apart from the slight tightening of the hand in his hair he remained still. Poor kid must be really out of it. David recalled all the times that Neil had dozed off in the locker rooms or around the Foxes only to wake up to the slightest of noises and be ready on his feet in an instant and realised even further just how serious their current situation was. Even with him showing no hurry to wake, another moment or two passed before David risked moving again, only this time, after taking a deep breath, he braced his arm on the side of the chair and pulled himself to his feet. A sharp pain at his hip caused him to stifle a groan, close his eyes and give himself a moment to let it fade to its usual dull ache. As soon as that had happened he began to silently navigate himself across the apartment, maneuvering around discarded piles and picking up the pile of Neil’s bloody bandages that he had cut off and then proceeded to shove to one side. When he was safely across the room in the apartment’s kitchen and the bandages were pushed to the bottom of the bin David picked up his phone from where it was charging on the window ledge. The light at the top flashed green to signify he had a new message and when he swiped to unlock it he was greeted with ‘ **Happy New Year!!** ’ texts from six of his Foxes and Abby. He didn’t bother responding to any of the players, knowing that they didn’t expect him to, but he did stop to open up a media message from Nicky. It turned out to be a picture taken at 12:03am in Times Square. The lights from all of the billboards cast a strange orange lighting on the four foxes but he could easily make out their faces among the crowd. Nicky stood grinning his wide toothed smile, tongue slightly sticking out at the corner. In one hand he clasped the brown neck of a bottle of beer and in the other he obviously held the phone, using his long arms to try and get the best angle for the picture. Just behind him Matt’s towering form held up an identical bottle to Nicky’s in salute as he too smiled at the camera with his usual warm smile and kind eyes.

Unfortunately, the other two players weren’t as enthusiastic. Aaron stared at the camera with a look of such disgust and distaste that could only be exceeded by his twin Andrew (when he bothered to show any emotion at all). And finally, stood furthest away from the camera, with his hood drawn up to show only the slightest section of his face, was Kevin. Even in the strange lighting and with his face angled away Wymack could still make out the cruel black of the ‘2’ on the top of his cheekbone that sent a pain through his chest every time he saw it. His chosen drink hung low at his side; a clear liquid in a glass bottle that Wymack had a sneaking suspicion was not water. Despite his current situation, Wymack still decided to save the picture to his phone and print it off later knowing that Dan would likely want to see it and stick it up with the others in the locker room.

Once he had quickly checked that none of his texts from the Foxes were to confess to a New Year’s murder or to ask to be picked up from a prison he opened up Abby’s messages and started to type. He has meant to text her immediately after getting back with Neil to ask her to come round and check him out, but between realising just how out of it Neil was and being too nervous to leave him alone when he was awake, he had failed to get round to it. Now he quickly read through the message he had written -concise and straight to the point- and hit send.

_**I Picked Neil up from the airport last night. He is in bad shape and i need you to look at him for me tomorrow.** _

The writing at the bottom indicated that it was read only a minute later and a reply followed swiftly giving him only enough time to look up to check on Neil (still asleep but turned now so that his face was pressed into the back cushions of the sofa) before the text came through.

**_Jesus, David! I can be over within the hour if you need me now?!?_ **

He knew Abby meant what she said and probably wanted to come over as soon as possible to ensure that Neil was still breathing. There were a few minutes where he debated letting her come round now, second guessing that he hadn’t missed some serious or life threatening injury. But then he remembered the crazed look in the poor kid’s eyes and figured that right now the last thing he needed was waking up and Abby coming to fuss about him. So instead he let her know that for now Neil had been sufficiently assessed and that he would see her at 10:00am that morning. Once he was certain that it had sent he locked his phone and rested his head on the kitchen counter, promising himself that he was just going to shut his eyes until Abby replied.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil doesn't respond well to suddenly being pulled back into the real world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow you really want to carry on with this? Sure, Go Ahead. I'll just leave this chapter here for if you fancy a load of painful Neil angst.

Two swift raps on the door of the apartment and a single loud bang pulled Wymack back to reality and left him cursing himself for being so stupid. How had he let himself fall asleep when he was supposed to be watching Neil? How had he let time slip away from him so drastically? And how the _fuck_ had he ended up leaning against the cupboard doors on his kitchen floor? With as much speed and as little grace as his hip would allow him David pulled himself back to his feet and focused his eyes on the sofa that Neil had been sleeping on earlier. When he first saw only the empty red cushions his mind leapt straight to the worst explanations. _Shit.Shit.Shit._ “Neil?” The single word clawed its way up his throat, edged in panic and worry for the safety of his striker. But as soon as it was out of his mouth he caught sight of Neil’s hunched figure. With his bare back pressed as far into the side of the armchair as he could manage and his knee hunched up close to his chest, Neil had succeeded in obscuring the view of himself from most points in the room, namely the door from which the knocking had sounded. Powerful, racked breaths shook his bruised body as his lungs took in air at an alarmingly fast rate and those cruel, pale blue eyes focussed desperately on an invisible point on the floor.

In a heartbeat Wymack was crouched down on the floor in front of Neil so that their faces were level with one another. He didn’t give himself even a second to acknowledge the likely source of Abby at the door, trusting that if it was her she would understand his need to go to Neil first and would let herself in when he didn’t come running. With both his hands hanging at his sides and his head angled down to try and seize Neil’s attention, Wymack kept his voice as controlled but authoritative as he could. “Neil! Neil, I need you to look at me.” When Neil failed to show even the slightest sign of hearing him and his eyes began to flicker shut under the dark grasp of unconsciousness, Wymack resorted to clicking his fingers at the side of Neil’s head. On his second attempt he heard the door swing open behind him and Abby stepped into the apartment. Her steps faltered. Her bag dropped to the ground. In an instant she was crouched down on Neil’s right side, using one hand to smooth back his auburn fringe that was sticking in sweaty curls to his forehead, and the other to pick up his limp arm and try to take his pulse. He made a weak attempt to burrow further into the side of the armchair away from Abby’s hands but with his eyes now firmly closed and a heartbreaking sound of anguish he didn’t get very far.

“Bloody hell David! How was long has he been like this?” Abby worked swiftly on Neil as she questioned Wymack, first lifting up his eyelid to check if he was conscious before proceeding to lay him slowly down onto to his side with his head cradled in her lap. For the second time in as many minutes, Wymack cursed himself for falling asleep in the kitchen and hoped to whoever was listening that Neil had moved from the sofa after hearing to knock on the door and hadn’t in fact been there in this state for longer. He recalled the thud he had heard when he woke up and tried to provide himself some small amount of twisted comfort. “Only since you knocked on the door. I think it may have startled him awake and caused him to wake.” Upon seeing the sudden look of horror that crossed Abby’s face Wymack quickly added, “Not that I am passing the blame onto you. It’s those twisted shits that did this to him that are to blame.” Abby’s pale hands hesitated only slightly as she raised an eyebrow in a silent conveying of the message _I’m not going to ask now but believe me I am not going to forget what you said._

With her focus now back on Neil’s unmoving body, David couldn’t help but follow her gaze and become deeply unnerved by just grey and lifeless the kid really looked; If it hadn’t been for the shallow breaths, so different to the violent pants from only a moment before, that moved his marred chest every few seconds then the comparison between a corpse and the striker would not have been too drastic.

“Is he-Is he going to be okay, Abby?” Coach tried to keep his voice steady but he couldn’t help the concern that caused him to stutter and increase his pitch towards the end. He knew it was irrational but he found himself avoiding her eye contact as he waited for her reply, feeling that if he looked up and saw an apology in Abby’s eyes then he would know that this was more serious than they could handle. Thankfully after a shaky breathe and one last survey of his body she nodded once and then a second time with more confidence. “Yeah. Yeah he should be okay. I think it was the hyperventilating that caused him to black out and not one of the-” Her voice fluctuated on the next word as if only now noticing them, “the injuries.” She looked as if she straining not to launch herself into an interrogation of how the hell the mottled bruises and ugly cuts had come to merge with the older, lifelong collection of scars on Neil’s body. Instead she hovered her hand a few centimetres above the marks and traced them down his arm as if hoping that through sheer concentration she would be able to wipe them away. “He should be round in a minute or two but it will take him a little while to pull himself back into one piece and fully settle down.” Despite her best efforts Wymack couldn’t help but notice Abby’s slight flinch at her own words. They both new from just looking at Neil that it was going to take longer than a couple of minutes for him to be back in one piece and God knows whether he would ever settle down.

 

When Neil next opened his eyes the world was on its side and blurry around the edges. It took him till the count of ten for his vision to fully focus and for him to realise that he was led on his side, head propped up with a pair of feet walking slowly towards him around discarded piles of rubbish. His instincts told him to get the hell away from this advancing figure but for some reason just beyond his mind’s grasp his body betrayed him and the most he could manage was to hunch his shoulders in.

“Hey Neil, it’s okay.” a woman’s voice crooned from directly behind him. That, combined with the still advancing man and a sudden hand on his shoulder, caused him to flinch violently and send a sharp twinge through his groggy head. Sensing his clear uncomfort the hand disappeared from his shoulder just as the pair of muddy trainers came to a stop in front. The body lowered itself into a crouch directly in front of Neil and instantly became recognisable as the Coach in the same stained and rumpled clothing as the night before. In one hand he firmly clasped the top of a pint glass of water and in the other a damp wash cloth dripped tiny drops rhythmically onto the wooden floor. An expression of concern masked his face and the three words he uttered were coated in the emotion to. “You okay kid?”

All at once the events from - _God how long had he been out?_ \- came rushing back to him. The bang on the door that had torn him from sleep. The bang that had sounded far too similar to the sound of Riko hammering his racket on the stadium floor to make his presence known, far too similar to sound the of the fists, the kicks and Exy balls that had assaulted him over the past three - no two- weeks in The Nest. He had needed to get away from the sound but he had let himself panic in his confusion and had let the fear take over. Somehow he had ended up here on the floor but right now all he wanted was to get back up. As he struggled with uncooperative limbs and a confused mind to right himself he batted away the hands that hovered around him (he now realised that the pat before and female voice had to belong to Abby) he began to utter the same phrase again and again. “I’m sorry.” he started with his throat cutting like sandpaper. The next time he said it was coated in more desperation and soon it became a continuous chant _“I’msorry.I’msorry.I’msorryI’msosorry”_ Saying those words were the last thing keeping him grounded and from starting to hyperventilate again. Neil realised after almost a minute of continuously trying that standing right now was a futile attempt so instead he sat himself against the side of the armchair and stared down at the floor again in defeat.

He focused his site on a single small chip in the flooring only a few inches in front of his foot and tried to block out the room around him. Still despite his best efforts he couldn’t help his eyes from flicking to see Wymack shifting his feet into a position that provided more stability as he leaned forward to hold the glass out as peace offering. “Now Neil, considering your current,”-Wymack moved the glass in a broad arc to indicate Neil’s still shirtless figure- “situation I am doing you a justice by keeping my voice calm and collected. I promise you I won’t shout. But I swear Neil...God I’ve told you so many times. Don’t you ever, ever say sorry again for something that isn’t your fault” He punctuated each word in the final sentence with so much passion that Neil couldn’t help but stop his murmurings all together and look up into Wymack’s warm brown eyes. Worry etched itself into the wrinkles and bags around his eyes; not just the concern from moments ago when Neil had panicked but scars that had taken up permanent residence in the years since Wymack had started the Foxes and met the teenagers that needed a second chance. Neil couldn’t help but silently chide himself for adding to his problems and had to stop himself after beginning another apology by taking the glass from his Coach’s outstretched hand and nodding in thanks.

As he sipped the water in slow, steady sips he felt the tightness ie felt the tightness in throat begin to ease and the final dregs of confusion slip away. Blood began to flow back to his limbs and soon his breathing had returned to an almost normal pace. Realising he had still failed to acknowledge Abby -whose presence he could now feel to his right- he turned to face her, setting the glass down as he did so. Abby studied him with the same intense worry as Wymack only hers had to clear underlying tone of a maternal figure that just wanted her children safe. Already Nel had began to calculate what he would say to her first. _Sorry about flinching at your touch before. Sorry about panicking at the knock on the door._ However he quickly recalled Coach’s words and altered his own to something he hoped would be a little more appropriate, “I don’t want you to think it was your fault that I panicked before. The knock just startled me from sleep.” He stopped before he turned the blame on himself and hoped that Coach would accept the alternative greeting as at least a slight improvement. Either way he didn’t expect Abby to feel much weight to his words as, let’s face it, he wasn’t the most reassuring of people. Remarkably, a genuine and sincere smile appeared on her face as she took in his words and let a tiny surprised laugh escape her. “Thank You, Neil. You’ve got a bit more colour coming back to you now so if you don’t mind I want to give you a full once over.”

At her words he suddenly realised just how exposed her was. Abby had seen his scars once before when he had arrived in May but since then he had tried his hardest to cover up the puckered, torn and raw skin that crossed over his arms and torso. Now bruises also covered most of his body in large, blackened patterns shaped remarkably like Exy balls, rackets and a single wooden cane. Others were caused more simply by the fists and feet of the black-clad Ravens or the thin lines of parallel knife wounds that Riko had taken so much pleasure in carving into his body. Neil knew that he was a physical wreck, that needed Abby to inspect his wounds and understand that if he pushed this back till later his mind would only carry him away. The thought of her hands touching his injuries coated his skin in an uncomfortable film and his muscle tightened as he ran his hands along the tops of his thighs in distaste. Before he found himself asking her to do it later he nodded and pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Okay but can we do it on the sofa?” Neil knew that it would be a miracle if he managed to sit calmly through the examination -especially when it came to Abby asking to see the injuries on his legs - but at least sat on the sofa it would give him more comfort and ease to stand up with.

“Of course, sweet.” She replied, obviously surprised at his immediate cooperation. With a nod at Wymack and a slight tip of her head, the two adults climbed to their feet. As Abby momentarily excused herself to go and collect her medical bag from where she had dropped it upon coming in, Wymack was left to focus his attention back to where Neil sat. With a slight quirk of his lip and and an outward sigh , the elder man held out his arm in mock reluctance. It took Neil a second longer than it should to realise that he was holding out his hand in an offering to help him to his feet. This single action ,a simple act to pull him up, spoke to Neil on a far deeper level. He couldn’t remember the last time he had let himself rely upon another person to help him in a troubling time. He couldn’t think past his recent memories of his Raven experience to a time when he didn’t flinch back from another person’s touch. But with one powerful, controlled inhale Neil Josten lifted up his right arm, clasped the Coach’s hand and rose to his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I applaud you for making it to the end. You know what else I would applaud you for? Popping me a little bit of feedback in the comments section, from one piece of Andreil trash to another. (Surely you can see I need a boat load of help?)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! Tis me! I just want to say a super big thank you to everyone that had read and commented on my first two chapters! I can almost feel my icy heart thawing in love and gratitude! This chapter isn't my favourite because it is a long-en and a bit of a slow burner but from how this chapter ends I think you should be able to tell that Chapter 4 is going to bring some...erm..problems...Five-foot-tall-balls-of-fury related problems....

It was harder than Neil had anticipated to sit still and try not to flinch every time Abby’s cool hands brushed his skin. Each slight skim of her delicate fingers as she unwound his bandages and inspected every one of the marrs on his skin sent a wave of nausea coursing through his body and dragged him back to long,dark nights and long, dark days where threats were made and carried out. His body felt clammy, even without a shirt on, and his breathing felt restricted under the constant strain of repressing the anxiety that threatened to take over. When they had first moved over from the floor to the seat Neil on the sofa and Abby on the coffee table she had lifted up her bag and set about unpacking its contents.Upon noticing the distaste with which Neil focused on the medical bag she had begun to talk to him in the soft,motherly tone that he had only ever experienced with her.

She started by telling him about her Christmas; how she had cooked a big dinner for her and Wymack and how severely she had overestimated how much food the two of them could eat - so much so that they had been dealing with the leftovers ever since. At some point the topic switched to when she had first moved to Palmetto and started working with the team but Neil didn’t hear much after the first few sentences. Abby avoided any reference to where Neil had been over the holidays, either because she didn’t want to know or more likely she didn’t think Neil was ready to talk about it. Once he realised she wasn’t going to immediately ask him any questions he let his eyes close and his focus drift. Her hands on the bandages became an almost non existent presence and her voice was all but background noise. It felt so unnatural for Neil to be awake and sitting so still after weeks of training and training with only the barest minimum of hours reserved for sleep. Thankfully, with Abby’s voice tethering him to Palmetto his mind wasn’t dragged back to the torture of The Nest. Instead he felt frozen, halfway between reality and oblivion but he wasn’t complaining. It was nice to be able to breath for a moment; it was a relief to feel like he didn’t need to run. For the first time in a long time Neil could almost say he felt calm.

Unfortunately his attention was forced back to reality when he realised that he could no longer hear Abby’s voice. Neil opened his heavy eyes to find her looking at him with her eyebrows furrowed and a questioning look on her face. “Do you mind?” It took Neil a few seconds too long to process that Abby was asking his permission for something that he must have missed whilst lost in thought and that there was nothing in his immediate surroundings to indicate what it could have been. “Sorry, what?” he finally asked with an apologetic tone and a tilt of his head. From the swift glance that passed between Abby and Wymack - who has drifted over to stand behind her shoulder - he could tell that she must have already asked him ‘what’ more than once or twice.

“I’ve finished assessing the majority of your upper body injuries”, Abby told him delicately, “and now I need to check the rest of you over.” She used the hand that wasn’t gripping her knee tightly to indicate his legs and feet, still safely hidden inside the grey tracksuit bottoms and plain black socks. The broken sound that rushed out of his throat was a strange combination of a gasp of understanding and a sigh of defeat. Neil had known that at some point he would have to let her look at the rest of his injuries but for some stupid reason he hadn’t thought it would happen so soon. Of course he was starting to built a relationship between these two adults that some would say resembled trust but did that mean he could sit there so vulnerably and let them look at every injury, both from December and his life before?

But then Neil processed that just 12 hours before he wouldn’t have expected to ever find himself sitting without a top on in front of anybody. Coach and Abby had accepted and tended to every wound and scar on his body with little more than a pained expression and not a single demand for an answer. With that thought still at the forefront of his mind his took a wobbly breathe and said, “Okay.”

The shock at his immediate compliance was evident in their matching facial expressions and their delay to stand up as Neil hauled himself from the sofa. His knees and ankles screamed at his suddenness to get up but he wanted to get this over with before he lost his courage once again. With his thumbs tucked behind the waistband of the tracksuit he gently pulled the material away from his hips and down over his legs. Once he had reached his ankles he carefully stepped out of the trousers and kicked them to one side. As he bent down to pull off the socks, Neil felt the vertebres of his spine pop in protest and couldn’t help the hiss of air that escaped between his clamped teeth. He sensed Coach and Abby moving closer but neither of them dared to touch him, with the memory of his flinches still fresh in their memories. Neil dropped the socks onto his crumpled trousers and with only his boxers left on, rose back to his feet.

Abby and Coach didn’t say anything as Neil stood back up. Both of them couldn’t help but stare at the injuries that enveloped his lower half. Bruises very similar to the two on his back covered the tops of his thighs; thick, straight lines caused by a blunt force hit with an Exy racket. His knees were blackened and speckled with scabs from landing harshly after being tripped or simply having no energy to carry on playing. Both of his ankles were bruised but the one on his left was swollen painfully and finally, at the bottom, his feet were bloody, raw and caked in broken blisters from being forced to wear trainers that didn’t fit, for hours on end.

The silence seemed to drag on endlessly and all the while Neil began to regret his rashness even more. When he felt like he was about to fracture under the intensity of their gaze, Wymack looked up to meet Neil’s eyes. The man looked so broken. His eyes looked so full of emotion yet so empty but he must have seen Neil close to the edge as the next second he cleared his throat and pulled Abby back from her stupor to.

Without their scrutiny Neil was able to unclench his fists and meet their gaze. He could tell his silence was making them uneasy so he turned to Abby and, with only a slight waver in his voice, asked “Would you like me to sit down?”.

She jumped as if his words had shocked her but soon regained her composure and summoned her warm smile. “Yes please.”

Sitting down was so much easier than standing up so it didn’t take them long to resume the same position they had been in a moment before; Neil perched on the sofa cushions and Abby resting on the table top. Starting from the top with the bruises and making her way down towards his feet, she started to assess the injuries almost instantly. The bruises were incredibly tender, despite being one of the first injuries he received, and feeling somebody’s hands brushing over them - no matter how tender- sent a rush of revulsion up his body.

Just as it seemed Abby was about to start up a new story, Coach’s phone began to ring from the kitchen counter. The three of them all looked towards where the mobile was blasting out Billy Idol but Wymack made no move to answer it and instead turned back towards the others.

“You should probably get that,” Abby suggested as the ringing continued, “it could be one of the Foxes.”

Something in those words must have struck a chord in the Coach as with a grumble he strode over to the phone and snatched it up. It took only the barest of glances at the number on the screen for him to swear under his breath, press the answer button and indicate to Abby and Neil that he was going to step outside and take the call.

Without his presence in the apartment, the space suddenly seemed infinitely larger and emptier. Neil was now free to focus his attention on Abby - who was doing a terrible job of hiding her concern - and quirk an eyebrow up in question.

“I’m sure it is nothing to be worried about Neil. It’s probably Nicky or Matt calling to double check Wednesday night’s flight times or…” Abby’s voice trailed off as she resumed cleaning Neil’s cuts and he was left to wonder what on earth could have gotten Coach and Abby so jumpy?

There was only one immediate answer that came to mind but he was currently shut up in Easthaven and wouldn’t be back in Palmetto until Tuesday at the earliest.

It didn’t take long for Abby to finish checking Neil over as the wounds on his leg couldn’t be healed with anything but bandages, care and rest. Two cuts on his torso would perhaps need stitches but there was a good chance that if Abby checked over them for the next few days they would be okay with just bandages. Wymack was still missing so with nothing to do but sit and wait for him to return, Neil suggested that he go for a shower. His skin felt sweaty and dirty from his burning temperature and he wanted nothing more than a few moments alone. He could tell that Abby wasn’t in full support of the idea of leaving Neil alone in the bathroom but didn’t want to keep him sat here against his will. “Okay but wait here for one moment.”

With that Abby walked over to bathroom and slipped in through the door. From Neil’s point on the sofa he couldn’t see what exactly she was doing but he could tell that she was hunched over and rummaging through the bathroom cabinet. She returned a moment later without any indication of what she had been doing but with Neil’s keen eyes it wasn’t hard to spot the shape of a razor pushed up of her sleeve.

He tried to not feel insulted that she thought he would seek out a sharp object the moment he was left alone but then he remembered what he had done upon seeing his reflection the night before and decided that maybe it was a good thing to have somebody looking out for him.

Neil walked straight towards the bathroom, slowing only slightly to allow Abby to provide him with the reassurance that ‘If he needed anything she would be just outside’ and closed the door. The first thing he did, before turning the shower’s tap on as hot as it would go, was to hang one of Wymack’s spare towels over the mirror to block his reflection. Even catching the slight glimpse of the auburn and blue in the glass halted his breathing for a moment and he had to brace himself on the side of the sink to get it back under control. Once he felt reassured that letting go wouldn’t meaning breaking down, Neil released the sink, took of his last piece of clothing and stepped into the shower.

The water was burning and unrelenting but the pain it caused as it hit his skin was strangely comforting and grounding. The soap too, stung as he rubbed it into his cuts but he couldn’t help it. He seemed to like the pain.

As seemed to be happening far too often since he returned from The Nest, Neil began to lose track of time. The minutes seemed to slip by too quickly or seconds dragged out for hours so by the time he eased his aching and red body out from behind the shower curtain he had no idea how long had passed. The only towels that Wymack had on offer (Neil was incredibly surprised that he owned more than one) were a greyish white and it was with great reluctance and care to avoid any open cuts that Neil wrapped one around his hips and began to dry off.

From outside of the bathroom Neil heard the front door open and the sound of Wymack storming back into the apartment. The words Abby supplied to greet him were lost somewhere between the wood and Neil but when he stepped closer to the door and hesitantly pressed his ear to the lock, the two words that Wymack replied with were crystal clear.

 

“It’s Andrew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo! Please accept this meddle for reaching the end in one piece! (If you skipped straight to the end without reading? Well who could blame you.) Did you like the ending? Did you? Did you?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so remember how I said this chapter was going to have Andrew? Well originally it did. I mean I had a hefty 4000 word chapter with Andrew coming back but then I thought that some of you might not want to read a chapter that long and so I split into two. So here I am giving you two chapters + Andrew instead of one chapter. How good does that sound? *wink* *wink* I hope that you enjoy these two chapters but I should probably warn you I have spent a good few hours typing it and haven't actually read back through it (bad idea I know). I hope you enjoy regardless!  
> Also I want to say the biggest thank you to every person that comments! They honestly make me really really happen and brighten up my day!

Neil couldn’t breathe. Those two words had enough control over him that hearing them force their way through the door locked every one of his joints in place and stole his breath. It couldn’t be Andrew! Andrew was still in Easthaven, safely under lock and key until tomorrow at the earliest when the doctors predicted it would be safe to release him. He couldn’t have hurt anyone with the level of security they had in that place; nobody would have been able to get to him unless they were to work directly with him to get him off of his medicine. Visitors had been strictly prohibited and-

The realisation dawned on him as his thoughts raced ahead at an incomprehensible speed. The only ones that would be able to reach him were the doctors and there was one in particular that would have the hidden desire to ruin a broken boy. The same doctor that Riko had warned Neil that he had bribed and was the sole reason that Neil had handed himself over to the Ravens. He had gone to the Nest under the agreement that two weeks training would protect Andrew from the horrors that Easthaven had to offer but what worth did Riko’s words really have? How could Neil have been so stupid to believe that Riko wouldn’t just screw them both over and laugh at the pain he inflicted? 8 months ago he wouldn’t have let himself fall for something like this and when he gave himself a moment to think about what had changed within him it wasn’t so hard to see the root of the problem; He had allowed himself to become desperate.

With the force of a crazed man he unlocked the bathroom door and swung it open to face a wild eyed Abby and Wymack. The shock of his abrupt entrance was evident by their gaping mouths, clearly brought to a standstill mid-conversation and now waiting for some indication of what was wrong. Neil couldn’t help but notice how Wymack’s eyes flicked to mirror behind Neil, still covered by the towel, and then back at him with a knowing glance. Under any other circumstances Neil wouldn’t have been found with only a towel around his waist, making the black bruises stand stark against his pale skin, but he wasn’t thinking straight. Abby looked as though she was about to ask him if he was okay but at the first syllable he cut her off with, “Andrew.” His breath was coming back to him - be it in laboured gasps- but he needed to know, “Is he okay?”

Clearly that hadn’t be what either of them expected Neil to ask as, for the first time, they broke their gaze away from him and turned to one another. After some silent conversing between the two of them Wymack began to move hesitantly towards Neil as if approaching a deer that he thought would startle at one wrong move. “ I should have known you would be listening in, Kid,” Wymack began, “Andrew’s all right - well as all right as Andrew can be- that was Easthaven on the phone. They’re going to discharge him earlier than planned. This afternoon actually.”

The words didn’t register with Neil as quickly as they should have. It didn’t make sense the first few times he played the sentences through his head but on the sixth or seventh try it began to make sense. Andrew wasn’t hurt. He wasn’t in trouble. He was safe. They were going to discharge him. As his breathing finally began to return to normal he couldn’t seem to form a reply for Wymack. However after several moments of empty silence and Neil staring desperately at the floor he managed to force out a single word. “Why?”

Clearly glad for the reply, Wymack wasted no time in replying, “Ha, God only knows. They probably got sick of him and wanted him gone. But now it means I have to make that bloody eight hour round trip 24 hours earlier than I initially didn’t want to.”

All Neil could do in response was nod and stare blankly ahead at Abby as she made her way towards them, Neil’s duffle bag in hand, and stop as close to Wymack as she could. As usual she had managed to plaster her unconvincing-but-still-motherly smile on her face and repress any of the pity that she really felt. “Now I suppose that as that is all cleared up you want to get dressed. You can pop on some clean underwear and trousers but I do really need to bandage up your torso and arms before-” , her voice trailed as she unzipped his duffle bag and looked inside. When Neil and Wymack glanced down to see what had stopped her it wasn’t hard to realise what it was; neatly folded and perfectly arranged inside the bag was a black Raven’s tracksuit with JOSTEN along the side was there to replace all of the tops and trousers Neil knew he had packed when leaving Palmetto. His heart stopped and he felt sick. He turned and darted back into the bathroom just in time to begin dry heaving into the toilet bowl. Wymack followed on instinct but remembered to stay at a safe distance and not touch Neil when he was in such a vulnerable state. He remained behind him, letting him know that he was there.

_God if there had been any doubt in Abby or Wymack’s mind as to where he had been_ Neil knew that it was gone now. They were smart enough to figure out that the Nest had to be where Neil had been broken but why he had gone there- well they would be trying to figure that out.

When he knew that there was nothing left for him to throw up, he turned his head towards his Coach and croaked out, “I didn’t want to go. I’m a Fox and they can’t change that.” His voice broke and he felt so close to crying out but he couldn’t let himself because he knew that if he did he may not stop. With too much pain and anguish for one face, Wymack lowered himself down to Neil’s height and told him it was okay; that Neil didn’t need to talk about it right now; that all he had to do was breathe. They all felt like lies but for once Neil didn’t want to argue and felt content to just ease himself away from the edge.

At some point Abby must have brought in Neil’s grey sweatpants and a pair of boxers from his bag (it seemed Riko didn’t care enough to take out everything) because at Coach’s encouragement and turned back, he eased them on over his ruined feet and bruised legs. When he was decent from the waist down he coughed to Coach, who turned and began to help ease Neil to his feet.

“I’m coming with you.” Neil said when he felt secure in the knowledge he wouldn’t fall back down. “To get Andrew.” , he elaborated when Coach replied with only a blank stare. He knew what Wymack’s - and maybe even Abby’s- response would be but he wasn’t going to give in. They would say no and maybe even try to make him stay here, but there was no way that he wasn’t going to be there to see Andrew walking out of Easthaven. Wymack let out a dry, humourless laugh as if waiting for Neil to tell him he was kidding. “Jesus Kid if you think I am going to let you within a mile radius of Andrew until I have checked him over you a very much mistaken. You -”

His testimony was cut short before he could start his second sentence but for once it wasn’t down to Neil. Abby had joined them in the bathroom with bandages, plasters and tape in hand and had begun to lay them out in the side of the sink. “I think it would be a good idea for Neil to come with us to pick up Andrew. Obviously I am going to come with you and there is no way we are leaving Neil here by himself but mainly, Andrew seems to acknowledge Neil - well, at least more than you or I.” Abby delivered all of this without so much as a glance in the others’ direction but turned up on her final word to face David appeared to challenge him. “Would you care to argue?”

Neil couldn’t help but be shocked at Abby’s delivery but also couldn’t help the small spark of appreciation that sparked through him. Clearly Wymack was shocked and betrayed as with an exasperated sigh and a wave of his arms he left the bathroom, informing Neil and Abby that whilst Neil was being patched up, he would go and get Neil some clothes (presumably from his room at the campus) and pick up a late breakfast for the trip as it was quickly approaching midday. The apartment door closed and for the second time that hour it was just Neil and Abby again.

It didn’t take too long for Abby to wrap the bandages over Neil’s arms, waist and feet and stick the large plasters over the cut across his backs and shoulders, as he perched on the toilet lid.. She didn’t pry when Neil asked for her to put a plaster over the tattoo on his cheekbone, just as she hadn’t asked once where it had come from. Unlike this morning he didn’t flinch at her touch but that was likely down to the fact that he couldn’t drag his thoughts away from anything but the image of a blond five foot ball of pure anger that had no medication weighing him down. He knew subconsciously that an extra 24 hours wouldn’t have given him enough time to come up with a convincing lie as to why he was so damaged but that didn’t mean he felt anymore ready to meet with him now. He had four hours once they hit the road to make up his mind as to how he would explain his Christmas to Andrew when he asked (if he asked. The chances were that he just wouldn’t care).

Once Neil was bandaged and Abby had double checked that nothing was too tight, she handed Neil one of Coach’s worn red hoodies. It was far too big on him, he realised as he pulled it gingerly over his aching shoulders but that was precisely the point. None of the material clung to the bandages or bruises and instead moved freely over his body, causing no unnecessary discomfort. Next he pulled an excessively large pair of socks over his bandaged feet and noted how it was improbable he would be able to force them back into his trainers - not that he wanted to. When Wymack texted to tell Abby he was waiting in the car outside, Neil clambered to his feet and took the the two painkillers Abby had produced from the side of the sink, before following her out the car.

The Coach’s rusted jeep was idling on the curb with Wymack tapping his hand against the steering wheel in the driver’s seat. Abby motioned for Neil to climb into the back and once he had safely hauled himself up into the seat and brushed the dirt from his socks, Abby got into the passenger seat next to David.

“Brunch is in the bag by your feet and your coffee is in the middle.”, Wymack told him as he started the engine. Secured in a polystyrene tub were two halves of a cheese and tomato toastie, oozing a worrying amount of grease. Neil cringed at the thought of putting something like that in his body but he couldn’t remember the last thing he had eaten and wasn’t about to refuse the food that Wymack had bought. He settled back in the seat and hesitantly started the sandwich.

Abby turned in her seat as the jeep pulled away and bumped down the curb.“Let us know if you need anything Neil. Any reason and we can stop or pull over.” He didn’t bother with a Thank you or smile. He just looked up over his food and shook his head, “I’m fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO WELCOME TO THE END!  
> Keep reading for Andrew's Entrance or ya know, if you are a bit bored by now come back another time :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN...DUN...DUNN I PRESENT TO YOU A BLOND PINT SIZED BOTTLE OF FURY (no not Aaron the other one)!  
> I really really hope you guys like this chapter because I have been waiting to get to Andrew for ages! Please let me know what you guys think of these past two chapters as, like usual, your comments make my day!

The drive to Easthaven was blissfully uneventful. Wymack listened intently to a 60s Rock radio broadcast and shouted obscenities at every driver that drove below the speed limit, whilst Abby flicked lazily through a medical magazine and chided him after every insult. Neither of them really tried to talk to Neil after the first hour of the journey when he made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to talk or stop for a break and he was silently thankful. He had spread himself out across the two back seats and pulled the hood of his jackets up and over his head to block the auburn hair from any passing glances. The drive gave him to think about nothing in particular. Every now and then he would let his mind slip back to the Nest but with a flinch and few calming breaths he would manage to push it down before it threatened to take over. Fatigue was beginning to claw its way towards him despite the ten hours he had the night before; the Raven’s 16 hour days had messed with his head and he felt some strange internal clock begin and countdown to the few hours he would get to sleep. Neil wouldn’t let himself fall asleep though for fear that the nightmares would drown him and he wouldn’t be able to register where he was when he woke.

He must have fallen into some sort of daze however because it wasn’t until the Coach had opened Neil’s door that he realised the jeep had stopped and he was the only one left inside. Quickly, Neil swing himself up into a sitting position -wincing deeply at his carelessness- and made to climb out of the car, only to be blocked by Coach’s arms across the door. “You can stay here whilst I go inside to get Andrew.” Wymack said firmly. When Neil made to argue he was shushed almost instantly. “I have already done you a great favour by bringing you out this far and need I remind you that you haven’t got any bloody shoes on. If you take one step into that hospital they are going to think you are some tragic patient and whisk you away before I bother to correct them. Now sit here like a good striker and watch through the window.”

Neil was too stunned to immediately retaliate and by the time he had come up with a worthy reply his Coach was already marching through the automatic doors with Abby jogging behind to keep up. He hadn’t bothered to close the door when they walked away so Neil spent the next minute sitting with his legs hanging out of the doorway, moving his toes and ankles to see how badly they hurt.

It could have only been a minute at most later that he heard the automatic doors sliding open and turned to see three people walking towards him. Two of them were obviously Coach and Abby and the third was Andrew Minyard looking more withdrawn from the world than Neil had ever seen him. His eyes stared dead ahead as he strode across the car park towards Neil, and his face looked empty and drained of any emotion. Somebody had cut his blond hair shorter during his time in the hospital so now it only curled slightly at the crown and side of his head. Neil silently praised the person that had dared to approach a Minyard brother with any sort of sharp object and hoped that they had lived past the hour.

When Andrew was only a couple of meters from the car, Neil checked that the hood was securely covering his new hair colour and turned to meet the twin. Andrew was wearing his usual black turtleneck and jeans and had a black rucksack slung across one shoulder. Neil had no idea what might be inside but he didn’t care enough to ask or comment as it was dropped on the tarmac next to his feet. With Neil still sat down in the car he was at eye level with Andrew and able to see into those blank, emotionless eyes. One of Andrew’s quirked up as he scanned Neil clearly surprised (if he could be surprise) more by his presence than the injuries that mottled his face and body. Andrew had known about Neil’s blue eyes since he had arrived in May but something must have caught his attention because in the next instance his hand shot out for Neil’s face. Instinct had Neil instantly reaching out to wrap both his hands around Andrew’s arm not caring , or even realising, in that moment that touching him under normal circumstances would likely result in a hospital appointment. For some unknown reason Andrew didn’t retaliate with violence, only forced his other arm around and yanked back Neil’s hood. Understanding dawned on the striker as he released the arm and sat back against the seat. He didn’t move as Andrew assessed the long, auburn hair style that definitely hadn’t been there when he left and rocked back on his heels. With a deadpan whistle, Andrew stated , “You’re a mess.” to which Neil couldn’t help but reply “What else is new?”

Wymack and Abby had arrived at the jeep by this point, clearly anticipating the worst and before they said a word they looked between the two of them in question. When neither offered an explanation for what had just happened Wymack sighed and pushed past Andrew into the driver’s seat. Andrew walked round the front to the passenger’s seat and pushed Abby’s magazine to the floor to make room. He had left his rucksack abandoned on the floor so as Abby pushed Neil’s door to she handed him the bag and told him to pop it on the floor. Once Abby had made her way into the seat behind Andrew and next to Neil she clipped herself in they began the long journey back to Palmetto.

The journey back was surprisingly similar to the drive down only this time Andrew controlled the radio stations (he repeatedly skipped back and forth between five) and now the worried glances were spread over both Andrew and Neil. Conversational still remained scarce and not once did anyone ask how Andrew was feeling or attempt to see if Neil was okay. The first words uttered actually came from Andrew as he caught sight of a Mcdonald's Drive-Thru and ordered Wymack “RIGHT!” as he was about to turn left. This startled Abby from where she was napping against the window and shocked Neil from whatever hole he was falling into.

Andrew ordered a gross amount of fast food for himself that would have given Kevin palpitations if he had been here and despite Neil’s protests that he wasn’t hungry, Wymack still bought Neil a burger and dumped it in his lap as they pulled back onto the motorway. It was starting to get incredibly dark outside by this point and with only the light from the car’s dashboard and the sound of Andrew organising his food (Wymack had made him turn the radio off when Abby fell asleep) Neil could feel the anxieties and fears of the Nest creeping in. He tried to pick at the burger to distract himself, focus on the stretches of road that the headlights carved through the darkness, anything. But when Wymack made a turn and started into a dark tunnel, his breathing started to come too fast and not deep enough and he couldn’t help but launch himself forward and hit the light on the ceiling.

The brightness cut through the dark and started to bat away the shadows but it wasn’t enough. “Neil! What’s wrong?” Wymack was looking at him through the rear view mirror with a look that perfectly combined shock and horror. Neil tried to respond as he forced himself to look up but couldn’t and instead locked eyes with Andrew, who whilst still looking incredibly bored and uninterested had paused with the burger halfway to his face.

Without any words Andrew reached up and flicked the light back of, plunging the car back into darkness. Neil couldn’t help the small whimper that forced its way out of his throat. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He could feel the Raven's hands all over him. Bruising and beating and -

“For Fuck sake Minyard!” Wymack had turned the light back on as he accelerated through the tunnel, driving recklessly to get the jeep out of there. “Neil I need you to try and talk to me! What’s happening?”

Abby had woken up again during the chaos and it took her sleepy mind only seconds the realise that Neil was having a panic attack next to her. Immediately she was leaning next to him as he braced his head on his knees, careful not to touch him, but telling him when to breathe in and when to breathe out. He felt the car lurch sideways and suddenly grind to a halt before the door next to him was swung open and Wymack was leaning next to him to. “I’m sorry” ,Neil managed once he had his breathing under some sort of control. His voice was wavering and broken but he forced out the words, “I’m so sorry. It was just dark and then I couldn’t breathe and-”

He was shushed by Abby who assured him that it wasn’t his fault and combined with the cool air from the open door, the darkness at the edges of his vision fell away. During the whole ordeal, Andrew never said a word or sent a pitying glance. He simply stared intently as Neil fractured as if anticipating when he might burst and reached between the seats to pick up the discarded burger.

Eventually, Neil managed to convince Wymack and Abby that they should continue the drive and that he would be fine as long as they left the light on. Wymack drove the rest of the way to Palmetto as fast as he could, stopping only once for gas and then finally to drop off Abby and Andrew at her apartment, where Andrew would be staying until they moved back into the dorms on Wednesday.

It was close to 9pm by the time the Coach and Neil pulled up at his apartment and despite it being earlier than they normally would, the two of them wordlessly agreed to call it a night. Neil’s Raven clock screamed at him for not being asleep hours ago but even as he led fully clothed on the sofa, sleep didn’t claim him for hours and instead a emotionless stare haunted his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo I hope you enjoyed! Here have one of Andrew's burgers as a parting gift...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go!! I present to you Chapter 6 of 'Some weird angsty, AFTG' fanfic by a terrible, plague-ridden writer. I've been super sick these past few days and whilst I thought it would mean loads of time for reading and writing it actually meant 0 time to do anything but sleep and cough up my lungs. I'm currently topped up on Cold-Relief tablets and so this next chapter could be one of the worst (or best...hahhaha NOPE) things I have ever written but I hope you enjoy it none the less. I love having Andrew back now because my special psycho is just so much fun to have along.   
> As per usual your comments make my day so please leave one if you like :D   
> (Also a few people left me some comments saying they liked longer chapters so buckle in peeps (did I just say peeps) and enjoy these hefty chapters).  
> I thought I would also just mention that I have a tumblr account (booksbreakhearts) where I repost a boat load of AFTG posts so if you are into that (and who isn't) you should have a look. #shamelesselfpromotion

For the second time in as many days, Neil Josten woke up on his Coach’s sofa, face buried in the threadbare cushions and hurting from head to toe. Only today he didn’t wake with a jolt or a thud and instead eased himself slowly into a sitting position with nothing more than a tired groan and a searching glance for Wymack. His bleary eyes found him quickly, leaning intently against the bathroom doorway and nursing a mug of coffee -or at least Neil hoped it was coffee this early in the day- against his chest. Wymack’s gaze was focussed on something in the direction of the kitchen but with his head pounding as strong as it was, Neil didn’t care enough to look. Instead he braced his head against his palms and murmured his ‘Morning Coach.’ into them.

“Ah Good, you’re alive.” was the first and only reply Neil expected as he rubbed his hands over his face, so when Wymack added “You probably want to get changed; we have a visitor.’, he couldn’t help but put it down to still being half asleep. With the speed of a dying man, Neil turned to face the kitchen and felt his heart stop when he locked eyes with Andrew Minyard.

The Monster’s knees were just visible over the island counter, where he sat on a stool cross legged cradling a colourful, sugar coated bowl of cereal under one arm. Unsurprisingly his outfit followed the typical black-on-black theme that Neil had grown used to seeing him in but the slight difference in the length of his hair still caught him a little off guard. As soon as Andrew had silently looked Neil up and down he lazily returned his focus to the heart attack in his bowl, clearly deciding that nothing else was worth his time.

Neil didn’t remember standing up but when Wymack approached him and shrugged off his concerned, questioning look, he was stood rather clearly on his own two feet. “Wha-”, Neil started when it didn’t seem like anyone was about to explain Andrew’s arrival he was quickly shut off by Wymack telling him he would enlighten him once Neil had changed into the clothes he had left in the bathroom.

For once he didn’t have the energy to insist on an immediate answer and instead made his way into the bathroom with a final glance at Minyard, who was now pouring the last of the multi-coloured, sugary dust into his empty bowl.

_Was Neil fucking dreaming?_ It didn’t seem entirely impossible that Andrew was silently eating a children’s cereal in Wymack’s kitchen but for him to be there so early, there had to be an explanation.

In the bathroom Neil found a black plastic bag with 3 different outfits folded carefully inside and clean underwear tucked down the side. It was the same brand and shop that Andrew had bought Neil clothes for Columbia from and it took Neil a moment of recollection to remember that Wymack had said yesterday that he would get him something to wear and that must have been when he went out to pick them up. If he hadn’t been wearing the same trousers for the past few days and borrowing clothes from Wymack he probably would have argued that he didn’t need people to buy him clothes but right now he could accept a little charity. And besides, he wanted to get back out into the apartment and see if he was imagining things.

Neil emerged remarkably quickly using one hand to tug the edge of a burgundy jumper over his jeans and the other to feel around and check that the plaster on his cheekbone was smoothed down securely. The other two (apparently Neil hadn’t been dreaming) were sat around the island, Wymack still drinking his coffee and Andrew now spinning the spoon in circles around the empty bowl. As Neil moved closer, Andrew remained his silent, blank faced self and with little more than a bored sigh pushed the bowl as hard as he could across the counter top. The spoon rattled and scraped as it spun towards the edge but Coach’s quick reflexes meant he stopped it just before it began to fall. He didn’t bother to say anything as he left his stool to put the bowl in the sink but indicated with a soft tilt of the head for Neil to take up his place.

“You’re probably wondering why we have been blessed with this little shit’s presence over breakfast. Abby said she had to rush off to some sort of medical conference up state but in reality I think 12 hours alone with Him were enough for her to seek refuge elsewhere.” Coach explained as he busied himself with something at the counter. “She didn’t want to leave him alone in her house for fear he’d burn it down and besides, he has to be at Bee’s in 30 minutes anyway. The job of ferrying him from place to place has unfortunately fallen into our unfortunate hands, Josten.”

As his brain slowly worked its way through what Wymack was implying (they had to both take Andrew to Bee’s because Neil couldn’t be trusted to stay here alone),he couldn’t help but stare intently ahead at the blond. Andrew’s head was tipped down as he studied the black of his trainers, clearly conveying that he didn’t give a shit about Neil or just really wasn’t interested enough to pay attention to his existence.

His line of sight was broken by Coach lowering a plate of toast down between the two of them, a small tub of different tablets rattling on the edge. As Neil picked up the first slice, Andrew’s hand shot forward to take the tablets away. Wymack tried to stop him but wasn’t fast enough and once contented that he only wanted them to look at, left him to his own devices.

“Only two of us need to go.”

It was the first thing that Neil had heard Andrew say all morning and for some strange reason, the confident monotone of his voice set his heart beating. He didn’t even seem to realise at first that Andrew was suggesting Neil stay here and so it was only when Wymack replied, that he felt a strange flicker of hurt.

“Okay Minyard, i’m not sure if you went blind in East Haven or if you are just a mess but you can probably tell that Neil here hasn’t had a very holly, jolly Christmas so if I have to, I will make this clear. Neil isn’t staying anywhere on his own until I expressly say, so if you think I am going to leave him here alone, you can think again.”

Neil didn’t really have enough of an argument to counter either of them so he waited patiently, taking slow bites of toast and waited for Andrew to respond. When Wymack had finished, Andrew rolled his eyes and, to both Neil and Wymack’s express horror, smiled.

It was a cold, empty smile that he shouldn’t have been able to produce when off of his medication and simply sat arguing a point. It was a smile that said ‘ _Oh don’t be silly._ _Woops your mistake._ Or _Sorry, what was that?_. It was both simultaneously the most un-Andrew like expression yet only a smile that he could produce.

“Of course, Coach. Which is exactly why I think Neil should act as my chaperone. He won’t complain about waiting at Bee’s and it gets us both out and about, from the apartment. Speaking of which,” Andrew reeled as he jumped down from the stool, “we had better be off.”

He was halfway to the door by the time, Neil and Coach had recovered enough to try and respond. Neil’s words were too jumbled in his head to make anything coherent; he wanted it to just be him and Andrew.If he needed to tell him what had happened at Evermore he didn’t want to say it in front of Coach. Wymack wouldn’t be able to deal with the cruelties he had endured but he knew Andrew wouldn’t flinch. For some reason he wanted Andrew to know. He didn’t want to make up a lie this time.

Coach it seemed had other ideas. He knew Andrew wouldn’t stop if he simply told him he didn’t want them to go alone so he began to fire off excuses -all of which Andrew responded quickly to, never once turning back around.

“Neil hasn’t eaten.”

“Bee will have food.”

“He hasn’t taken the painkillers Abby left him.”

“Which is exactly why I have them.” He waved them over one shoulder.

Running out of excuses, Wymack was left with just, “He is a fucking mess Andrew.” Neil flinched at the four letter word but Andrew had reached the door and was turning back around. “Perfect. So am I.”

***

Driving to Bee’s was one of the worst drives Neil had ever experienced (and that was saying a lot considering his last one had resulted in a 90MPH panic attack). Andrew had left the apartment as soon as he had reached the door and without giving Wymack the opportunity to stop him or wanting Andrew to get too far ahead, Neil had jogged out after him, hesitating only to pick up a pair of grey trainers from beside the door. When he finally caught up to Andrew, he was waiting in the driver's seat of his expensive,black car -Abby must have taken him to pick it up- blank stare safely back in place.

Neil didn’t think before climbing into the passenger’s side and Andrew didn’t wait for him to fasten his seat belt before accelerating out of the car park. The jolt sent Neil’s shoulder crashing into the glove compartment and he wasn’t quick enough to stifle the groan it caused him. Andrew didn’t even bother to look over.

“What the hell was that back there Andrew? “, he asked referring to small heartattack Andrew had given him, simply by smiling. When he received no reply - not even a shrug of the shoulders or flick of the wrist- Neil decided to broach another topic. “Aren’t you going to ask for an explanation?”

Andrew had seen his blue eyes on their trips to Columbia but the auburn hair, plastered cheekbone and tender way with which Neil moved everywhere were new and not simply deciphered by a few passing glances. It must have been grating on the hidden curiosity but he would never deign to ask for an explanation straight out.

What Neil was referring to was so obvious that Andrew didn’t need to glance over to ask for clarity but he did respond with a simple, yet ominous, “No, because you are going to give me one anyway.”

“Now?”, Neil replied, surprised to receive a response.

“Later.”

They drove the rest of the way in silence.

When they arrived at the block of offices and pulled into a space as far from the door as possible, Neil waited quietly in his seat for Andrew to make the first move. The blond turned swiftly in his seat to face Neil and in contrast to his recent quick movements slowly lifted his hand to the striker’s cheek. If it had been anybody else, he would have batted the hand away, flinched back from the contact. But this was Andrew and-

Too late Neil realised what he was about to do and wasn’t quick enough to stop the plaster being ripped from his cheek.

The black ‘4’ didn’t seem to surprise Andrew as he sat back and silently took the tattoo in. One eyebrow quirked up for a second but before Neil could provide an explanation, Andrew climbed out and walked away.

***

“Andrew! It’s great to see you! Neil! What a surprise!” As per usual Betsy Dobson was happy,smiley and full of life and as per usual, Neil couldn’t help the spike of annoyance that coursed through him as she shook each of their hands. She had been waiting for them at the reception desk, chatting idly with the woman on duty when they made their entrance. He had been trying to get Andrew to listen to him as they made their way across the car park but no matter how loud he shouted or how many times he stopped in front of him, Andrew carried on walking forward and around. Neil hadn’t even realised they had reached the building until he felt the ground change from tarmac to carpet and Betsy broke away to greet them.

As they moved from the front of the complex through the corridors and to her office, Bee spoke to them like close friends rather than patients. Andrew responses came back naturally and were clearly genuine but every time she tried to move the conversation back to Neil he brushed it off and returned back to his thoughts on _what the hell he was going to say to Andrew when they got back in the car._

When they reached Bee’s office she paused after Andrew entered before hopefully asking, “Will you be joining us inside Neil?”. Both boys replied with a simultaneous “No.” to which she simply smiled (typical) and said “Maybe next time.”

The door closed and Neil was left to sit in one of the corridor’s brown leather armchairs and continue to plan out the explanation Andrew deserved.

***

45 minutes of solid focus had gotten Neil no closer to uncovering an explanation so when Andrew and Betsy emerged (still smiling) and said their goodbyes, Neil was left to trail weakly from a metre distance. As she had done each time they’d interacted Bee reminded Neil that she was there whenever he needed a ‘chit-chat’ and as usual Neil ensured her that the need would never arise. She left them at the reception desk and as the sliding doors closed behind them, Neil and Andrew were left alone again.

There was no point in beginning his explanation until Andrew told him to do so for the first portion of the drive there was no sound- even the loud, angry music that usually blasted from the car wasn’t present. The blocks of flats and university shops blurred past until Andrew stopped at junction that if he turned left onto, would lead back to Wymack’s apartment. When Andrew turned right Neil felt not even the smallest fragment of surprise.

“Where are we going?”, Neil asked when he didn’t recognise many of the signs pointing in the direction that the car was heading.

“We are going on a drive.” Andrew said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He turned to focus all of his angry energy on Neil but it wasn’t his reckless driving that sent his heart racing.

“And _you_ are going to explain to me why you spent your Christmas Break with Riko _fucking_ Moriyama.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it bad? Please tell me it wasn't too bad? Lie if you have to...actually, never mind.  
> I have a few ideas brewing as to where Andreil could stop for 'The Talk' but if you guys have any thoughts on the matter I'd love for you to let me know!


	7. Not a Chapter...Just an Update

Hi Guys!  
I feel really really bad about not updating these past few Sundays and thought I should give you a quick update. I've been crazy busy these past fews weeks with revision for my Mock GCSE's and have had no spare time or energy to update. The tests are mainly this coming week with only a few the week after and so hopefully once they are out of the way i should be back to updating.  
All the comments and Kudos that I have still been receiving have been really motivational when I have been feeling super stressed or not good enough. I know it sounds stupid but it is true!  
I'm back off to revise (and procrastinate) now but I thought you deserved to be notified that I have no intention of abandoning this story!

Thank you!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back! I've finally finished most of my exams at school so for the first time in weeks, today I was able to get some writing done. This chapter seems a little weird in my eyes...I'm not too sure what was going through my mind whilst I was writing this and as per usual I am far too lazy to properly read through this before I post it. Usually I like to post on a Sunday because I can dedicate the day to writing but I'm out in the evening tomorrow so instead I am going to post it today. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and fingers crossed I will be back to writing and posting more regularly.  
> Also I am probably going to delete the last update I posted letting you know about exams because it isn't really part of the story but I want you guys to know that all of your amazing comments made my icy heart thaw and helped me to keep going through exams.  
> Go forth, read and enjoy!

Sitting in the passenger seat next to Andrew Minyard felt remarkably similar to what Neil imagined sitting next to a ticking time bomb would be like. To begin with all Neil could think about was the inevitable explosion that was coming his way and the impossibility of escaping a direct impact. He knew that he would not be getting out of this car or returning to the Coach’s apartment until Andrew was satisfied that he has heard the truth. But as the miles stretched behind them the fear and anxiety in his body began to still and steady until he felt only slightly more apprehensive than his usual state. If there was no way for him to avoid his upcoming interrogation then what was the point in getting himself worked up? In fact, after what must have been close to an hour of silence between the two of them Neil had actually started to relax back into his passenger seat and let his eyelids drift down until he was looking out of the smallest slit. No longer preoccupied with fashioning lies and false truths about where he had spent Christmas, he let his mind focus on the feeling of the car moving beneath him and the occasional sound of a car rushing past his window. In fact, by the time he felt the car swing abruptly off the road and hear the sound of the wheels moving from tarmac to gravel he had been well on his way to sleep. Strange to think that after everything he had been through over the holidays - or ever really- he would actually allow himself to be that vulnerable in front of a 5ft-permanently angry- blond monster.

Quickly Neil was upright in his seat taking account of the empty parking lot that Andrew had swung into. The early afternoon light highlighted rubbish, bin bags and for some reason an abandoned Ford car in the far corner that was falling apart and fading from red to brown with rust. It seemed like the perfect place to escape a crime or hide a body, set appropriately against the backdrop of a decaying and dangerous looking town that Neil didn’t recognise. Neil voiced these opinions as the car pulled to a stop, the first words from either of them since the drive had properly begun.

“You’d know all about that wouldn’t you.” ,Andrew retorted. It was a low blow but unsurprising considering who was delivering it, yet Neil still couldn’t help the flinch that moved through him. He recovered quickly though and after noticing in the wing mirror the shape of a scraggly looking man smoking cigarette at the entrance to an alley he pointed out, “It’s a shame about the witnesses though; broad daylight and all.”

“I’m sure it’d be nothing new and anyway,I’d be able to keep them quiet.’, was the reply accompanied by the silence and stilling of the car as Andrew turned off the engine and lit a cigarette of his own. The empty space between them now soured and became uncomfortable until Neil was cursing himself for fidgeting in his seat. Andrew’s cigarette had almost burnt away by the time he raised it his lips and said around gritted teeth, “I’m waiting.”

Neil tightened his fists against his thighs and braced himself to begin his explanation; to tell Andrew about the Ravens, The Nest, even the story of a child raised by the Butcher to be part of his empire. He didn’t know where to start. What did Andrew want him to say? He steadied his breathing and began. “Andrew you need to know I didn’t want to go.”

Instantly he regretted his words as the twin turned to look at him with ice in his eyes. “When will you learn Abram that most of the time we don’t want what we get. Now tell me about why Riko has taken so much interest you.” He turned back to looking out of the windscreen before adding, “The truth this time.”

It was clear now that Andrew wasn’t just interested in his recent history with the Moriyamas but that he wanted to finally know the truth behind Neil’s childhood. There was only one place that this story could start and that was with his father. “You’ve probably realised by now that my father isn’t just a lackey for the Moriyama family. He is one of their most powerful men with a powerful territory of his own. His name is Nathan Wesninski but most people know him as The Butcher of Baltimore.”

At this Andrew snapped his head back to Neil and glared at him as if expecting that any second Neil would tell him he was kidding or that this was just another of his intricate addition to his web of lies. Either the sincerity of his words or the anguish in his eyes led to Andrew giving Neil a small and strangely encouraging nod to continue. He tentatively carried on with his tale, concentrating on the spotless black dashboard as if he could kid himself into believing he was just reciting his pitiful story to himself. “He wanted me to grow up to be part of his empire. A child raised from birth to be the perfect pawn in his game. He wanted me to train to not only assist in the workings of the Moriyamas’ missions but to eventually carry them out alone. Stealing and scheming and killing just because they said so.”

Neil didn’t know how it happened but once he started talking he couldn’t stop. It was like the bottle that he had kept everything trapped inside had shattered at the first sign of a crack. He was telling Andrew everything; The way his father had tried to beat him into shape, cutting and burning his rules into everything inch of Neil’s once smooth skin. The lessons that Lola - a psycho with blood curdling desire to inflict pain- had taught from the minute he could hold a knife and learn to register when enough was enough. Neil even went on to talk about his Mother, the way she had disobeyed the rules his father set in place to take him to Exy games and finally steal the money and run away. He made sure however to avoid the painful truths about his Mother’s abuses, not wanting for some reason for Andrew to know that not only did they have that in common but that Neil still couldn’t let himself accept that she was in the wrong also.

Eventually the stories moved away from his childhood and straight onto his Christmas at Edgar Allen. He had decided to miss out the portion of his lifetime on the run or exact recounts of days and nights spent with Nathan and Lola, aware subconsciously that they would come to light in time. Even if he hadn’t been prepared to reveal them later on, he felt that with his willingness to reveal as much as he had,he deserved at least a little respect.

Once he had explained the basics of the banquet and the order from Riko to train at The Nest he went completely quiet and coached himself through slowing his racing heart. Neil felt empty and drained, tired not only from the conditioning of the Ravens’ shortened days but from offering himself up so openly to Andrew. Understandably, Andrew still wanted to know if he could get any more from this revealing Neil and asked, “What did they do at the Nest?” The answer Neil gave pained him and frightened him to say, mainly as it was almost entirely true: “I don’t remember.”

Yes he could remember their fists, and racquets and kicks and knives. Fragments of their abuse and Riko’s words to ‘cry when it got too much’ haunted him and came back to him when he wasn’t focused but other than that Neil didn’t know where the two weeks had gone. Neil couldn’t remember any of their matches or lessons taught and no matter how hard he focused he still couldn’t remember how he had gotten on the plane back.

It sounded like he was lying about his confusion, he knew that, so turned abruptly in his seat so that he was facing Andrew’s profile. The sudden movement after a long period of sitting caused the bruises and cuts along his shoulders and waist to cry out in pain.

“Pl-”, Neil stopped himself as he realised ,with a glare from Andrew, that what he had been about to say was the entirely wrong thing. Not allowing himself to falter again he tried a different approach. “Andrew I know that I am not the most trustworthy person but everything I just told you was the truth and you know it.”

Still, Andrew remained unresponsive, his now empty cigarette package crumpled in his right hand and his left propped lazily over the steering wheel. When he suddenly sat forward and pushed open the car door Neil thought he was about to walk away and leave him sat depleted in the passenger seat, satisfied that he had received the answers he wanted. So intent on not letting that happen, Neil almost grabbed onto the back of the twin’s black top to keep him in the car. Of course that would have been a terrible idea.

His hand was halfway across the space between them when Neil came to his senses and simultaneously realised that Andrew hadn’t been about to walk away. In fact, after throwing the packet out of the space he created, Andrew slammed the door closed and started up the ignition. “I highly doubt that even you are capable of making up such sorrowful story Abram so for now I’ll take it.” With that he reversed the black car out of the gravel car park and flew back out onto the road.

The clock on the dashboard now read 14:54. Somehow Neil had spoken for almost two hours yet it had like 30 minutes at most. Andrew had listened and taken it in, letting him share everything that he had always kept a secret until it felt like he resurfaced everything that he hated about himself. During the actual process of telling it he had felt okay, almost as if a constant pressure he hadn’t realised was there had been relieved. But now he felt vulnerable and reclless. He had wanted Andrew to know the truth but what he would do with this new found knowledge only Andrew knew.

As the car turned onto an interstate, one question perked up at the forefront of Neil’s mind. “Why there?” he asked. The vague question with no obvious context meant that Andrew didn’t bother to reply, only raise his eyebrows as if to say _‘I’m not a mind reader asshole.’_

“Why that car park? Why drive to whatever town that was to pull up in a carpark, hear my sob story and then drive back off again?” It didn’t make sense to Neil why he had needed to travel almost two hours to a crappy little town but as Andrew’s answer proved nothing about the Minyards made any sense.

“As you pointed out, it’s a great little spot to dispose of unwanted problems and I wasn’t too sure whether I wanted to bring you back.” At Neil’s unconvinced expression he added, “Also the longer I keep you from Coach the more he’ll worry and he’ll be oh so glad to have you back. I’m doing you a favour really.”

For once it was Neil who didn’t bother to reply as he allowed himself to rest his head against the window and close his eyes. When he next let them flutter open some time later he caught Andrew watching him as they drifted down the mainly empty road. For once It didn’t seem like anything to be alarmed at so allowed himself to close his eyes again and question him that way. “What are you looking at?”

Andrew had gone back to scowling at the road ahead but he responded to the striker anyway. “I’m trying to decide whether or not you were far gone enough to push you onto the highway yet or whether I should wait until you start snoring.” Neil’s voice was groggy and faint with fatigue when he spoke again, “Oh Okay.” and then a few minutes later, “I don’t snore.”

He didn’t have enough energy to try and fight to stay awake so let himself fade to sleep and trusted Andrew to deliver him home.

***

Andrew eased Neil back awake with a sudden and violent punch of the car horn. The striker was instantly upright, his aching hands braced against the dashboard and eyes searching for the threat. He located Andrew who was already approaching the entrance to Wymack’s apartment complex and clambered out of the car to try and catch up to him. Pins and Needles momentarily enveloped his feet when he got to his feet and combined with the pain from the numerous injuries along them Neil had to brace himself against the door to wait for it pass. By the time he reached the steps inside Andrew was no longer waiting alone. Wymack with bloodshot eyes and ruffled hair and a red eyed Abby had likely been drawn by the horn and now stood glaring at Andrew who in contrast looking like he couldn’t care less about anything.

“-no idea how worried we’ve been!” , Neil heard Wymack growl as he approached the trio. Abby stood to the side pulling on her hair as she made a futile attempt to explain Neil’s fragility to Andrew, unaware that he actually knew much more. “He’s in a vulnerable state at the minute, Andrew. Neil needs to be given time to relax and you can’t go taking him away with telling us.”

You could almost hear Andrew’s resultant eye roll as he sighed and flicked his wrist in Neil’s direction. “See for yourself. He’s no more broken than when I found him.”

As soon as Coach and Abby spotted him they swooped down to ensure that what Andrew said was the truth. Neil hated fuss at the best of times so he immediately brushed them off with a stream of “I’m fine”s and “It’s alright.”

Neither of them tried to touch him but Wymack did block Neil’s route into the building so that he had no choice but to look up into his eyes. “Josten I know it isn’t your speciality but I want the truth. Did Andrew do anything to hurt you? He’s unpredictable at the best of times so sober I’m sure he’s even worse.”

Neil summoned the most convincing smile he could and with a slight shake of his head spoke to Coach only. “No, honestly it’s okay. He just wanted to talk.” Evidently this was not what he had expected to hear because the look he shot Neil was full of confusion. Thankfully though he let didn’t ask for more details and instead pressed Neil’s phone (which he remembered leaving off on the table) into his hand.

Soon after that Abby left quietly with Andrew and once again, as it had been for the past few nights, it was just the Coach and Neil sat silently in his apartment. Tomorrow the other Foxes would arrive back and the day after that training would likely start again. He would move back in the dorms and hopefully thing could go back to the way they had been before. Dysfunctional and prone to arguments but that was the way the Foxes were. He couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed your daily share of Andreil and broken Neil. Poor smol, sleepy child. Also what is it with me and writing about driving?? I seriously need to stop because it spend like 20% of all chapters in a car. I promise that next time I will try to reduce the number of vehicles involved.  
> Any Comments or Feedback would be awesome! Even if it is just to let me know i spelt lots of stuff wrong!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm this chapter seems a bit of weird one. It is a little shorter than I usually post (though still weirdly long) but I feel like it isn't super action packed-ey. Although, as you'll see the presence of someone - or someones- new are likely to pick things up a bit. I feel like the next chapter is going to be kind of crazy and hopefully a little funny ... lord knows this series needs some comedic relief.  
> Anyway please leave any comments letting me know what you think. If you love it, hate it, want me to add something or change something. Let me know!   
> Enjoyyy!  
> (Also please pop a look at the end notes as I have a question to ask you guys!)

Fox tower was empty and cold after being locked up for almost three weeks. The overwhelming smell of fresh paint and cleaning products hit them as soon as they stepped through the door and followed them all the way up to the third floor and the small landing reserved for the Foxes. Wymack had been reluctantly to take Neil back to the dorms with Andrew, so much so that even after Abby had assured him he would be fine and they had pulled up in the empty university car park , he had still tried to urge Neil to come and spend a few more nights at his place. The offer had almost been tempting; at Wymack’s he would have the living room to himself at night, no worries about waking, shouting in his sleep to rudely awaken Matt, only a metre or two away from him. In the dorms there was going to be no escaping sharing a room, hearing the breathing off another person so close to him in the dark and after so many nights never alone in The Nest, Neil didn’t didn’t know how he would react.

But he had to go back.

He couldn’t spend the rest of his life hiding away on Wymack’s sofa worrying about when he was going to panic next. He couldn’t avoid the Foxes until practice started; it would only make them more determined to find out the truth and the last thing he needed was a new bet sprouting up. In fact he wanted to see the Foxes purely- and most concerning for Neil who had spent his life distancing himself from people - to be in their company. Getting back to some semblance of normality by moving back into his room would hopefully help him put what had happened over Christmas behind him.

Even with all this in mind Neil still felt a small tug in his chest as he watched the Coach’s car pull out of the car park and down onto the highway. Despite Neil’s protests the Coach had escorted both Andrew and he up to their floor where the twin walked off without a backward glance and slammed the door of Room 317.Wymack had then gone onto to lead the way to Neil and Matt’s room where he aimlessly walked around for another 20 minutes before finally leaving with the threat to bench Neil if he didn’t keep his phone on or notify him if the need arose.

For some immeasurable amount of time Neil just stood by the bedroom window watching as nothing seemed to happen on the empty campus of Palmetto. He wasn’t too sure why he did it, only that he couldn’t bring himself to move away and then eventually he didn’t even realise he was doing it. When he finally managed to snap out of it a little later on the panic of losing track of time again threatened to take over.

In an attempt to repress the anxiety Neil focussed on keeping himself busy until the rest of the Foxes arrived at some point later on. Firstly he started by ‘unpacking’ the other two outfits (excluding the burgandy jumper and jeans he was wearing) that Coach had gifted him yesterday. Hanging the four items up beside the sparse selection of tattered clothes he hadn’t bothered to pack for the nest sent a little spark of happiness up his spine which disappeared almost as quickly. Once that was done he moved onto clearing up the last term’s school work from his desk and organising what still needed doing from that which he could just ignore. It dawned on him a little while later as he looked up from washing the already clean dishes to see the dip of the afternoon sun that he hadn’t heard from Andrew all afternoon. The realisation didn’t worry him too much as Andrew was prone to ignoring pretty much everyone for extended periods of time but still, he was fed up of moping around in his apartment.

Neil had just vowed to himself to go down the hall after he dried this last dish when he heard the front door of the room slam open against the wall before swinging closed again. _Typical_ ,he thought to himself as he went out to greet Andrew, _trouble always came to him before he could go to it._

Of course, it wasn’t who he expected to be standing in the hall.

Where he has been anticipating 5ft of blond disinterest he was met with 6 feet 4 inches of muscles and compassion, cut off by sheer surprise half way through a jolly “Honey, I’m home!”. The black suitcase he had been pulling behind him clattered to the floor and the reflective sunglasses he pulled off to better see Neil soon joined them. The shock, then horror, then worry that flashed across his face couldn’t be disguised and with a shuddering breath Matt Boyd stared at Neil and asked, “What the fuck happened to you?”

\----

Surprised by the presence of his room mate instead of Andrew it took longer than it should have for Neil to reassure himself that he wasn’t in danger at that he didn’t have to run. However, when Matt took a tentative step forward, hand raised as if approaching a wounded animal, Neil couldn’t help his own resultant step away. _Shit_. Quickly he brought his hand up to cheekbone where the black ink burned itself into notice. A momentary relief spread through him as his fingers brushed a long the plaster he had put there that morning. For now the tattoo could stay between him, Andrew and the adults.

But then, with the plaster covering the ‘4’ and no other obvious injuries (unless you counted the dark circles from troubled sleep) on display, what could be evoking such worry in Matt? The answer came to him just a moment before Matt voiced it himself, “Neil what did you do to your eyes? Your hair?”. Just as it had when he first spoke, Matt’s voice wobbled and quivered as he clearly tried to suppress his worry.

The spell over Neil seemed to break as the ability to speak finally came back to him- if only in short, barely coherent sentences. “Matt, stop. It’s fine. I’m fine.” Neil recoiled at the taste of the lie on his tongue even as he tried to convince himself it was true.

All the time that he had dedicated over the past two days to coming up with a reasonable justification for his appearance instantly went out the window as he realised that no excuse would work on these Foxes. How could he ever believe that they would just trust him when he said he had wanted to change up his style? And what reason could he give for his Uncle making him do it without going into his history of being terrified of his father? For someone who had built countless lives based entirely on lies or half truths he couldn’t find the words when he needed them most.

When his roommate went to ask again, having distanced himself significantly now so that he was almost pressed against the door, Neil stopped him with more force in his voice this time. “Matt I’m okay. Break wasn’t what I had anticipated and whilst I’m a little worse for wear from it all I’ll be fine. I don’t want to talk about it - at least not yet.” Towards the end of the last sentence Neil’s voice began to trail of until it was barely audible. On one hand it was from the shock of finding his voice but on the other it was the fact that it seemed he would one day be willing to explain the Foxes what had happened.

It was obvious from Matt’s open mouth that he wanted to press but from months of sharing a room with Neil and his own past experiences he knew not to push further than someone was willing to give. With a slow nod and an even slower bend to retrieve his glasses and case Matt wordlessly reassured Neil that he was safe and that he could wait until the time was right to tell his story.

As soon as the case was propped up against the wall a commotion, muted by the door in its way, seemed to radiate from the hallway outside. The voices were muted and the words unclear through the walls but there were only 6 people that it could with nobody else due back until tomorrow. The Foxes had arrived back in Palmetto.

A smirk rose on Matt’s face at the sound of the talking, clearly glad to have the whole team back after weeks apart and see Dan after the New Year. “It would probably be best if we go out to them before they charge there way in here and commandeer the room for tonight’s reunion.”

He turned to open up the door allowing the voices of the girls and guys to filter their way in through the entrance and back to where Neil still stood tense. Something about the words wrapped around Neil and eased something within him. The chuckles of Dan, Renee and Nicky and the sarcastic comments from Kevin, Aaron and Allison drew him to where Matt stood waiting for him, one foot already out into the hall.

Neil forced himself to breathe deeply once, twice, three times, until he had it in his head that that what the Foxes saw when they looked at him was nothing more than a guise and that they would take it as well as Matt. Already halfway towards the cluster of athletes clutching plastic bags outlined with the Empire State building -gifts from Matt, Nicky and reluctantly Kevin and Aaron- Matt had drawn the gaze of the team mates. He had his back to Neil so what he his face was unreadable to the Striker but Neil was pretty sure he must have been mouthing something because the rest of the team looked at him with a confused and deciphering face. Neil now had the option to leave Matt to forewarn them of his dramatic change in looks or go out and face them himself. Not one to ever avoid the harder choice in life, Neil raised his head and walked to greet his teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think about the Foxes being back? I'm a little unsure where I want this story to go. I have roughly the next 3 maybe 4 chapters sketched out but after that I am a little stooped on how to make this story different. Do you want me to focus on Andreil? Neil and the rest of the team? Angst? Exy? Do you want me to go with the classic more canon story or go on a completely different path? Let me know in the comments as I love any prompts you have to offer!.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suprise!!! A Thursday update? What is this sorcery? Well...it comes with a catch.  
> Firstly, I just wanted to say thank you to everybody who commented on my last update with advice for where you want this fanfic to go. I have taken a lot of it into consideration and whilst not all of it will be obvious in this update (Lots of it was plans for the overall character arc) , a sentence left by Chocolate_Hell_Cookies_Freedom2481999 (Great name) did inspire me to add a little -or a lot- of Kevin angst to this chapter...so thank you very much!  
> Next point, this chapter happened tonight only because I am a terrible person that really doesn't want to revise and really doesn't want to socialise. You can probably tell that by the end of I am writing the trashiest trash and probably should check this before I post it (nahhh) but my brain is saying 'Post it'! Therefore please excuse any super confusing sentences but as per usual let me know in the comments any mistakes I make.  
> Linking to this, you guys know I never check before I hit post so most of my chapters are really crappy. I was looking back through my previous chapter and cringing like hell. Do you guys think I should go back through and edit?  
> Finally, I just wanted to say another big Thank You to you all! Not A Pipe Dream hit 200 Kudos and 2300 Hits and it means so so much to me that my little story has been read by you guys. I am also such a Comments Whore so anything you want to let me know, just post in a comment. If you loved it, hated it or just want to talk about AFTG or your day, let me know. Literally, feel free to ask me anything you want!  
> Hopefully I may post another chapter over the weekend where the Foxes hang out and enjoy life. Wouldn't that be pleasant?  
> Enjooyyyyy!

He regretted his decision a moment too late.

Only three limping steps into the hallway and already Neil knew that he had made the wrong choice. In a corridor only 2 metres wide and empty apart from his teammates, it was impossible to go unnoticed for more than five seconds - which is exactly how long it took for the first set of eyes to find his fragile form.

Danielle Wilds, captain of the Foxes and passionate about her team, had been smiling with her whole face and reaching up on her toes to wrap her arms around Matt’s broad shoulders when she caught her first glimpse of Neil. Strangely for the first seconds, the changes to his physical features didn’t register with her and it wasn’t until after she had already sent him a welcoming grin that the realisation set in. Almost as if a mask was being ripped from her face, the smile fell away and in its place horror and shock set in. “ _Neil_.” , she breathed in distress, recoiling from Matt to better see her teammate.

This sudden exclamation drew the attention of the other Foxes who had been - for once- content to talk amongst each other about the guys trip to New York. All eyes followed Dan’s stricken gaze to where it was frozen on Neil, whose own feet had failed him somewhere between his next step. Their conversations died instantly, leaving Neil in the spotlight with only his racing heart to listen to.

For years Neil’s mother had told him to go unnoticed, stay in the background, lurk in the shadows. Now, not even two years since her death and he was surrounded by a team that were determined to get answers. He couldn’t move. He felt the panic building inside him, threatening to overflow. He could feel his lungs burning with the need to take a breath when-

A strangled cry erupted into the hall. It sounded like a sob that was being forced back down; a gasp of a breath when you made a realisation. Was that me? Neil thought as some of his senses slipped back into place. It hadn’t felt like it was coming from him, but then nothing had been feeling real these past few days. He had been about to ask when the answer became apparent. Five of the six players staring at Neil let their focus shift for an instant to Kevin, who’s eyes were still burning holes into the striker. Kevin’s skin had taken on a sudden ashen appearance and his green eyes looked to be gleaming with tears. _Not out of pity_ , Neil realised in panic, _but fear_.

Neil wasn’t the only Fox to know the auburn hair and dead blue eyes of his Father: Kevin too had had the trauma of seeing him in person, only for him it brought back memories of years spent with the Moriyamas.

In a moment of foolishness, Neil attempted a step forward to reassure Kevin that it was him and not Nathan before him, but just as Neil himself had done only minutes before, Kevin took a startled step away. The unexpected movement from the opposite end of the corridor drew back the attention of all except Aaron, who was staring up at his shaking friend.

Both of the strikers zoned out the others around them and focused wholly on one another. _It’s me. Neil tried to send Kevin. It’s still me. Neil. Not Nathan. Not Nathaniel. Neil._ But still the silence stretched on. Aaron edged tentatively closer to Kevin’s side. The girls and Matt stood unmoving as the seen unfolded, whilst Nicky’s gaze darted between them all. And slowly, oh so slowly,Kevin’s right hand moved to protectively grasp his left.

“You look just like him…”

It took a moment before Neil realised the other boy had spoken aloud. It was another before he realised that the other Foxes would have heard it too. _What would they be thinking?_ After a sudden and unexplained ‘reunion with his Uncle’, Neil had arrived back with hair and eyes changed, plaster and bruise like colouring on his face and scared Kevin to tears. They must be seeing a monster instead of a comrade. Chancing a look their way it was impossible to miss the confusion at his words and the sharp expression Allison sent Dan.

“Ke-”, he started but it was too late. With a speed usually reserved only for court Kevin raced towards Room 317 with Aaron following silently behind. The door slammed and the spotlight now burned bigger and brighter on Neil.

Again, nobody spoke. Neil felt as if every scar and bruise was shining clearly through his clothes, almost as distinctly as his hair and eyes, and it pained him. In defeat he let his head dip towards the ground where he trailed the pattern in the carpet and bunched his tingling hands in the material of his jumper. He needed to breathe.

Down the corridor, separated by only around four metres, Dan made to move out of the comfort of Matt’s arm towards him. As Captain it was her duty to protect her teammates and right now it seemed like Neil needed her more than ever. She sent a look to Matt and with the slightest incline of her head made it clear what she intended to do. Dan even got as far as preparing to take a step forward before her boyfriend’s hand tightened around her shoulder and held her in place. In outrage Dan scowled up into his eyes where she was met with worry and concern that mirrored her own. Matt had been the first to see Neil like this and on his way towards her he had been mouthing the same two words repeatedly so that Neil couldn't see. _“Don’t ask...Don’t ask.”_

Dan trusted her boyfriend and for some reason, deep down, she knew that Matt knew Neil best out of the two of them. Reluctantly she nodded.

Unfortunately, Allison Reynolds was not about to let this slide so easily. Using one hand to tuck her perfect curtain of hair behind her ear and the other to force her mobile into her skinny jeans, Allison shot a venomous glare at the four Foxes around her and Neil, a little further down.

“That’s it?! You’re not going to demand answers?”, her voice was raising at each word and it was enough to startle Neil back to attention. “He arrives back completely different and causes Day to have a breakdown and you’re not going to ask what is happening? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The power behind her words felt more than just verbal abuse that would pass, and already rocked from everything that had just happened, Neil felt himself trying to shy away. Yes there was his usual instinct to snap back, shout something in retort but all of that was overwhelmed by that need to get away. He felt like he was falling back into The Nest, where they would shout at him whilst they cut and fought and beat him to the ground.

The panic caused his voice to waver until it reminded him of being a child and futilely pleading with his Father or Lola to stop. “I don’t know how to explain. I don’t know what to say.”

Neil’s eyes - his whole body- began to prickle as the anxiety took over. Were they tears? He wasn’t sure. A body moved in front of him but with his eyes so unfocused he couldn’t tell who it was. They didn’t move within a metre of him meaning that when his eyes cleared through the thudding in his eyes he could make out Renee’s warm smile. It came as a shock considering he had been expecting Allison and her angry (she hadn’t moved from her original position and now wore an expression of bewilderment instead) but he didn’t shy away. For the first time Neil understood what the other Foxes meant about Renee presence being calming. Simply being this near to her - even with Nicky having come to stand fidgeting next to her- Neil could feel the panic ebbing away.

“Hey Neil.” She spoke slowly as if he were a small child, but for once it didn’t feeling condescending. “Nicky got a present for you in New York.” At this Nicky edged forward and extended out a NYC carrier bag, identical to the ones the girls were holding. Nicky had never been any good at hiding his emotions and right now they were painted across his face like a canvas. Worry. Anxiety. Desperation. “It’s actually from all of us. Something we wanted to get you as a little Christmas Present. Or just a present. A nick nack.” He spoke quickly as though he had no time to pause for thought.

Tentatively, Neil took the bag from the outstretched hand and was about to say ‘Thank You’ when Nicky’s arms wrapped around Neil.

In his entire life Neil had never been one for physical contact. He had too many connotations of pain and abuse with it to ever actively crave it but right now it wasn’t only bad memories that caused him pain. The cut and bruises along his back, shoulder and waist burnt under the force of the hug so much so that it was impossible to stop the cry that escaped him.

Neil pushed back at the same moment that Nicky let go, causing a stumble and a trip that resulted in Neil flat on his back. Neil was horrified at his lack of balance and strength -both mental and physical- but he didn’t have time to recover before the rest of the team were pulling him to his feet.

 _“Oh God!”,_ Nicky was moaning to himself, “You’re hurt and I did that and _Oh My God_ I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s my fault.”, Neil replied, sensing an apology coming. “I shouldn’t have over reacted like I did. I don’t know what happened.”

Nicky had turned to Renee to try and explain how he was sorry to her, as if Neil’s words had gone straight over his head. She tried her best to assure him it was fine but even with the input from Dan and Matt, it was the voice of one Fox that managed to silence them all.

At some point in the last few moments of chaos, Room 317 had opened to allow Andrew Minyard to slip out. He had moved quietly over to stand behind the group and only made them aware of his prescense when he began to talk in that terrifying way of his, inwhich you never knew what he was about to say.

“I was just on my way out to congratulate whoever it was that caused Kevin to lock himself into the bathroom to cry with a bottle of vodka. Of course, I should have known it could only be Boy-Wonder that managed to give him such a fitting Fox reunion.”

Minyard had moved to stand as close to Neil as he could without touching him and subconsciously knowing that he wouldn’t move away, started to take in every detail of his hair and eyes. “I’m rather intrigued by the new and improved Neil.” ,he continued. “He seems more on edge. More... _fragile_. Although that could just be from the blows to the head.” As he said each word Andrew tapped a steady beat against Neil’s temple, causing a shock light heartbeat to fire through his body at every touch.

Neil couldn’t move away. Just like Andrew had said about him, these new differences and mannerism that each of them had adopted over Christmas were intriguing. They challenged everything that the pair had learnt about each other up until now and it would be a race between them to see who could get to bottom of the other first. But for now he had the other Foxes to contend with and this time he was determined not to let them slip through his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a scale of 1-10 how crap was that?  
> Also...Poor Kevin and Neil... I live for angst!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no denying it: This chapter is crazy long by even my standards (not that my chapters are as long as some crazy people who manage to write 5000 words chapters -those people are magical). I debated splitting this into two smaller chapters but then I remembered a few weeks ago when you said you like the longer ones so this is all on you! *evil laugh*
> 
> I've been wanting to have more Foxes scenes and so having them all together in this chapter was a long time coming...The only issue is that I don't know how well it went. I had lots of other little ideas as to what could happen whilst they catch up but I didn't think they (or you for that matter) could take any more trauma and I had no idea whether you'd care about the Foxes just chilling. So, instead I went for a solid halfway point. Let me know if you like all the Foxes together or if you'd prefer me to do chapters where it is just Neil with one or two people so that they each get a little more to 'screen time'. Also how do you guys feel about Aaron? He wasn't in this chapter but would you prefer for me to stick with his canon asshole self or do you maybe want him to bond a little with someone?  
> Did I have something else to add? I feel like I probably did. Hmm I'll add it in later if I think of it.  
> I'm maybe going to go back and tidy up some of my previous chapters when I get some spare time, but don't worry it won't be anything plot changing that you'll just HAVE to go back and read.  
> As per usual Thank you guys for being the best people in the whole world. If it wasn't for all of your Kudos and comments then my updates would likely be few and far between (if ever) so please keep them coming - I am after all a Comment Whore. Let me know what you think of this chapter/story/writing/tragic world we live in and fingers crossed I have another update up next week (Please don't get too used to these frequent updates, they only happen because I am avoiding my responsibilities.)  
> I hope you have a lovely day and night or whatever time you are choosing to procrastinate and read at.  
> Enjoyyy!

Andrew’s appearance seemed to rattle them all -well, all except Renee who managed to appear just and cool and collected as usual whilst the whole scene played out. Neil could sense the tensing of muscle behind him: the slight shift of weight from one foot to another before a blow was struck. He knew it had to be Matt, or maybe Dan, worried that at any moment Andrew’s light taps against Neil’s skull could move from taunting straight to deadly. But despite the urge to turn round and tell them he could handle this, Neil didn’t dare take his eyes of the twin infront of him, who ,despite having stopped with the rhythmic taps, still rested his index finger against Neil’s temple.

As the silence continued to stretch out around them and Andrew’s deadpan and unmoving expression providing no inclination that he intended to yield ,Neil took the risk to open his mouth to speak. However, no sound came out. Words had failed him. The problem though, he realised, was not that he had nothing to say, it was that he couldn’t choose between two approaches.

On one hand he wanted to force Andrew to back down. He wanted to tell him to ‘Fuck Off’ and make him take his hand away; He wanted to let out all of the anger and emotions that he had been repressing since arriving back in Palmetto and more than anything he wanted to gain back some control over himself.

Yet at the same time some confused and deranged part of him wanted to ask Andrew for help. Neil knew that Andrew was dangerous and violent; He knew that the blond didn’t have an ounce of human emotion in his entire body but still Neil craved the strange lightness he had felt sat in the car with him yesterday. It would be so easy for Neil to form the words now that he could see them in his mind.

_Andrew help me._

_Andrew I need to get out of here._

_Andrew I-_

In the end it didn’t matter what choice Neil would have made. Just as he had been about to finally let the words spill free, Andrew quirked up his fair left eyebrow in mock amusement and cut him off. “Well would you look at that: Neil Josten lost for words.” His voice was surprisingly flat and at odds with the humour that he was portraying, so much so that even as he turned to walk away nobody had recovered enough to stop him. The click of his room’s door was what finally broke the spell over them.

Soon after it seemed that the other Foxes had ,for the most part, recovered from their first encounter with the fully sobered Andrew as following some encouragement from Dan they moved themselves from the corridor to the girls’ room with the aim of ‘catching up’ and being ‘properly reunited’. Matt, Renee and even Allison embraced this wholeheartedly, leading the way to 319 as they shook off their unease and exchanged it for making plans about how to spend the rest of their dwindling afternoon.

Nicky on the other hand hung back, frozen to the same spot, staring in disorientation at the door that Andrew had just gone through. The backliner had still not recovered from shock of Neil when his cousin had made an appearance and these consecutive blows had left him deeply wounded. Whilst there was no denying that Nicky had fought his way through some bad shit he still continued to leave his weakness - the love he had for his friends- open and vulnerable. Neil didn’t say anything to Nicky, knowing that no matter how hard he tried he wouldn’t be able to produce anything sincere or honest. So, instead he stood by Nicky’s side, silently and patiently. He didn’t do it to reassure Nicky, knowing that he wasn’t a comforting presence like Dan, Matt or Renee, but instead just watched to make sure that Nicky wasn’t going to fall too far whilst also welcoming the feeling of not being alone to get lost in his thoughts. Of course Neil didn’t enjoy seeing Nicky -or any of the Foxes- like this but being able to stand in an unwavering silence with one was usually only possible with Andrew.

Despite everything, Neil didn’t worry for Nicky. He knew that he was strong enough to stand up against his parents and with the incentive of his friends to keep him going he would be able push through this. In fact Neil was convinced that by tomorrow Nicky would be back to his usual self.

No more than five minutes later, Dan stepped back out into the corridor and called with mock commandment for Neil and Nicky to hurry up so that ‘the reunion could begin!’ before ducking back into the room. Her voice immediately summoned Nicky back from his daze and with a number of blinks in quick succession he was staring back at Neil. The small smile he sent Neil took a few seconds to arrive and was tiny in comparison to the usual grins that Nicky beamed but this one sent a message of _thanks for waiting_ and gave the reassurance that it would be okay. Neil only managed a weak nod in response but together the two of them made their way to the teammates.

\---

Inside Dan and Renee were busy at the small kitchen counter, pulling out an assortment of drinks from shopping bags and cabinets whilst Allison and Matt huddled over one of their phones trying to find a suitable playlist to put on. Nicky and Neil’s entrance drew the attention and smiles of the others for only a minute before they all went back to their individual tasks at hand. The two lingered in the doorway for only a minute before Nicky made a bee-line for one of the bottles of cider that Renee had been neatly lining up and opened it against the counter top. Meanwhile Neil gave the Room a quick once over - same layout as his own, set out exactly as it had been every other time he had come round- and slowly made his way over to his usual chair, hands pushed as far into his jean pockets as they would go.

It wasn’t a big seat when compared to the Girls’ soft three seater sofa but it was the only individual armchair in the room and therefore it was his favourite, helped along by the fact that its red cushions were surprisingly soft. Neil was pretty sure that this was Renee’s seat from the rare occasion that he came round uninvited with Matt and found her tucked up on it but since his first afternoon spent in 319 and his reluctance to squish onto the sofa, it had always been reserved for him.

As he slowly eased his aching body down into the seat (trying his hardest to hide his winces and sighs) Dan called over to ask which drink he would like, whilst Renee spread her arms around them in mock presentation. For a second Neil actually debated requesting one of the alcoholic options, wondering to himself whether that would help to ease some of his anxiety and aches but ultimately he ended up going with his usual choice of “Just a coke please.” Truthfully he had never seen any of the other Foxes drinking Coca Cola but there always seemed to be a ready supply at any of their gatherings which made Neil wonder whether they just kept buying it for him.

When Matt and Allison finally decided on a perfect playlist (a 40 song compilation of songs from the 2000’s of which Neil recognised about 6) the Foxes gravitated to the living area where Matt, Nicky and Dan relaxed onto the sofa whilst Renee and Allison squished onto a beanbag chair that had gone missing from his and Matt’s room a couple of months before. Nobody really spoke for the first song on the playlist and it wasn’t until halfway through the next song that Dan finally broke the growing silence by turning to Nicky and saying, “So tell us all about New Years! _Everything!_ I want to know all about Times Square.”

Nicky had been sat nursing his cider against his chest, not necessarily looking upset just not as full of life as usual, and had to blink a few times before he registered that he was being asked a question. It wasn’t hard to tell that he really wanted to talk about NYC and even if he hadn’t been talking about planning the trip for weeks beforehand the small quirk of his lip gave him away. Despite this he still sent Neil a wary look before he dared to start his story. Maybe he was worried about sounding happy after what had just happened in the corridor. Maybe he just didn’t want to talk about how good his break had been when it was clear that Neil’s had been the opposite.  

“I bet that was...er cool.” , Neil said in an attempt to push Nicky to start talking. He cursed himself for sounding so forced but the surprised smiles that the other Foxes, including Nicky, sent him made him want to try again. “Me and Coach watched the Ball drop and it looked like an amazing time.” The Foxes were smart enough to realise that Neil had just admitted to arriving back earlier than usual and staying with Wymack but thankfully none of them pressed for any more details (even Allison who seemed content to just furrow her perfect eyebrows).

Needing no more persuasion Nicky launched head first into a detailed recount of their New Year assisted occasionally by comment from Matt, starting with tales of them browsing the shops for the perfect souvenirs for each of the Foxes - which reminded Nicky that _“Neil, you still have to open yours. Me and Matt saw it and there was no way we couldn’t get it._ ”- and continuing until the early hours of the 1st when Aaron almost threw up on a policeman and Nicky was 99.9% sure that he saw that “s _uper famous actor, you know the one!_ ” (Neil did not in fact know who he meant but went along with it anyway.)

By the time Nicky had covered, in great detail, the whole of the New Years celebration all of the Foxes except Neil were in hysterics helped along by the now empty bottles of alcohol that were scattered along the coffee table. The mood felt lighter and if Neil’s thoughts hadn’t been circling back to it every five minutes for the last however long, then he might have actually forgotten about the hours before.

As Dan wiped away her tears of laughter to begin to account the Girls’ own celebrations, Matt slipped out from under her and disappeared into the kitchen. There was no time to wonder where he had gone as by the time Neil glanced over he was already making his way back over, the drink giving his steps and slight buzz and sway. In one hand he clasped a beer and a coke to replace his and Neil’s now empty drinks whilst the other swung the same carrier bag that Neil must have dropped earlier on.

With surprising ease for someone well into their drinks, Matt managed to use the new bottles to push around the old and make space Neil’s drink. Then, with a smug grin across his face he thrust the bag out to Neil and dropped it in his lap. “I present to you your gift! Happy..erm..” his voice trailed off and his eyebrows drew together as he tried to remember the date.

“Third!”, Nicky chirped from the sofa.

“Ah yes,” Matt continued, “Happy 3rd of January, Neil!”

The spectacle had drawn the attention of the others in the room so all eyes were on Neil as glanced around before opening the bag. He had never received gifts as a child so people would expect that Neil craved them even more now. Instead he hated them. Not only did he hate that feeling of owing someone back but he just didn’t like the attention of everyone watching. What if he hated it? What was he supposed to say?

All of these thoughts rushed through his head as he reached in and pulled out the black top. It looked pretty plain and inconspicuous at first: something Neil may actually have picked for himself due to the long sleeves and soft material. That was until he unfolded it and saw that is big orange font across the front it said:

**MY BEST FRIENDS WENT TO NYC AND ALL THE GOT ME WAS THIS LOUSY TOP.**

His teammates instantly burst into laughter and Matt and Nicky sent each other pleased glances as Matt settled back down under Dan. Neil’s cheeks blushed slightly at the attention but managed to eventually speak once the laughter had died down, “Thank You guys. It seems everyone is buying me clothes this week.”

Even the _“No problem”’_ s from Matt and Nicky and Dan’s question of “‘Everyone?” weren’t enough to block out Allison’s over loud whisper of “It’s cause you’ve got shit style.” Renee gave her a slight smack in chastise.

Dan looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. Neil for once saw no harm in telling the truth so he filled them in on the few items that Wymack had bought him yesterday.

 _“Wymack?”_ , Nicky asked unconvinced at the same time that Allison added eloquently, “Bullshit.”

“No, I’m serious. They were from the same shop that you usually get stuff for Columbia from.” Neil directed this to Nicky hoping that he would know exactly where he meant. “No chance.”,replied Nicky matter of factly, “I doubt Coach even knows where that is, not that his wage would stretch that far.”

This seriously stumped Neil who up until now hadn’t even questioned the origin of the clothes. Maybe Abby? It was then that Neil noticed Renee grinning to herself on the beanbag and following his line of sight the others soon noticed her too. “What?”, Allison demanded with a jut of her elbow at Renee, “What are yo- _Oh My God_!” It appeared that she had found her explanation rather quickly.

An assault of confused stares passed between the other four Foxes as they too looked for any obvious clues. When nothing surfaced Dan breathed out a defeated sigh. “Go on then. What is it?”

Pleased to be the one they were looking to for answers Allison sat up a little straighter (rather impressively considering her level of intoxication and the shifting of the beanbag) and proclaimed, “It would appear Mr Andrew Minyard has been feeling uncharacteristically generous these past few days.”

Neil didn’t manage to note the reactions of the other Foxes as his focus shifted inwards. _Andrew? Had bought him clothes? Sure they’d arrived at the same time he did and yeah he’d paid for some before? But how had he known Neil needed some? Had he known?_ As the others carried on their conversations around him Neil let his thoughts wander to Andrew Minyard and whether everything he did had to have a hidden motive.

\---

Several hours later and the Foxes still sat together. It was dark outside but Neil had no idea what time it was. With the Sun setting early in the evening it was hard to distinguish between 7pm, 11pm or 2am. Still functioning on the fucked up hours of the Nest Neil was tired, so, so tired. He had no idea what time it would be right now at Evermore but he did know for certain that he should be trying to catch those hours of sleep before Riko forced him awake again. Currently he had his feet tucked up onto the chair and a blanket that Renee had brought out earlier draped across him. Every so often he would feel the clawing emptiness of sleep and the promise of rest crawl up around him, only to fight it down with a gulp of his drink and a pinch over one of the older bruises at his thigh. The need to close his eyes was growing more incessant now. It would have been easy enough to excuse himself and go back to his bed but he didn’t want all eyes to be on his tired, broken body when he made his way across the room. _Wimp_ ,he called himself, but still he didn’t move.

When he eventually caught Matt’s tired gaze as he looked up from the old film playing quietly on the Tv, they managed a silent agreement. Matt lowered his head slowly to Dan’s where it lay against his chest, until his lips almost brushed her ear. He whispered something quietly, too quietly for even Neil to hear, before pressing a kiss to her temple and slipping out from under her. As Matt navigating his way over a spread out, dosing Nicky and the empty takeaway pizza box, Neil did his best to ease himself up from the armchair without irritating any of his aching injuries. Matt had to have noticed the fragile pace that Neil moved at but thankfully he didn’t linger to watch or try and help.

The corridor was even darker and quieter so the two moved quickly, familiar with the exact number of steps it took to cross from one room to another. It was impossible to see much inside the Room but if Neil hadn’t been so worried about the anxiety that might overwhelm should he step inside he probably could have felt his way around. Instead he stood in the doorway as Matt went through the room flicking on every light and lamp. _After everything you’re scared of a few shadows_ , a voice that sounded too similar to Lola’s whispered in his ear.

With the room as bright as possible Neil steadied his breathing and directed himself to the bedroom.

“Want a drink?”, Matt called from the kitchen as he poured himself a glass of water, “I’m pretty sure there’s a box of hot chocolate powder somewhere.”

As good as that sounded (a single mug from Betsy had got him hooked - not that he would let her know that) all Neil really wanted was to sleep so he declined, pulled out the first long sleeve top and tracksuit bottoms he could find in his wardrobe and shut himself in the bathroom.

He didn’t bother with a shower tonight knowing that Matt would wake him up before practice tomorrow with plenty of time to shower and eat. As quick as he could with the now irritated pains across his back and waist, Neil faced away from the mirror and slipped into the pyjamas. He even went as far as to brush his teeth leaning against the sink so that he didn’t have to catch sight of himself.

By the time Neil emerged, Matt too had changed into something comfier and was waiting for him in the bedroom. “I thought I’d wait for you to get up the ladder before I turned off the light. That way you don’t end up slipping and crushing me.” Matt tried to play it off as lighthearted but still Neil couldn’t help but feel slightly insulted that his roommate worried he couldn’t climb a ladder.

“Thanks.”

Placing his hands on the rungs at shoulder height, Neil felt a painful twinge rush through him as he went to climb higher. As he lifted his right arm to the next, the pain became unbearable as he realised that Abby had been right when she said it wasn’t just a surface level bruise. He didn’t remember crying out but the next second Matt was beside him, telling him to _“Stop._ ” and that he “ _Should have realised that he would want the bottom bunk._ ”

Shame crawled up Neil and heated his cheeks as he fully accepted that he was so weak that he couldn’t even climb up into a bed. Matt refused to listen to Neil’s protests that he was fine and instead began to swap the bedding from the top bunk to the bottom. In no time at all they were reversed and Neil had no choice but to give in.

Feeling like a small child , Neil lowered himself onto the bottom bunk and slid between the covers. The relief hit him all at once and despite the light still being on and Matt still moving around Neil felt his eyes begin to drift shut.

The light flicked off and Matt clambered up to Neil’s usual bed. He heard a quiet, “Good Night, Neil.” through the mattresses and hoped with all his heart that it would be.

But of course a ‘Good Night’ wouldn’t stop the nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Pops head out from under the hood of my Kevin Day hoodie (No joke it is the greatest gift I have ever received*  
> So how did you think that went? I did spend a little time quickly checking for any glaring grammar errors but obviously I probably missed like 40.  
> The next chapter will probably be at practice when I highly doubt Neil is going to light what Wymack has planned for him (was that a spoiler? Can it be a spoiler if I haven't written it yet?)  
> Also for anyone that cares my tumblr is Booksbreakhearts so if there is anything you want to ask, comment on or propose a prompt (I seriously take a lot of what you propose on board) then give me a message. It doesn't even have to be about this fic. Want to talk about AFTG? Sure. Stalk my continuous Andreil posts? Go for it! Even recommend or ask for a recommendation of a show or book! Honestly I just love interacting with you! (Okay that sounded creepy)


	12. Just an Update! (Sorry!)

Heyyy!   
I'm probably going to delete this really soon but I just thought I would quickly let you guys know that I am FINALLY free from school for two weeks so that hopefully means I can write quite a bit!  
I've been crazy busy with revision these past few days but I am trying to get ahead of it today so i have lots of spare time later.  
Finges crossed I should have a new update up by mid-late week and then probably another over the weekend.  
Thank you again and again for all of your support! I hope you continue to enjoy!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned! (A little later than I originally planned but I have returned none the less)  
> Of course all my plans to write a little each day this week crashed and burnt very early on. Who knew GCSEs took so much time to revise for? Honestly it seems like all I do in my holidays is revise awful subjects! Eww! But you're not here to hear about all that boring stuff :') And besides, this week has been okay in some aspects. I mean I managed to watch all of 13 Reasons Why (Thoughts: Clay, Jeff and Tony are smol children that need to be protected) and I have been continual rewatching the new Attack On Titan episodes because lord knows I have waited long enough for them!  
> I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter. Once again I wrote it all in one sitting and no matter how hard I try my mind seems to make up words or add unnecessary ones in so please let me know if you spot any mistakes. I think I kind of lost it towards the end so if you guys think the same then please let me know and i will try to spend some time fixing it.   
> I also want to say Thank You soooo much once again because as I write this Not A Pipe dream is at 246 Kudos and 3224 Hits! That is an insane amount considering I never actually planned to post it and it is all down to you guys! You are honestly the best!  
> In other news how are you guys? Are you doing well? Any TV, film or book recommendations that you would like to bestow upon me? Also please tell me at least one of you watches AOT?  
> (For any of you wondering about my Kevin hoodie , it is from Redbubble and you can of course get all the other characters to. My friends bought me Kevin because I am a sad little history nerd that knows way too many useless facts. FUN FACT though: I'm actually Tee Total (Sorry Kevin dear))

Neil was back in the Nest.

He knew even before he opened his eyes that when he eventually did Riko would standing over him. Watching. Grinning. Thinking about how he could inflict as much pain as possible. He could hear his steady breathing above; It wasn’t until Riko let himself go that it became ragged and wild, like a dog finally let off of its lead to hunt.

Neil on the other hand tried to keep his breathing as shallow and steady as possible despite the strain of his heart against his ribs as the fear began to build. Every part of his body ached and burnt from the beatings he had taken both on and off the court these past few…days?...weeks?...

_...how long had he been here?_

His eyebrow must have furrowed or his breathing hitched because the next second he heard a sharp tutt from up above followed by the rustle of clothing as the person moved closer. Hands pressed firmly into the pillow on either side of Neil’s head and he cringed back knowing that their was no use in feigning unconsciousness now.

“Oh good Nathaniel, you’re awake.”

Riko spoke with mock kindness in his voice, the tone he usually reserved for press conferences and reporters, but to anyone who knew him off camera it was clear that it meant nothing good was coming. At the sound of his real name, Neil couldn’t help the way his eyes shot open and left him staring helplessly into the dark pits of Riko’s. He was startlingly close, his face mere inches from Neil’s and moving closer.

Riko stopped when his lips were almost touching Neil’s ear and his breath sent painful shivers down the Fox’s spine. Still Neil couldn’t talk. He couldn’t fight back. His arms and legs wouldn’t move and he could only lie there and wait for whatever came next.

“Now Nathaniel, we’ve been over this before.” he began in mock whisper, “When it gets too much for you, don’t hesitate to cry.”

The darkness wrapped itself around him and as the pain began Neil started to fall.

***

He managed to get his hands out just in time to stop his face from hitting the court. Neil’s hands were red, bloody and bruised, broken blisters coated the inside of his hands and his nails were broken down to tiny stubs. He didn’t think the Raven’s had leant him any gloves to begin with - he couldn’t remember a time when his hands and body didn’t hurt- but even if they had they were long gone now. His hands were leaving red smudges across the court in front of him but he didn’t have the energy to pull himself back up. Instead he just lay on his stomach trying to steal back his breath.

They’d been playing for what seemed like hours. Every part of Neil hurt, from the cuts in his shoes and the bruises on his knees, right up to the blows he had taken to the head every time a Raven decided to slam him into the barriers. It was illegal of course but when had that ever stopped the them?

He could have only been lying there less than a minute before Riko approached but it seemed like so much longer. He was tired and hurting and all he wanted was to close his eyes and wake up in Palmetto but-

A sharp kick to his side rolled him onto his back. Neil clenched his teeth to stop the groan so hard that his jaw clicked and his eyes watered.

“Get up Nathaniel. You’re holding us up.” Riko spoke with no acknowledgement of the obvious pain Neil was in and as if he had just stopped to tie his shoelace.

Over the past few games Neil had learnt the hard way not to argue back so with as steady a breath as he could manage he pushed himself up. Or tried to.

Somewhere between his head and feet his body rebelled and both of his legs buckled beneath him. Neil crumpled back to the floor and once again his breath was knocked out of him.

“I said _Get. Up_.” Riko’s voice was raised now as he stressed each and every syllable. The faces of the other Ravens turned towards them both now as they sensed an oncoming storm. For once it wasn’t Neil’s disobedience that kept him from following a direct order, it was the pain the rocketed through every nerve on his body and left him a shaking heap on the floor. Even though he knew to expect it, the kick to his stomach still shocked him and this time he wasn’t quick enough to stifle the groan.

“Get up Nathaniel.” ,he heard as another blow struck his shoulder.

“Get up!” He lost his helmet.

There was more than one person beating him now with feet and fists and bats.

“Get Up!”

“Get Up!”

_Get Up!_

***

“Wake up!”.

Everything was dark but he could hear uneven breathing beside him and feel the heat from a body close by. Neil wouldn’t let them hurt him. _Couldn’t_ let them hurt him. “Neil, wa-”

With as much force as he could manage, Neil propelled himself upright, arms and elbows forced out in attempt to fight back. He felt his left elbow connect weakly with whoever was standing next to him but still with enough power and surprise to generate a gasp. Not wanting to lose this advantage Neil looked to see if there was anything blocking his route between the bed and the door. But something stopped him.

The room had changed. The Nest was dark and black and scarcely decorated. This room was warm and brightened slightly by the early morning glow creeping in between the blinds. It didn’t make sense. How could Riko’s ro- he realised suddenly exactly where he was and then a second later who that meant he had hit. Turning quick enough to irritate a bruise on his shoulder, Neil looked down to where Matt kneeled beside him, one hand pressed to his cheek but eyes focussed solely on Neil. He didn’t even seem entirely aware that he had just been hit in the face by the same boy.

“Neil,” he spoke hesitantly and slowly, as if trying to guide someone back from a ledge. “Neil it’s okay. It’s just you and me. You’re in our room in Palmetto. Your,” his voice trailed off into nothing as he tried to keep himself composed.

Neil had to turn away to focus on his breathing which was still coming out in laboured pants. Looking down at his shirt he saw that he had sweat through his top so much that it clung to his body and if Matt had looked close enough he would have seen the puckered and swollen outlines of injuries old and new. He became aware of his fringe sticking down uncomfortably over his forehead and moving slowly he brushed it back across his head. That slight movement took too much from him and he had to rest his head against his hand and remind himself to _breathe._

“I’m-”, he didn’t know what to say. _‘Fine’_ would be an obvious lie but _‘sorry_ ’ didn’t seem to cover it. Instead Neil tried a different approach and asked quietly whether he had woken Matt. “No of course not!”, Matt tried to lie but unlike Neil he hadn’t had years of practice. At Neil’s disbelieving look Matt ran his hand through his already bed mussed hair until it stood up even more than usual. “Well not completely, I was already waking up for practice when I em- heard you.”

 _Heard him?_ Had Neil said something _?_ Just saying Riko’s name would reveal where he had been over Christmas and Neil wasn’t ready for that to become public knowledge.

“What did I say Matt?”, Neil’s voice came out more forceful and aggressive than he had wanted and Matt’s slight shuffle back indicated it hadn’t been what he had expected either. “Nothing Neil. You didn’t say anything you just kind of, _cried out_. I tried to talk to you but I don’t think you could hear me and when I tried to shake you, you shouted a little, and Jesus Neil, are you okay?” Once he started talking Matt didn’t seem to be able to stop and his worry for Neil was growing even more obvious. But Neil ignored all that. He hadn’t spoken in his sleep and for now he could take feel a little bit of relief in knowing that only Wymack, Abby and Andrew - and probably Kevin- knew where he had been.

Ignoring the unanswered question that still lingered in the air, Neil edged himself off of the bunk bed and went to pick up some clean clothes. “You don’t mind if I catch a lift to the stadium with you do you?” He didn’t turn round to see Matt’s expression but the surprise in his reply was impossible to miss. “Of course buddy. I’ll make us some coffee while you get ready.”

With that, Neil sent Matt a forced smile and shut himself in the bathroom. Whilst the water heated up Neil pried off his damp pajamas and pushed them to the bottom of the wash basket. By the time he had climbed under the water it had reached an almost unbearable temperature but the scalding water helped him wash away the lingering touches of his nightmare. He washed sitting down, his back pressed against the bathtub sides, lacking the energy needed to hold himself up unsupported. If he could have Neil would have sat there until the water ran cold but Matt was waiting in the room outside and Neil couldn’t risk him coming in here.

Just like the night before he dried off and dressed with his back facing towards the mirror and remembered to stick a plaster from under the sink onto his cheekbone. Unsurprisingly the usual sports gear he wore to go to the court hadn’t left the Nest with him so he was left with a pair of jeans and the NYC top until he managed to get to some shops. Thankfully he still had his Foxes Uniform locked up at the court so once he arrived he could quickly change. Despite the horrors of Edgar Allen still following him around and the aches across his entire body, Neil couldn’t wait to get back on the Foxes Court. He needed to release the tension inside of him somehow but also replace the bad memories of Evermore with new ones with his team. When he emerged about 15 minutes later, he found Matt shuffling around the kitchen. He held a now empty bowl of cereal in his hand and when he spotted Neil pointed towards a full one and a mug of strong coffee set out in front of one of the stools. For once Neil didn’t argue or complain about someone doing something nice for him and set upon his breakfast whilst Matt excused himself to get ready.

The coffee was bitter and strong - exactly how Neil liked it- and it gave him the energy boost he needed to stay awake. The cereal on the other hand, despite being Neil’s favourite, sat untouched in his bowl. No matter how many times he stirred it around and tried to lift the spoon to his mouth he couldn’t stomach eating right now and the two spoonfuls he did manage sat uncomfortably in his stomach. In the end he resorted to tipping it into the bin and washing up the bowl before Matt came back in. Neil had just dried and put away the last dish when Matt came strolling back in, the car’s key swinging on one finger. “Ready to go?” he asked light enough that it was hard to detect his underlying meaning.

Neil feigned ignorance to the unspoken _‘Are you okay?’_ and moved around the island to unhook his Foxes JOSTEN 10 hoodie from where he had left it last term.

“Yeah I’m ready.” and for once as he said those words, Neil didn’t think he lying.

***

The drive to the court was uneventful. Dan, Allison and Renee had gone in Allison’s new car and had texted Matt to let them know they would see him and Neil when they arrived at the stadium. Matt spent several minutes flicking between different tracks before settling on one before they set off but spent the majority of the short ride talking over it about his Christmas holiday. It was a much more concise recount than the one Nicky had given as by the time the truck pulled into the Stadium Matt had given his own portrayal of the entire New Years weekend.

Neil hadn’t really been listening all that closely in the car but at the sight of the Foxhole Court he stopped listening altogether. The stadium was bright and garish and completely at odds with Edgar Allen. Where Evermore was dark and black, the Foxhole Court was bright and white and orange. As Neil walked in he felt as if he was seeing it all for the first time and couldn’t help the slight smile that threatened to creep out onto his face.

As per usual, things quickly went downhill.

The rest of the Foxes were already kitted out in their uniforms and were chatting amongst themselves whilst they waited for their last teammates. Dan, Allison and Renee had squished themselves onto one sofa whilst Aaron and Nicky perched on the opposite one. Kevin stood with his back facing out towards the rest of them, analysing a collection of arrows and labels that he had drawn on the whiteboard. Of course, Andrew had removed himself entirely from the group and sat looking bored on a bean bag in the far corner. The fact that he was in his kit suggested he might actually participate but knowing Andrew he probably just did it to get everyone’s hopes up.

As Neil and Matt entered all eyes except for Kevin turned to them - or more precisely turned to Neil - and he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny of their gaze. Taking of his sunglasses, Matt moved to behind where Dan sat and pulled her back to kiss her forehead. Her face and eyes crinkled up in delight as they said good morning to each other and Allison rolled her eyes beside them.

“Boyd the time for canoodling has come and gone. Changing room. Now. I want you lot on the Court in 10.” Wymack didn’t bother with pleasantries as he and Abby entered the locker room from his office but nobody expected him to.

“Good morning to you to Coach!” Matt grinned back, his positivity near impossible to shake. He pushed back off the sofa and disappeared quickly through the door into the changing room. As he left the attention moved back to Neil one gaze at a time until he could feel their smiles burning holes in his clothes. Out of habit he ran his hand through the curls that were growing longer than usual on his head but quickly snatched it back when he realised that he was drawing attention to his new look. He didn’t bother to excuse himself as he hunched his shoulders and walked in the same direction as Matt, eager to get changed into his uniform and get out on Court. Neil was almost at the door, one hand reaching out to push it open when Wymack cleared his throat behind him. “And where in God’s name do you think you are going, Josten?”

Clenching his teeth Neil turned back to his team, their happy grins now replaced with uncertainty. Was Coach playing some sort of prank on him? What did he mean where was he going? He didn’t bother to try and hide his confusion as he said, “The locker room?”.

Obviously unimpressed by Neil’s apparent smartmouth, Wymack folded his arms over his chest and quirked an eyebrow. “And why on Earth would you need to do that?”

Their confrontation had drawn even Kevin and Andrew’s attention but the Foxes remained silent as the scene played out. Neil couldn’t understand what Wymack was on about and he was beginning to get annoyed at being the centre of attention. “To get changed. Look Coach I don’t kn-” He didn’t get to finish because in the next second Wymack had released a loud and sarcastic laugh.

“Of course, Neil, of course! How could I not expect to have to spell this out for you? You’re. Not. Playing.”

The words hit him worse than any blow he had received at Edgar Allen. _Not playing._ How could Neil not be playing? As hard he tried to articulate this all that came out was a jumbled mess of words. “ But Coach- You can’t. I can play fine!”

Still Wymack kept up his humoured facade but it was beginning to edge more towards seriousness now. “You’re a trainwreck, kid, and I won’t have you limping around my court doing heaven knows what to your body.”

It wasn’t fair! Neil had fought his way through the Nest to get back to his team and he would not let what Riko did to him affect his game. Oblivious to his teammates behind him Neil raised his voice to argue his case “I managed to play _there!_ ” Even if the Foxes had known where he spent the break he wouldn’t have dared to say the name out loud but the scowl that Wymack sent him back -all humour gone now- said that he knew exactly where Neil meant. “Well you are not there now and on my team you play when Abby says you are fit enough to play!”

Despite knowing it was futile, Neil tried to send a pleading look to Abby. If he could just get her to let him play today, just this match, just half of one, play anything at all, he would be relieved but of course she shook her head. “Neil you need to let yourself heal. Some of your knuckles are almost dislocated and if you aren’t careful you are going to permanently damage your shoulders. Let yourself rest or you’ll never forgive yourself.” Her words were soft and smooth but that didn’t stop the shame that burnt itself red across Neil’s cheeks. Just as before he could feel the others’ gaze moving over him, focusing now on the injuries that Abby had called out. Subconsciously he knew that if he turned around Kevin would be looking at his hands thinking about how he hadn’t had the option to slow the damage. With that in mind Neil clenched his fists at his sides but let out a shaking breath. “Fine but what am I supposed to do instead?”

It turned out Coach had thought ahead as in the middle of the coffee table was a stack of brown folders which Neil recognised from nights spent studying tactics with Kevin. Each folder contained the statistics and profiles of potential competitors that Neil was told to analyse and revise. He doubted it would help his performance that much but with the embarrassment of being called out in front of his teammates still fresh in his mind, Neil wasn’t going to argue back.

When Matt emerged wordlessly a few minutes later, having probably heard the whole conversation through the walls, the Foxes and Wymac filed out onto the Court one by one. Abby had gone to sit back in her office but had left the door slightly ajar so that she could see out to where Neil was sat. Andrew was the last to leave but he halted in the doorway and turned back to look at Neil. He drew his eyebrows together and looked as if he about to say something important to the striker. As he took in a breath Neil felt himself sit up straighter and lean forward waiting for the words to come. However the enchantment quickly crumbled as Andrew snapped “Fucking Junkie.” before slamming the door and striding over to the court.

***

The hours dragged by sitting silently in the locker room. Neil had made it through a whole team’s worth of folders before giving in to sheer, unrelenting boredom and pushing the remaining stack of folders to the floor. Abby attempted to make conversation but each of her attempts were met by one word replies from Neil.

Eventually he decided to load up one of the NCAA finals from a few years ago onto the room’s Tv to give himself something to do. He had of course seen it several times before but that didn’t take away from his enjoyment of the first half. As much as he tried to he couldn’t fight the fatigue descending down on him. He hated how tired he was since leaving Evermore and he hated that he couldn't fight it off. Despite his best efforts Neil didn’t make it to the second half bell.

For the second time in less than four hours, Neil Josten was forced awake. He felt the sudden rush of something hitting him but wasn’t quick enough to bat it away. By the time he had fully come to his senses and registered where he was -one foot already beneath him- the attacking folder had already spread its contents across the sofa.

“For fucks sake Andrew! Why did you have to do that?” , Dan shouted.

The Foxes had changed back into their own clothes now, clearly having been trying to leave Neil undisturbed for as long as possible. Andrew stood by the door, not having bothered to wait and see if his shot hit the target . “Oh stop complaining. I could have chosen something with a lot more weight. Like that.” he added pointing to a spare racket by the door. Matt tensed behind Neil which only caused Andrew to laugh to himself as he left the stadium, Aaron, Nicky and Kevin following silently behind them.

 _“Bastard._ ”, Neil heard Matt whisper from behind. Once Neil had managed to pull himself entirely up from the sofa he pivoted to face the remaining Foxes. Matt looked slightly aggravated but that was blocked out by the beaming smiles that the girls were emitting. Renee’s smile was the biggest of all as she stepped forward and tucked her hair behind an ear. “Come on Neil. We’re going home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? I am UBER unsure about everything after the last set of '***' so if you think I should get rid of it or edit it pleaseeee let me know!   
> I am also toying with the idea of having Neil made to go and see Betsy in the next chapter. Do you think that would work?  
> As per usual I am a comments whore and I've left you with a lot of questions so off you go... be free!!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys! Guess what!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! And what better way to spend your 16th birthday than writing The Foxhole Court Fanfic? Seriously though, it has been super relaxing to take a day off from revising and to get back to these characters.  
> The only problem is that I wrote almost 5000 words today for what I hoped would just be one chapter but it ended up being far too long to have as just one. That is why if you get updates for Not A Pipe Dream you'll see that I am posting this as two chapters. That however means that this first bit, which on its own is one of my least favourite chapters, is not super action packed. There is however lots of angst (which you guys seem to love) and if any of you remember my question about Bee at the end of the last chapter, you'll see how I used lots of your advice.  
> I feel like my writing is getting slowly worse but if you guys like it please let me know and if not, any feedback you have would be AMAZING! I am going to be insanely busy when I get back to school tomorrow so updates may be a lot less frequent over the next two months and for that I am so so sorry!  
> There will be lots of spelling and grammar mistakes so as per usual let me know if you spot any or if there is anything you are confused about just let me know. Also how are you guys doing? As you know I like to ask you guys a question so...hmm what should today's be? Okay, any film recommendations?  
> Just a sneaky preview, the next chapter is a WHOLE load of Andreil!

The next day was much the same. And the day after that. And then the following. Each morning Neil would wake, sweating and shaking, a scream caught in his throat and feet already moving to run. He would have to sit there silently and reassure himself that he was Neil Josten, he was in Palmetto, he was _home_. Matt would be beside him instantly but never pressing or demanding an explanation: he just wanted his friend to know he was there. For the first few days Matt had tried to convince him to talk to someone, “It doesn’t have to be me if you don’t want.” he had suggested, “Wymack or Abby or Betsy could help or any of the Foxes.” When he realised just how futile his attempts at aid were Matt had diverted to silent reassurance as the sun crept up and cast away the night. But despite his obvious desire to help Matt had yet to mention it to any of his teammates - even Dan- and for that Neil was silently grateful.

That didn’t however mean they hadn’t noticed the changes. When they arrived at practice nobody could help but notice the growing shadows beneath Neil’s eyes, darkening until they resembled the bruises hidden beneath his shirt. They couldn’t help but note how he was withdrawing even more than before from any conversation or how he would flinch at the slightest sound. Each of them had suspicions as to what had triggered this alteration but none except Kevin could even begin to understand what the 24 hours days or the nightmares that scared him from sleep could really be about.

Neil , only slightly less observant than usual, couldn’t help but see the pitying, worried glances that bounced around the room each time he went in and the thought of what they now saw revolted him. It wasn’t until the Thursday of the next week that they -probably Wymack or Abby- decided enough was enough.

As he had begun to do each day when the Foxes went out onto the Court to practice, Neil led back on the sofa and set an alarm on his phone. It was timed to go off at 11:45; 15 minutes before the team would cut back through the room to change in the Lockers. It would give him just enough time to steal the minimal amount of sleep he would need to keep him going until later that evening when he could try and fail to sleep well. At first the thought of sleeping in such an open room with Abby in the room adjacent had disgusted and frankly scared Neil into trying to stay awake long enough to read through the ever growing Player Profiles that Wymack left him. Each time though he had been jolted awake with no recollection of falling asleep to the sound of the team sneaking back in.

Eventually it became apparent that Wymack didn’t really care if Neil worked through the pile or not and Neil , thinking about all the other opportunities that Abby had had to hurt him, began to use this time to rest. This was exactly what Neil had planned to do when he recognised the sound off two people walking towards him.

On reflex Neil stiffened, tensing his muscles until his injuries screamed enough at him to stop. He felt like a rabbit trapped in headlights, a deer caught at the end of a gun. He was too scared to move even an inch to see who it could be. Instead his mind ran through all the potential suspects. It couldn’t be Wymack because his voice could be heard only slightly muffled by the door to court, shouting insults at the team. Neil also would have heard the court door open if anyone had entered so that discounted all the Foxes too. There was Abby who would have only been sitting in her nurse’s office but that didn’t explain the presence of the second person…

Again Neil cringed inwards as he felt one of the bodies move closer and heard the quiet intake of breathe before someone moves to speak.

“Neil, sweetie? Are you awake?”, the voice was sickeningly sweet, like how a mother was supposed to speak to her child or a teacher welcoming a pupil. Anyone else would have admired the warmth in the voice and moved towards it, but Neil? He was already pushing himself up into a sitting position to better get away from a potential conversation with Betsy Dobson.

No longer feigning sleep Neil was able to get a clear view of Betsy - dressed in her typical colourful ensemble- and Abby in a soft looking navy jumper. Their arrival had roused Neil from his nap and given him enough nervous energy to sit up straight but even that wasn’t enough to shake away the constant fog over his mind.

As he moved the two women smiled encouragingly down over him, obviously glad that they had managed to catch him before he was asleep. Just as she had learnt to do over the past week of Neil sleeping in the room, Abby kept her distance ensuring that Neil had enough space to breath and focus. Betsy, unfortunately, didn’t appear to have received a briefing and smiling made to give Neil a hug or perhaps a supportive pat to the shoulder.

She didn’t reach him though. Her smile moving towards him morphed with little trouble into Lola’s - his father’s right hand woman- menacing grin. He was pretty sure he gasped or maybe stopped breathing altogether but as he blinked to try and erase the illusion it only became more realistic. Her hair changed colour as did her eyes and then all he could here was Lola’s voice repeating his name over and over “Neil. Neil! _Neil!_ ”

Suddenly he noticed Lola had never called him by that name before, only Nathaniel or more commonly Junior, and the illusion dissolved. Betsy had retreated to stand beside Abby but both of them looked as though they were having to restrain themselves from moving closer. Neil felt the side of the armchair digging into his lower back and realised that at some point he had moved to stand and press himself further away from the others. His legs felt wobbly beneath him as the struggled to support him and his eyes felt blurry and unfocused.

“It’s okay.”, his cracked voice whispered to the women or maybe to himself. Neil flinched at the weakness in his voice that felt too loud in his ears. When they still made no attempt to move towards him, Neil looked up from the point on the carpet that he had been staring a hole into and sent and accusing look first to Betsy and then to Abby. “What do you want?”

Clearly they sensed the switch in his attitude as for a moment they looked only at each other, seemingly having a silent exchange. Abby was either the winner or the loser of the conversation depending on her goal as she was the first to turn back and speak to Neil. “Well Neil,” she paused to ensure he was listening, “you know each player had to go for a meeting at the start of each term with Betsy before we can clear them to stay on the team so both of us -me and Bee - thought it might be a good idea to get yours over with today.”

“It doesn’t even really have to be a meeting!”, Betsy added on. “We could call it more of a catch up or a chit-”.

Neil had heard enough that he didn’t let her finish. “I’m not talking with you!” he said, louder than he intending but still sending the desired message across. He hated therapists. The way they tried to pry into lives and learn your secrets only to try and fix you like a difficult equation. What would he have told Betsy any way? About the Nest? Riko? Or would she have prefered it if he started from the beginning and told her every detail about his childhood? He could make it as horrible as he knew how and go into graphic detail about each task his father had set him. Neil wondered if all her training could prepare her for that.

But they weren’t about to give up because Abby tried to press again. “Neil talking might help you. We’ve noticed that you aren’t yourself and I know we promised not to ask but you’re hurting and we can’t just sit back and watch.”

Maybe if Neil hadn’t still been shaken from illusion he would have appreciated their offer - he wasn’t going to pretend he would have spoken though- but instead he was angry and horrified at their pity. “Stop! Just-Just stop talking.” The harshness to his voice alarmed even him and his heart continued to speed up and fight against his rib cage. He felt his grasp on his control slip but he wasn’t about to panic again in front of anyone so his let his body take charge. When Neil looked up again he was outside of the stadium and in the middle of the carpark. For several minutes he waited, unsure of where to go or what to do next and half expecting Abby and Betsy to come out looking for him. Thankfully the door remained closed and he was somewhat grateful that they had withheld from coming after him. The car park was empty of people and the only cars belonged to the Foxes and the three adults inside. Fox Tower was within walking distance of the Court if Neil had been feeling up to it but truthfully he didn’t trust himself to go anywhere right now and he hated the thought of encountering any of the other students who had begun to arrive back on campus now.

To avoid both this and the thought of going back inside Neil stood alone in the centre of the car park and counted to ten in as many languages as he could to slow his pounding heart and to seize back control. Eventually after debating climbing up to sit in the bed of Matt’s truck Neil wandered over to sit down on the curb and draw his knees up to his chest.

He had left his phone on the coffee table inside so Neil wasn’t too sure how long he sat like that. It couldn’t have been long because the Sun seemed to have scarcely moved across the sky but it was long enough that cold had begun to seep through Neil’s thin NYC top and to chill the bones beneath. Very few thoughts had passed through his mind as he sat on the roadside. Riko and the Nest seemed a distant story with the cold bright light of the Sun up above and for a little while he was able to just sit.

Neil was roused from his lack of thoughts by the door opening across the lot and spitting a surprisingly cheery looking Betsy out and a Andrew in his normal clothes looking remarkably good natured considering that only a few hours earlier he had been sending threatening glances at his ‘teammates’ and tapping his blades beneath his wrist bands when Neil had watched him for too long.

Seeming to sense eyes on his back, Andrew’s head turned until he locked onto Neil and the semi-smile was wiped off of his face. His attention shifted again quickly though, apparently disinterested in Neil and went back to talking with Betsy. It seemed they had been walking in the direction of her car but after a quick few words from both sides Betsy carried on alone and Andrew turned on Neil once again.

 _Shit_. was the only thing Neil seemed to be able to think. He wasn’t really scared of Andrew - at least not how he should be - but he was not really in the mood to battle with someone so strong willed. The idea of walking away before Andrew could reach him came and went quickly as it was more than likely Andrew would just get in his car and run him over if he was set on talking. It would have been too late anyway as in no time the black boots stopped in front of him.

“Up.”

Andrew’s tone was as emotionless as usual but his words were the first non-threatening or insulting words he had said to Neil all week and so despite his usual rebellion against direct orders Neil did as he was told.

Standing up he was only 3 inches taller than Andrew but being this close meant that he had to angle his head down to properly read his face. Andrew mustn’t have been expecting the striker to follow orders so willingly as Neil swore he saw one blonde eyebrow quirk upwards in surprise before the mask set back into place. “Walk.”, he said next in the same town as before and sure that Neil would follow began to cross the car park to his car. Neil did as he was told. With the memory of the strange drive the other day and the tale in that town’s car park Neil should have been reluctant or at least wary of getting into Andrew’s car but he pulled himself into the passenger seat with no hesitation or awareness of his injuries. The clock on the dashboard said it was only 10am so the other Foxes wouldn’t be finishing for another 2 hours and that meant Andrew had been allowed to leave early. Neil wanted to know what Andrew was planning and if he got killed in the process, well, he only had himself to blame.

Not offering up any other words Andrew starting the ignition and turned towards Fox tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Was it bad? Good? Carry onto the next chapter if you want more because one word:  
> Andreil.....


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Part 2 of my birthday gift to you! This is a very Andreil heavy chapter and whilst I don't hate it as much as others I can't help but think it is really out of character on Andrew's side of things. What do you think?  
> If you think it is too OOC please let me know and I will try to fix it.  
> I've been giving this story a lot of thought over the past few days and I would love it so much if you guys could give me a few ideas as to what you would like to see or where you think I should go with this. I have an idea in mind for maybe the next chapter which may actually be much more light hearted than usual. I am thinking about doing something where the upperclassmen drag Neil along to a Pre-School Term party. Thoughts?  
> Towards the end of this chapter I had a little of Andrew's POV and was just wondering how you guys felt about that.  
> Finally, I am going to have less time to write these nexts weeks so would you prefer shorter chapters or less frequent updates?  
> Again let me know what you think of this chapter and if you spot any mistakes!  
> Thank You! Enjoy!

The drive was incredibly short and frankly quite anticlimactic. Andrew drove directly back to Fox Tower - be it at a reckless speed- with no diversions or alternate routes and stopped harshly in his usual spot. He looked over at Neil only briefly as if to say ‘ _Don’t make me say it.’_ before flinging open the door and climbing out.

They walked single file over to the Tower and up the stairs which the blond took two at a time. Neil was beginning to wonder whether Andrew had just given him a lift home as he was coming back anyway, when Andrew walked straight past his own room and halted outside of Matt and Neil’s. With his mind racing to try and decipher what Andrew was planning he didn’t even hesitate to hand over the room key when a hand was held out in front of him expectantly.

Neil couldn’t ever remember being alone in _his_ room with Andrew as usually there was at least one other teammate in there with them or they were in someone else’s room. For one strange moment Neil had the urge to offer Andrew a drink or ask if he was hungry. The moment quickly passed though when Neil heard the sound of the door shutting and the slide of the inside bolt locking.

He edged himself slightly closer to the kitchen draws now and as soon as Andrew entered the room he used this secret advantage to sprout the courage to demand and answer. “What the hell are you doing here Andrew?”

The shorter of the two didn’t bother to look surprised at Neil’s first words to him or even fake interest. “I’m going to do nothing Neil but you on the other hand are going to go into that bedroom and sleep.”

The words didn’t make sense at first. What the hell did Andrew care if he slept? Besides, he spoke as if it was an easy thing to and if it was just Neil’s stubbornness causing his fatigue. The striker went to say as much but was quickly shut down,“What the fu-.”

“Oh don’t play dim with me. Everyone has noticed your recent transfer from the living to the dead and it is getting annoying hearing them complain and speculate so do yourself a favour, stop wallowing in their pity and finish with it.”

Clearly having said all he wanted to but not planning on leaving, Andrew turned his back to Neil and climbed onto the kitchen stool. Anger and frustration burnt inside Neil and he wanted to shout at Andrew and tell him how very much he didn’t want their pity but the only thing that came out was a different truth. “I can’t.”

Andrew made going to sleep sound so easy but as much as he tried, Neil couldn’t fight off the nightmares. Turning only his head to the side Andrew replied, “Can’t or won’t?”

Those three words had enough power to force Neil back a step. He told himself again and again that he couldn’t help the nightmares but keeping himself awake as long as possible on the nights he feared sleep was all down to him. He knew he couldn’t win this argument. Without another word Neil left the kitchen and shut himself in the bedroom.

Why the hell was he letting a Minyard talk him into something? He knew that it would be easy enough to lie in wait in his room pretending to sleep but he couldn’t see any potential victories from that front. With reluctance Neil slipped off his belt, pushed it under his pillow and led his head back on the pillow to look up at the bars. It wasn’t long until he sunk into the oblivion of sleep.

***

Neil was upright, head in his hands and shaking all over as the walls of his bedroom came back into focus. For once he didn’t feel sick to his stomach and his top was only very slightly damp compared to the usual sodden material. In his dream he had just finished a painful and bruising match at The Nest and was methodically peeling off each layer of uniform and checking for injuries. It hadn’t been a violent dream - not yet anyway- just full of anxiety and the stress that came with Evermore. Neil had moved under the water of one of the showers watching as the water gained a pinkish hue. Behind him he had heard the bathroom door open, the sound of footsteps and then a hand on his shoulder. Then he had woken up.

Usually it was the fear in his dreams or a shudder across his body that woke him up but today it hadn’t reached that point and he couldn’t help but wonder why he was awake. The answer came to him when he realised that the pounding in his ears was a fist on the front door and not just the sound of his heart.

The pounding stopped all of a sudden and it was then that Neil remembered the twin he had left in the kitchen.

“Boyd! What a surprise!” he heard Andrew greet, voices easily audible through the thin dorm walls.

“Where the hell is he?” Neil had never heard Matt sound this angry, even with everything that the Foxes got up to and Neil could only sit frozen on his bed as the two argued.

“You’re going to have to be more precise than that Matt. Around 50% of the population are male , Unless you are referring to the Big He up in the sky which in that case you should probably speak with Renee.”

“Don’t fuck with me right now Andrew. Betsy said you dropped out of your session to speak with Neil. Why she trusted you I have-”

Through the walls Neil heard Andrew make a comical sound of enlightenment. “Oh Neil! Gee you should have just said so.” Matt went quiet to listen for what he came for. “He’s bleeding out on the kitchen floor. He just wouldn’t stop talking. Surely you understand and maybe even owe me a thank you.”

There was a booming sound on the door and for a moment Neil wondered whether Matt had pulled the door down and removed the 5 foot problem in his path. “Ah ah ah Boyd. Neil is sleeping...willingly, _Jesus_ what do you take me for? Now if you don’t mind.”

Presumably before Matt had chance to react, the door clicked shut and the lock slid in place. Matt banged on the door a few times for good measure but once he realised Andrew wasn’t going to give in it stopped and he must have walked away.

What was Neil supposed to do now? Sure he could try to get back to sleep but when he remembered where the dream left off he had no desire to resume it. Shifting out of the bed slowly so as not to hit his head, Neil straightened his wrinkled top and went out to ensure Andrew hadn’t destroyed his room.

He found the twin sitting back where he had left him at the Kitchen counter and if not for everything he had just heard Neil may have thought he hadn’t moved. Neil didn’t want to risk sneaking up behind Andrew so he stopped maybe 2 metres back and cleared his throat. The look that Andrew sent him was unimpressed and said _what do you want?_

“I thought that would have woken you from your beauty sleep. Maybe now you won’t look like you black out every time you take stand up.”

It unnerved Neil to think of Andrew watching him struggle but after the past few hours he didn’t have it in himself to be annoyed.

“Are going back to sleep?”

Neil only shook his head.

“Are you going to see Matt?”

He shrugged his shoulders, for some reason not convinced that he wanted to break the chain of whatever Andrew had planned.

“Use your fucking words. You’re not to be left on your own so are you going with Matt or coming with me?”

Neil knew what the answer should be. Matt was his roommate that wouldn’t pressure him whilst Andrew was impossible to understand and easy to anger. The answer that Neil gave surprised even himself. “I’ll go with you.”

If this was what Andrew had expected he didn’t show it, only slid down from his stool and went out into the corridor. Surprisingly he didn’t turn left and go down to the carpark but carried on to the right where the two of them climbed wordlessly up a set of stairs and onto the roof.

It was freezing outside in the early afternoon sun and again Neil cursed himself for not wearing his Foxes hoodie. There was an icy wind this high up but it didn’t seem to phase Andrew as he went straight to edge of the roof where there were no barriers to stop a stray gust of wind pushing him over. For several seconds Neil fought the urge to go back inside and find Matt but his curiosity got the better of him and he went to sit beside Andrew. By the time he had crossed his legs to resemble how Andrew sat, the other had pulled out a packet of cigarettes and was bringing the first one to his lips.

In a strange show of generosity Andrew held out the packet to Neil in offering. Despite knowing what memories the smell would bring and that he probably wouldn’t take more than one drag, Neil accepted one and held it out for Andrew to light.

They sat like that for what must have been several hours as the sunlight quickly faded and was replaced by the darkness that could arrive as early as 4:30 in winter. They made their way through the packet of cigarettes quickly, Andrew actually smoking them and Neil letting them burn right down. Students loitered all around the campus and from this height the pair could see what seemed to be everything. The football team moved around in a pack and friends sat around the grassy verges in groups. Neil wasn’t sure if he saw Aaron walking with one of the cheerleaders -Katelyn Neil thought it was- but perhaps it was another blond with another girl. He didn’t point it out Andrew believing he knew exactly how he would react if it really was his brother.

When the pastime of smoking had stopped being possible and Neil had taken to watching the campus below, Andrew had found something else to watch. His eyes trailed quickly over the boy next to him at first looking at his hair and cheek and broken body, making quick study and building a basic outline. He hadn’t people watching him so he tried to pull his eyes away and find something else to memorise. Andrew had failed. His eyes kept being drawn back to Neil like a compass point pulled north. He began to memorise every detail he could in the dimming light; the exact shade of icy blue in his eyes, the mix of auburn shades that made up the long and unruly curls on his head. Andrew’s breath caught slightly in his throat as he truly investigated the bruise like bags under his eyes.

“You’re having nightmares.”

To begin with Neil didn’t realise Andrew had spoken but when he turned to see Andrew watching him expectantly, one hand flicking the lighter on and off, the words hit him. Blood rushed to his cheeks and made them burn bright enough in shame that Neil didn’t have to reply.

“Tell me about them.” was all Andrew said as he continued to play with the disposable lighter. What was Neil supposed to say? How could he explain the nightmares that plagued him both night and day and the realisation that he had come to that these weren’t just figments of his imagination but memories flooding back. More than that, he didn’t want to break the peace that had settled over him as he sat in silence with Andrew.

“Not now.” When he saw the look Andrew cast him he continues with more force, “Not today Andrew but I will. I promise.”

Neil’s word was worth very little by this point but the conviction with which he said it and maybe even the way his eyes as he did had Andrew accepting it with a single nod. The silence resumed again but now it felt awkward and forced, as if they were both straining to say something. Andrew cursed himself inwardly for having caused it and then remembered the weight of plastic in his back pocket.

“Catch.”

He threw Neil’s phone up in the air so that all Neil had to do was reach up and grasp it.Of course that was what Neil went to do but still clumsy for over a week with very little sleep his arm knocked the flip phone to the side meaning Neil had to reach forward quickly to catch it before it went over the edge.

If his injuries made any protests Neil masked the sounds well but that didn’t stop the back of his shirt hiking up and revealing a mess of purple bruising with only a few at the yellowing phase. Still purple almost two weeks after coming back from the Nest had Andrew struggling to picture the dark blacks they must have been originally. Beneath the bruises the slither of skin was toned and muscled but all Andrew could think about was how damaged Neil had been and still was and that only moments ago Andrew had been thinking-

As angry as he was at the Ravens for this all Andrew could think was how he was just like Steven, finding the weakest prey and taking their promises.

Oblivious to these thoughts, Neil turned back to Andrew grinning triumphantly as he held the mobile tightly in one hand. The grin dropped a second later as he looked at Andrew in confusion. His mouth parted again and he looked as if he was about to say something but Andrew couldn’t let him. “Go inside Neil.” Andrew forced out through gritted teeth. He could feel bile burning the back of his throat.

Again Neil looked ready to ask what was happening but this wasn’t something Andrew was about to explain.

“Now.”, he said more forcefully and as much as Neil had the strange urge to stay and try to help he did as he was told.

Quickly he crossed the roof to the door inside. It was warmer just inside out of the wind but before Neil pulled it shut and went to find Matt he looked back at the small silhouette of Andrew at the roof’s edge. The twin was back to flicking the lighter on and off and if Neil looked carefully it looked as if his hand was shaking. With one final flick of his finger, Andrew Minyard extinguished his flame and threw it off the rooftop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Any good?  
> Also how do you feel about my long chapter notes? Are they too long? Do they bore you? Should I stop with all my rambling and nonsense?


	16. I owe you guys an explanation...

Hey Guys! *pops head out from behind curtain*

I'm alive (barely) and I feel like I owe you guys the biggest explanation. Turns out during GCSES i have had no spare time ...like 0. When I'm not in an exam i'm revising and when I'm not revising I am stressing about revising or hiding in a dark dark corner away from responsibilities under the crushing weight of my failure. Also...I am the worlds biggest procrastinator and put off everything - including writing.

Flashback to a couple of months ago when I was updating this weekly and I can honestly see how happy I was. Not to sound cheesy but writing this story each week and dedicating so much time to it was incredibly important to me. Then afterwards I would get Kudos and hits and OMG the comments! Seriously every single world you wrote whether it was just a ':)' or a 'good job' or a huge paragraph from one of you (I am looking at you Chocolate_Hell_Cookies) I felt my heart grow. I saved them all to my phone and go through them whenever I am having a bad day and I don't think you can understand how much it meant to me. This story is the longest thing I have ever written and even though it may not be the best thing out there - this fandom is filled with incredible writers- it is the thing I am most proud of and I really, really don't want to stop.

Fast forward to now and I am so so close to finishing exams and with that high school! 10 more school days - 9 more exams- and it is over! I CAN'T WAIT! But over these past few weeks I have failed to write and provide updates for you guys. The last chapter was in April on my birthday and it horrifies me to think I have left it that long. My biggest worry is I am letting you guys down and I miss talking to you. Some of you probably don't mind too much and others of you could be annoyed I left the last chapter where I did and I totally understand!

Please don't think this is me saying good bye ( I know it is so morbid that is sounds that way) and in fact It is pretty much the complete opposite. I want you all to know that I have not abandoned this story, nor do I plan to. Hopefully within the next 14 days I shall have an update so if you guys are willing to wait that long then you are in luck. If you don't hear from me by then or in fact if you fancy doing every day from right now, I deserve a kick up the backside and someone to persuade me. Feel free to shout angrily at me or message me words of encouragement on tumblr (booksbreakhearts) because as I have said otherwise I procrastinate things.

Also I have about 1800 words of a chapter I didn't post from before the dreaded exams began. It is more light hearted than some of the stuff I have written so far and builds up to a scene I have in mind where the Foxes try and drag Neil to a new party. It isn't perfect and I am unsure whether it is what you want to read but If you want me to post it I can have a quick edit through and try and get it posted by the weekend. If you didn't like it or the idea after you read it then I would be happy to delete it and carry on from a different point. Seriously all I want is that interaction with you guys again!

So there you have it. This is my much longer than anticipated explanation which I am writing instead of revising (or reading Lord Of Shadows which can also be to blame for my lack of writing) as to where I have been and why I have not updated. I hope there are still some of you left and that I didn't lose you guys in my hiatus. I want to thank you all for the 281 Kudos!! I never even thought I would get 5! I also owe a thank you to the kkman851 who left Kudos about 20 minutes ago and made me convince myself to keep reading. It made me realise you guys are still out there and as long as you keep reading I will always keep writing.

Of course leave me comments letting me know what you guys want me to write: little scenes or interactions you would like or characters interactions you need. I'll even do a one shot if you have something in mind. Let me know if you want that half chapter I have already written!

In the mean time there are some great TFC fanfictions out there. If you need any recommendations just ask!

I love you all so much and can't thank you enough!

Darcy  
:D  
*mic drop*


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK PEOPLE! Omg you have no idea how good it feels to be posting an actual chapter for you guys! I finally finally finished my exams today and left High School forever so now I get a long summer which hopefully means more writing! This is mainly the 1500 words I had already written before the exams which I mentioned in my last update but I have added a bit more to it.  
> This is a little bit of a happier chapter today with lots of the other Foxes that we don't always get to see because of our lord and saviours Andreil. Don't worry though for all you psychos (me included) there will be more angst next update and maye a little visit from our problematic favourite.  
> As always your comments mean the world to me and I got so many lovely comments last time to help me through exams. It really, really helped me! Of course you know by now I always feel like my chapter may disapoint (especially after such a long weight) and I know this isn't usually the traumatic stuff I write (sorry not sorry) but I hope you still enjoy it! Please let me know if you like it and if it is something you love I will try and do more happy scenes. If you hate it well then angst galore.  
> Somehow we are nearly at 300 kudos and for me that IS INSANE! Thank you to every single one of you!  
> Please (sorry 'Drew) let me know what you do and don't like and if you have any suggestions or ideas!  
> Love you guys!

The next morning Matt was up bright and early. So early in fact that he was already dressed and preparing pancakes (a luxury that the university students rarely had time for during term) by the time Neil had washed away the lingering touches of the dream. It was strange and frankly quite unnerving to see him moving around the kitchen with so much energy and enthusiasm this early when on a typical day it wasn’t until he was had 3 coffees in his system and hug from Dan that he was able to function like a suitable member of society.  
Is it someone’s birthday? , Neil wondered nervously as he hovered just inside the doorway, Is it Matt’s?  
He’d never had much luck with birthday celebrations himself, in fact they were some of his worst memories, but still Neil felt that as his roommate he should have atleast got Matt a card. Neil had been just about to slip back into the bedroom and try to avoid the whole awkward encounter when Matt turned around and caught sight of him.  
“Neil! Good Morning!” , he exclaimed as if he was surprised to see the striker in his dorm room. “I made pancakes! The girls said they’ll pop in for some soon but it would seem you’ll get first pick.”  
Matt said all this whilst trying to stack a few of the pancakes onto one of the few plates the two of them owned and even though the pile continued to topple he grinned as if nothing could ruin his mood.  
Over the past week Neil had watched as the upperclassmen tried their hardest to act as if nothing had happened over the holidays and act as happy as possible. They tried to include Neil in their conversations and jokes when they came round some evenings but all the time it felt as if they were hesitating or forcing themselves to smile. Today however it felt like the old Matt was back. His smile felt genuine and warm and the look in his eye today was enthusiastic not wary.  
Despite this he must have still sensed Neil’s apprehension because in the next moment his eyebrows drew together in worry. “You do like pancakes right? I bought you fruit to put on them because I didn’t think you’d like chocolate but if there is something else you want there is some cereal or erm-”  
How was it that Neil had only been in the room less than 30 seconds and already he had ruined the great mood? “Pancakes are fine. Great actually! It’s just I’m not too sure what the occasion is.” He summoned his most convincing smile (not as bad as it had been on some days) and stepped closer into the room to sit at his usual stool.  
“You don’t know what day it is?” Matt looked shocked at this revelation and if he hadn’t still been smiling Neil would have worried he had hurt his feeling. Maybe it really was his birthday Neil thoughts as he accepted a stack of pancakes that Matt slid across the island.  
“Friday?”, he suggested when it was clear Matt was really waiting for a reply.  
“Neil, today is not just any Friday! It is the final Friday before lessons begin and here at PSU it marks the start of one big party. It’s basically a religious holiday!” The passion with which he delivered his explanation revealed just how seriously Matt - and the entire school apparently- took their final days of freedom. Neil couldn’t help but smirk and raise an eyebrow at his friend enjoying the ease with which he could often act around him.  
What he didn’t mention was how desperately he wanted things to go back to normal. Hopefully classes would help to tire him out and help him sleep shortening the time until he would be able to get back to practice.  
Halfway through his second pancake there was a light tap on the door but before either Neil or Matt could open it the girls let themselves in accompanied surprisingly by Nicky ,who had recently been spending a little more time with the upperclassmen. His top was incredibly rumpled and the Father Christmas across the front was almost unrecognisable.  
“Seriously Nicky?” Matt exclaimed as he pulled Dan in for a hug, “It’s January! You can’t wear them anymore.”  
The offender squeezed past where Renee and Allison were now leaning on the counter and pointedly grabbed one of the plates that Matt had prepared with pancakes. “How dare you, sir!” He stopped to yawn but when composed again carried on. “Until it strikes midnight on Sunday night it is still my Christmas holidays and i will dress accordingly. Now leave me in peace to eat my pancakes.”  
With all that said Nicky came back round to Neil’s side of the island, said his Good Morning to him with mock-annoyance still in his voice and began to tuck into his breakfast. The others followed suit quickly, layering stacks of toppings onto their pancakes and talking happily amongst one another.  
The conversation very rarely fell to Neil who answered the inquiries as to if he was still hungry or wanted another coffee as politely as he could. He let their jokes and plans merge into a comforting hum in the background whilst he scooped up the last of the fruit and set down his fork.  
“You coming Neil?”  
Neil looked up from the table and towards Dan, who had just spoken. He’d failed to keep up with the topic of conversation and sat for a moment blinking and unsure as five sets of eyes honed in on him. Dan obviously took his hesitation for reluctance as she quickly pointed out that he wouldn’t have to drink if he didn’t want to and it wasn’t too far from the dorms if he wanted to come back early.  
She definitely wasn’t talking about going to training then. “Sorry, going where?” Only a blind man could have missed the look Allison cast to Nicky that pretty accurately conveyed the message Is he for real?  
Dan must have seen it to but thankfully she carried on as if she hadn’t. “There’s a party at one of the Senior’s flats tonight. Everyone’s invited so it should be pretty fun. Obviously if you don’t want to go I’m sure Wymack wouldn’t mind you staying at his so you aren’t spending the evening alone.”She punctuated the final sentence with a smile to try and cover up that they clearly didn’t trust him to spend the time alone but it no longer hurt his feelings.  
To be completely honest Neil couldn’t think of anything worse. Loud music, drunk students and too many unknown faces had Neil thinking back to that night in Columbia. If he’d had the option he would have stayed in the room and gotten ahead on some school work. Maybe he even would have snuck out for a jog around the flat. He almost asked them if Andrew was going as he could hang out with him instead but then thought back to how last night had ended and how choosing him over the rest of the team would hurt their feelings. Refusing to let Matt volunteer stay back with him and ruin everyone’s night Neil plucked up the courage and didn’t give himself time to chicken out. “Sure, I’ll go.”  
It was as if he’d just told them he was quitting Exy to pursue a different career. Their faces dropped and nobody -namely Allison- could hide their complete and utter shock. Everyone was quiet for 5 steady heartbeats until Nicky slapped his hand on the table and announced for all to hear, “I win! Pay up!”

***

The rest of the day was typically uneventful. Neil rode with the upperclassmen to the stadium whilst Nicky returned to his room to see if the others had awoken. By the time the final members arrived only five minutes before practice was due to start Wymack was beginning to get impatient. When only Nicky, Kevin and Aaron wandered in - 5 feet missing from their usual group- a barrage of glances fell on Renee who just shrugged and got up to start warming up. Nobody seemed really surprised that Andrew had missed practice and to be honest, it was a miracle he’d shown up during the rest of the week. Still Neil couldn’t help but wonder whether his absence had anything to do with his sudden change in attitude last night. Neil wasn’t ashamed to admit he had been enjoying the silence with Andrew on the roof but he had spent the rest of the night laying in bed wondering what he’d done wrong. Of course Neil should have known better than to spend his time trying to make sense of Andrew Minyard.  
Whilst the others practiced on court Neil spent a few hours watching his favourite Exy matches whilst Abby chatted happily from her office. She lent him her laptop to order some clothes before classes started and even made a comment about how hopefully he should be in good enough shape to start some light, light exercise the next weekend. Even though it was a week away and her worry probably wouldn’t dissipate for several more the prospect of going back on court made his body hum with loose energy. More than anything he wanted to be back out playing with the Foxes.  
At 12 O’clock the entire team drove the mile back to the house piled in Matt’s car past the few students that seemed to have started their party early. Several students lounged around on benches and grass verges, huddled together in the bright yet brisk air but refusing to move back inside. A couple of the streetlights and lamposts were wrapped in orange and white bunting which should have made the team feel wanted but only acted as a grim reminder of the banners they had put up for Seth. Nobody commented on the decorations but Neil noticed Dan’s hand slide over to give Matt’s knee a reassuring squeeze when they held his attention for too long.

After that though the next few hours passed quicker than they should. For the first time since his return Neil didn’t feel the claws of fatigue dragging him down before it could reach 4pm and he wasn’t sure whether it was due to the sugar and coffee at breakfast, the extra sleep yesterday or his team’s unwavering energy.  
At around 8 Neil began the battle of searching through his measly wardrobe for something suitable for a college party. It must have taken him longer than he thought because a few moments later Allison came in and started to flick through his clothing rail. “Seriously Neil? Is this it?”, she said in lieu of a greeting. Her manicured nails -red today and somehow miraculously unmarred despite morning practice - skimmed over the few hangers quickly and without much investigation before reaching the end and returning back through. Neil didn’t bother to reply coming to the conclusion that Allison probably wouldn’t appreciate his views on the stupidity of materialism. A couple of sliding hangers later and quick looks at some of his nicer items, she handed Neil three hangers, all of which had come from Andrew it would seem. The grey and white baseball top, red checked shirt and black jeans were some of the nicest clothes Neil owned and frankly some of the nicest clothes anyone could own as with a bit of online research Neil had realised just how out of Wymack’s budget this wardrobe would have cost.  
“These should work nicely.”, Alisson added scanning Neil up and down as if she could imagine exactly how it would all look on him, “Now go and get ready, I don’t think the others will be very long.”  
Allison spoke with dominance and authority in her voice that could only come from years of being listened to but in recent months it had stopped irritating Neil so much. In fact now he looked at Allison and saw the easy confidence that he wished he could posses. This was probably the longest the two of them had spent alone in a long time, definitely significantly longer than since Seth’s death. The thought only added to Neil view of this woman; she had lost someone she loved and instead of letting it break had used it to fuel her forward. Neil couldn’t help his admiration.  
When Allison quirked a perfect eyebrow as if to say, ‘What are you looking at?’, Neil was pulled from his thoughts and he found himself muttering a quick ‘Thank You’ before disapearing into the bathroom.  
He couldn’t have been more than ten minutes in the bathroom checking his bandages, plaster and getting changed but when he finally returned the rest of the upperclassmen were gathered around for pre-drinks somehow all changed into a smart casual ensemble. Matt had changed into navy button down over his jeans and Dan, half perched on his lap despite the rest of the sofa being vacant had traded her normal clothes for a knee length burgundy dress which flowed around them. The other girls had taken to their usual beanbag chair, sitting spread out near the floor despite their new dresses. Of course Allison had opted for a red dress with a maze of straps across the front and bank which left Neil hopelessly confused just looking at it whilst Rennee looked like an angel in a pastel blue skater dress.  
When Neil came in he didn’t linger in the doorway like usual in case the others were waiting on him before they left and instead went to take a seat in the armchair that always seemed to be left for him. His enterance seemed to snag all of their attentions at once and Matt couldn’t help himself from saying “You look good, mate!”. Even Allison seemed to be smirking approvingly. A blush began to creep up the back of Neil’s neck to his hairline and subconsciously he began to toy with the hem of the open shirt. It felt strange being dressed up in clothes he and the others now knew had been bought by Andrew. They must have had some motive behind them like everyone of Andrew’s actions and as long he had no clue what it was, Neil was going to feel like a doll dressed in a ticking time bomb. 

It didn’t take long for Neil to figure out that they were waiting on Nicky to arrive who had an apparent reputation for showing up late to events claiming that he is ‘never truly late when the party doesn’t begin until he arrives’. From what Neil had pieced together since his return from The Nest it seemed that Nicky had beem spending more and more of his free time with the upperclassmen than with the Monsters. He had heard Allison and Dan murmuring together about it one evening as they tried to speculate on one could have happened within the Monsters’ group. The main theory seemed to be that Andrew had been causing more trouble since his return from Easthaven and with Aaron apparently hanging out more and more with this other girl, Nicky had been taking the brunt of it. The only thing they knew for sure was that they were surprisingly thankful to have this strict separation begin to blur together. 

By 9pm the Upperclassmen had finished what they had allocated for pre-drinks and Matt was just about to call Nicky when the door of the room swung open and the culprit came bounding in. For Nicky, his outfit was pretty modest; a white short sleeved top with red around the neck and a pride flag on the pocket was tucked into a pair of skinny jeans and then buckled with a red, shiny belt. It was nothing that appeared to have taken several hours to design and so offered no explanation to his late arrival. It didn’t take long for the reason to take surface.  
“Hey guys! Sorry I’m so late but I located a stray along the way and he wanted to join the fun. I hope it’s okay.” As per usual Nicky spoke several times faster than a normal person but he seemed out of breathe as if talking out of nervousness.  
He had everyone’s attention now but when Aaron Minyard walked in all eyes shifted to him. Aaron was clearly uncomfortable to have everyone staring at him, especially as the confusion rose to the upperclassmen’s faces as if they couldn’t make sense of why Aaron would want to hang out with them. Despite his usual nonchalance around the others it was clearly getting to him as he fisted his hands in his jean pockets and shifted ever so slightly from one foot to the other. Naturally Dan noticed this and before the situation could escalate - namely with Allison saying something- she pushed herself out of Matt’s hold and said, “Of course it’s fine! The more the merrier, although we probably should be leaving if we want to be there for the good songs.”  
The relief in Aaron and Nicky’s eyes were evident despite the former doing his best repress it. Nobody else on the team was going to argue with Dan, especially not on this seemingly sacred day. One by one they all filed out into the hallway, Matt hanging back to wait for Neil, and then went off to begin their final weekend of freedom.

***

On orders from Dan they were all going to walk to the party as everyone (except Neil who she didn’t think it was fair to rely on as a designated driver) were intent on drinking and under no circumstances was anyone allowed to get behind the wheel of a car drunk. As it was the end of January the night was already pitch black and behind the curtain of light pollution a few stars twinkled in broken patterns. It was brisk and cool but soothing on Neil’s skin and with the background hum of bass music growing louder as they navigated the campus and the tap, tap of Allison and Dan’s heels, he almost felt calm.  
Only a short walk away they reached the source of the music: A senior block lit up through all the windows and the conversations of students socialising mingling with the music. Whilst the rest of the team made their way up the steps to the door Matt hung back to wait with Neil who was struggling to take it all in. “Buckle up buddy, welcome to your first college party!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Good? Bad? Ugly? How did you feel about Nicky in this chapter? Or Allison? I for some reason like the beginning part quite a lot. It is a weird scene I have had buzzing around for a while about what would happen when they all (-2) have breakfast together. Do you want more happy or less happy?? Or....anything?
> 
> Don't worry next chapter should include parties, angst, drunk Foxes and a visit from a fav!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil goes out to have a good time and honestly feel so attacked right now.  
> The Foxes drag Neil to a party and as you can probably guess it doesn't end well. Basically just one mess after another with drunk Nicky, MattXDan and my problematic fav.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Guess who is back after missing a week of updating? THIS GIRL! But I have an excuse! Last week was my school prom and I have also recently started working in a hotel because I need serious money for my plans to take over the world.  
> Also, I was feeling like my last chapter wasn't the best and that I wasn't writing things you wanted or that since I had taken a break for exams my writing now wasn't very good (not that i felt it was all that good before).  
> Anyway this chapter is an angst fest that goes from meh to heart breaking for our poor Neil by the end. So for all you psychos out there *cough* me *cough* I hope you like it.  
> As always please leave me a comment! It is amazing to hear from you guys because I know that several of you consistantly read and make me happy but because you already left Kudos I don't get to see your names and check you out, thank you or hear your comments.  
> Let me know what you hate? Love? Like? Want? I am a comments whore as always.  
> Enjoy this hefty ass chapter and check the end for some more questions(oh and a rec).  
> Love you guys!

It took exactly 46 seconds from the moment Neil walked through the door for him to realise he had made a terrible mistake in coming.

The pounding music and voices competing against each other knocked into him like a tidal wave, stealing his breath and leaving him dazed and disorientated. _Why the hell did I agree to this?_ ,Neil asked himself as he tried to steady his wobbling legs. He had never enjoyed big groups of people, had never been invited or had the opportunity to go to a party. Not that he would have gone if he had. Parties were too loud and too busy and usually too full of drunk people with loose lips and loose morals. Probably the closest Neil had ever gotten to a party was going to Eden’s with the Monsters, the memories of losing control of his body enough to convince him to never let that happen again.

A quick survey of the room proved that none of the other Foxes felt the same apprehension as the girls had already navigated their way to where a large group of students were dancing to something with a heavy bass whilst Nicky was leaning against the kitchen island, scanning an impressive selection of bottles for the perfect drink.

The area itself was significantly better for hosting a party than any where in Fox Tower or the typical student dorms. The bottom floor of the house was all open plan comprising of a huge entry way, living room,kitchen and games room. Most of the larger furniture such as the tables had been pushed against the walls to create a space for dancing or talking and somebody had strung up a set of flashing disco lights which seemed to change and flare in beat to the music. Dan had explained on the way over that these apartments were typically reserved for sororities or large groups who had enough money to avoid the smaller dorms in Fox Tower. If he was right in what he heard this particular house was rented by the Football team who Matt was pretty friendly with.

Now would be the perfect time for Neil to leave; he could slip out before the others tried to introduce him to anyone or pour him a drink. Quickly Neil turned back toward the door, pivoting on one foot and-

His shoe came down directly on a foot just infront of propelling the girl it belonged to right into Neil. She shouted out -whether from the fear of falling or the shock of the injury- and on instinct Neil’s arms came out to hold her up.

“Watch what you’re doing!” she proclaimed, pulling back from his grasp when she was sure she wasn’t going to fall over. Neil wasn’t too sure what to do. Whether he should retort back or apologise or just walk away. Truthfully he just wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible so he let his arms fall back to his sides, said a quick ‘Sorry’ and went to leave. He only managed one step before he was stopped again “Wait” , he heard from behind him a looked over his shoulder to see the same girl tucking a strand of black hair behind her ear and looking at Neil with what could have been the beginnings of a smile, “aren’t you on the Exy team?”

All of the anger from only a second earlier had disappeared from her voice and she spoke softly as if talking to a friend. The sudden change in tone threw Neil and it took him longer than it should have for him to reply. “Erm, yeah. I’m one of the strikers.” His voice came out strained and sounded foreign to his own ears but the girl either didn’t notice his hesitance or chose to ignore as she rattled on, now with an even bigger smile on her face. “I thought I recognised you from the matches and the TV. You’re really good right? I’m Chloe, one of the cheerleaders for the football but I’m also part of the Vixens starting this term.”

She kept rambling on asking questions too quickly for Neil to answer but failing to notice how she was the only one talking. The music seemed to be getting louder and the crush of people around them was pressing in. It would only be a few minutes before the music became unbearable and Neil found himself looking for any opportunity to end the interaction. Just as he was about to give in and walk away from Chloe, ending it once and for all, a tall figure appeared beside him and swung an arm around his shoulders. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you,” Matt looked charming as ever, smiling a big grin but there was something in his eyes and the way he stared directly at Neil that felt off, “There is something I _really_ need to show you.”

Without another glance at Chloe, whose speech had come to an abrupt halt and who was now staring dumbfoundedly at Matt, the backliner used his grip on Neil’s shoulder to steer them towards the makeshift bar.

Neither of them spoke as they weaved their way through the crowds of students to the bar but Matt kept the heavy weight of his arm across Neil’s shoulders to stop them from being pulled apart. Usually Neil hated contact like this, especially since coming back from The Nest, but in a room full of so many unfamiliar people this constant was reassuring and helped to push down some of the panic that had been rising.

“What did you need to show me?” Neil asked when they reached the bar and Matt still hadn’t said anything. He couldn’t see anything too crazy going on and a quick glance proved all of the Foxes were still accounted for. Surely if something had gone wrong Matt would have taken him straight to the issue or at least given him a warning. Instead Matt was leaning over a counter, using his height to reach a can of coke which he cracked open and handed to Neil. “Oh nothing! You just looked like you were zoning out while that cheerleader was talking to you. I thought I’d come and rescue you before you fell asleep.”

He opened a beer against the counter top as he spoke, seemingly unphased by the conversation he had just had, as if he saved people from awkward encounters every day. Neil wasn’t too sure how to respond to that revelation; whether he should say thank you or apologise for taking time away from the party so instead he just decided to summon a smile and nurse his drink against his chest. They were quiet for an instant but this time the silence (what passed for it at the party anyway) wasn’t uncomfortable and both were content to sip their drinks and watch others dance around.

“That girl seemed nice.Cute too.”, Matt said eventually. He had finished his beer and had taken to spinning the bottle on the counter top beside Neil. The words threw him for a moment. He hadn’t thought the girl particularly nice, more annoying than anything and too full of energy towards someone she hardly knew. Anyone who could be that open with someone they had met barely a minute earlier was someone Neil didn’t trust.

He also hadn’t thought her particularly attractive. Sure she wasn’t bad looking but Neil didn’t really know or care about that sort of thing so he just shrugged his shoulders and went back to his drink.

“Yeah I suppose she wouldn’t really be your type. I could introduce to some of the student athletes if you wanted, you know so you have friends outside of the Foxes.”

Neil felt his whole world narrow down to those last few words. _Outside of the Foxes._ Matt didn’t say the words with malice or cruelty but they stung and forced themselves into his head. Was this the team’s way of trying to reduce the time they spent with him? Now that he wasn’t playing he wasn’t any use to them and his withdrawal from the group was just proving how much they didn’t need him. Neil tried to tell himself that this wasn’t the case; that Matt just wanted him to have someone else to hang out with if he wanted but the worry he had been forcing away over the past few weeks was seeping through the cracks.

He was a striker who couldn’t play. He could easily be replaced.

“I don’t want anyone outside of the Foxes.” Neil intended for the words to come out strong and confident, a stand to prove he didn’t need anyone else, but instead the words came out slowly and jumbled, a quiet mess that made him sound like a child about to cry.

There was no way Matt could miss the waver in Neil’s voice and the upperclassman did a double take when he saw Neil crushing the can in his hand and staring a hole into the tiles at his feet. “Shit Neil that came out really wrong. Don’t ever think any of us our pushing you away. We’re a team! You’re our striker, our _friend_. We’re not letting you go.”

He was staring right at Neil now, the power behind his words forcing Neil to look back. A lump was forming in the back of his throat and he struggled to swallow around it. He could help but play Matt’s words over and over again.

_We’re not letting you go._

_We’re not letting you go._

Two unspoken words hung in the air each time he repeated it. _We’re not letting you go. Not again._

***

For anyone unfamiliar with Matt and Dan’s relationship a single glance at the way Matt stared across the room would have revealed everything. Over the last hour -maybe two-  (time seemed to be blurring together for Neil) Dan had danced and swung and swayed her hips to the beat of every song, seemingly only stopping to rest when one of the girls brought her another drink. The crowd of dancers had trebled on the dance floor until it was near impossible for Neil to see through the mess of students to where his other team mates danced. Only the occasional blur of red or a flash of pastel hair offered Neil the slightest indication of where to focus his attention. Matt on the other hand had kept his eyes fixed on to where Dan must be dancing, as if not a single person had enough force or power to diverge his attention.  He was a comet stuck in orbit around a burning star and he couldn’t seem happier about it.

Neil couldn’t help but think back to walking into the kitchen only hours earlier to see Matt so happy and excited for the weekend ahead only to now be spending his first party guarding Neil from the sidelines.Of course Matt showed no resentment or upset about his situation but still it began to wear away at Neil’s conscience.

“You should go and dance with her.” Neil stated openly when Matt began to sway his body in time to the music, smiling over at his girlfriend. It was the first time either of them had spoken for a while and the interruption was enough to peel away Matt’s attention, if only for a minute. The three beers he had managed to throw back whilst standing at the bar combined with the drinks from earlier on had led to a creeping blush spreading up his cheeks and a loose grin springing up on his face.

“Oh, er, it’s fine Neil” ,Matt replied disjointedly, “I like hanging with you.” Even as he spoke, attempting to put all of his honesty and truth behind it, his eyes kept finding their way back to Dan. Since coming back from the Nest the Foxes had avoided every opportunity to leave Neil on his own; taking him to the stadium when the practiced, offering him lifts whenever they went out and spending their evenings talking and drinking with Neil at their side. It was clear they were scared to leave him alone and even here when they would still effectively be in the same room, Matt wanted to wait at him side.

A couple of metres away, talking with a group of second years and holding a drink in each hand, Nicky was clearly enjoying himself. “Don’t worry about me, I can hang with Nicky whilst you go enjoy yourself with Dan. You know she wants you to.”

At this suggestion Matt’s gaze shifted to Nicky just as he tipped one of the bottles to drink from and looked incredibly distraught when he discovered it was empty. Matt quirked an eyebrow as if to say _Are you sure?_ But at Neil’s encouraging nod he set his bottle on the counter and gave his shoulder the quickest of squeezes. “God Neil you really are the best! I’ll get Nicky and then go to dance. Shout if you need anything!”

In an instant Matt had joined the crowd and the space beside Neil was empty. Truthfully, whilst wanting Matt to have fun, Neil had also been looking for any excuse to leave. After a lot of focus and a lifetime of practice he had managed to dull the painful blaring of the music to a dull, uncomfortable drone in the background. His earlier panic had subsided mostly but even then he really just wanted to go home.

Before he had the chance however he caught sight of Nicky and Matt talking- the former looking surprisingly earnest and nodding at whatever Matt was saying. Seconds later Nicky left the other students and came bounding over to where Neil stood, his steps lighter, if not more clumsy, from how much he had drank.

“Neilll!” Nicky said in lieu of greeting. He spoke in a way that made it sound like he was singing a song: changing his pitch and speaking smoothly. Neil could smell the alcohol drifting off of his clothes and he had to repress the same anxiety he had felt around Nicky at Columbia as well as all the other negative experiences he had had with drunks in the past. “How are you doing? Good? You look really sad stood back here. You should dance! _I really_ want to dance!”

In the months Neil had known Nicky he had become accustomed to his fast paced, energetic way  of speaking but with god knows how much alcohol pumped into his veins this was increasing by 200%. He asked questions quicker than could be answered and shifted topics as if racing to cover them all. For once Neil didn’t mind. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk and anything he did contribute would likely be forgotten by morning so instead Neil just nodded at appropriate points. “Why don’t you go dance then?”  If he could just get Nicky to dance he could sneak out the back an-

“Oh believe me I _wish_ i could but Matt said I was on Neil Duty and I wasn’t allowed to let you out of my sights because you would probably start a fight with someone or disappear.”

Neil waiting for the sting to his pride; Waited for a feeling of shame or embarrassment at being supervised constantly; maybe to feel the anxiety of having someone monitor him or keeping him trapped.

But nothing. Nothing more than a bead of inconvenience that he couldn’t just set off walking home. The Foxes were doing none of this out of malice, their worry at what would happen should he be left alone understandable considering his track record.

“ _Please_ come dance with me Neil! Pretty please!” he sounded like a child trying to convince his parents to buy him an ice cream.

“No thanks, Nicky.”

It wasn’t a hard decision with the memories of Columbia all too clear in such a similar atmosphere. He remembered Nicky’s lips on his, the taste of alcohol and dust, the loss of power and had to fight off a shudder. Some days, even before The Nest, when he had somehow spent hours free from dark thoughts he would experience glimmers of a past event. Nicky had apologised countlessly since that first time, trying so hard to make it up to Neil and hating how stupid he could have been. Right now when Nicky was drunk and wanting to dance Neil should have felt that fear, should have told him to keep his distance but instead he couldn’t help but smile at the pleading puppy look on Nicky’s face.

“Neil Please! I promise on my life, wait no, _Erik’s_ _life_ that I won’t cross any lines or let anybody else do the same. We can stay near the other Foxes and forget about everyone else and you can have a good time.”  The carefree tone that Nicky was known for had been replaced halfway through by a sincere and eerily serious tone. His eyes still looked glassy, his body swaying slightly as if he was walking on a tightrope but for some reason Neil was inclined to believe him.

Not a single part of him could see the entertainment or appeal of dancing but just like with Matt before, Neil found himself not wanting to be the anchor pulling everyone away from having a good time. He let out what could have been a defeated sigh and cursed himself for agreeing to this before starting, “I swear to God I will gut you if you so much as-”

But he didn’t get to finish before Nicky was grinning and clapping like a crazy person. “I promise I do! Neil you are the best! I shall defend you with my honour!” To prove this he clasped his arm against his heart in a mock attempt at honouring his words.

Before Neil could change his mind they were moving through the crowd.

***

True to his word, Nicky cut at path through the dance floor to where the other Foxes were dancing together - even Aaron who was pressed horrifyingly close to a girl Neil had seen him with before (Kathy or Katelyn he thought her name was). When a freshman bumped into Neil and almost knocked a drink over him the scowl he received from the backliner could have given the Minyards a run for their money. 

His teammates knew better than to make a big deal of Neil’s surprise appearance so each made the silent decision to give him an encouraging smile before going back to the music. Despite this it was impossible to miss the glance that passed between Matt and Dan as if to say,  _ He is going to be okay.  _ Even Allison sent an approving glance to Nicky that suggested he might have been about to win some sort of jackpot. 

In the time it had taken Neil and Nicky to arrive Matt had taken his spot dancing with Dan: several shirt buttons undone, sleeves pulled up to his elbows and hands slung low on Dan’s hips. If at all possible Matt seemed happier than Neil had seen him in a long long time. The team’s energy was infectious and Neil began to think that maybe, this once, he would be able to enjoy himself.

 

***

It came as no surprise to anyone that Neil could not dance at all. It also came as no surprise that he didn’t even try to, preferring to stand awkwardly nearby and watch the scene unfold. Nobody commented on how he stationed himself silently , keeping his mind under control by cataloguing every person and every action around him. Every few minutes Nicky would lean over to ask if Neil was ‘okay’ to which he would receive the typical “I’m fine.” reply before feeling content enough to going back to his dancing.

Honestly, Neil felt out of place as the only still figure in a sea of flailing limbs and for the millionth time that night regretted agreeing to come. 

Amongst the press of bodies the room seemed to be getting hotter and hotter and over in this area Neil was much closer to the source of the loud music. His eardrums felt fit to bleed and in the flashing of lights his eyes began to strain.

_ It’s okay though _ , Neil kept telling himself. He was near the Foxes. He could leave anytime he wanted or needed to.  _ Anytime.  _ He wasn’t trapped. He wasn’t-

**_Smash!_ **

Somewhere nearby the sound of glass breaking silenced all talking for a single minute and also succeeded in stealing all of the air from Neil’s lungs.

_ That sound _ . 

Too similar to memories of breaking out of locked rooms, the only way out a second floor window. “ _ Jump, Nathaniel! What are you playing at? Go!”  _

But No, he was Neil. He was in Palmetto.

_ It’s probably just a bottle. Someone dropped something. It’s okay. _

He kept repeating this to himself as he struggled to regain his breath.  _ It’s okay. _

But the breaking of glass had forced one half of the crowd to retreat back in shock. They all pressed together as the conversations resumed only this time much closer before, strangers surrounding him on all sides. 

Heat was creeping up all over Neil’s body and he felt the world around him begin to rebel. Oxygen still escaped him, finding new ways to fight against each stuttering breath and in response nausea began to rise. At the edges of his vision darkness was sweeping in and the room around him doubled and blurred.

If he could just get to the door it would be fine. _ He could go and breath. It would be colder. It would be okay again. _

Neil turned to where the spaces had been only moments ago to now find them closed and occupied by faceless strangers. Where was Nicky? Matt? Any of the Foxes? They could help him, they could- 

Memories of Eden’s came flooding down.Roaming hands and careless touches. Skin pressing against him. Lips on his. Nicky forcing him drugs that would take control, his limbs going numb at his sides.

But then Nicky’s hair was darker and there was a 1 on his face and a hand was gripping his throat demanding he answer the question of ‘ _ Who is your Master Nathaniel?’.  _

His scars and cuts flared beneath his skin in reminder of the abuse and searching hands in The Nest. He could hear the rip of cloth in his ears. The cruel caress of hands against ageless scars and wounds.

‘ _ Don’t be afraid to cry.’ _

Neil was going to be sick.

A hand was running along his torso in careless, teasing touch. ‘ _ S-stop.’, _ he tried but he couldn’t tell if he had said the words aloud. The hand was still there,skimming his abdomen.  _ Could they feel the scars beneath? _ he wondered, before forcing his arms out to fight back.

He was shocked when his hands met a solid shape instead of shadows and a strangled cry, distinctively female arose. Somehow Neil managed to prise his eyes open and blink away some of the darkness.

_ Chloe.  _ The girl from earlier was clutching her chest with one arm and scowling back at Neil with a look of complete abject horror: Neil’s arms still elevated between them.

“What the  _ fuck _ do you think you are doing to him?”, he heard in an aggressive and serious tone behind him.  _ Nicky _ .

Before the backliner could reach them though Neil was moving.

He had to get away, shouldering significantly taller sophomores out of his way, much to their clear distaste. 

Was he breathing? He couldn’t tell. The darkness was back across his vision and he could feel his skin burning painfully. 

Was he about to faint?. His feet were stumbling and anyone paying him less than a passing glance would have taken him for a drunken athlete.

He just needed to get to the door, get out of the crowd before he lost control. Years of integrated fight or flight instincts were taking hold and right now the only thing he had to do was get away from those that would want to hurt him.

The crowd broke away and he knew he couldn’t be more than 15 steps away from the door. Neil picked up the pace. 

14 steps

13 steps

12 steps

11-

His body collided with something solid and then Neil was falling back. 

 

Reflexively Neil braced himself for impact, hands going out seconds too slow. Time seemed to halt as an arm wrapped in a black band came out to grip the back of his neck and stopped his dive only a millisecond before he would have hit the ground. In his disoriented state the recognition of the bands didn’t match to a face until the hand was pulling back upright and forcing his head up.

Blond hair and burning hazel eyes.

“‘Drew.” ,he forced out with the last of the air in his lungs just as Minyard hissed ‘Breathe you fucking junkie.”

 

But then they were moving. One moment they were inside the flat the next Andrew was pulling him across the gravel outside. Andrew’s grip was like a vice around the base of Neil’s neck but it served as a beacon to pull him back from the dark. Beneath him his feet still weren’t cooperating and his lungs seemed to be failing. He wanted to sleep so badly, to stop for a minute and rest but Andrew wasn’t relenting as he dragged him, head forced down, seemingly hissing again and again for Neil to ‘ _ Take a breath’. _

 

Suddenly his body was leaning against something cool and the clasp on his neck was gone. The anchor doing its best to hold him together had vanished and Neil forced his eyes open in a protest to see where Andrew was. 

“Wait a fucking minute, Josten.”

The twin was acting in quick, swift movements to unlock and open the door to his car before fumbling to get Neil positioned into the raised seat.

Neil was by no means heavy, lighter now than was probably healthy, and Andrew was by no means weak but with frequent attempts to gasp for air and his body all but shutting down, Neil was a dead weight.

A voice in the back of his head was urging Neil to push back against the arms positioning his body to face out of the door but something stronger was whispering for him to help.

It couldn’t have taken more than a minute for Andrew to get him seated and even then Neil was still deep in the midst of a brutal panic attack. “Drew” ,he pleaded, “ _ help m _ e.”

 

His mother would have beaten him for the words but she was dead and right now the only person he could trust was standing in front of him. “What the hell do you think i am doing Abram?”

 

That name,  _ Abram _ , was enough to pull Neil’s head above the water long enough to steal a gasp of air. Neil shifted his head from where it lay against the headrest and despite the way it split his vision stared straight at Andrew. 

“Yes or No?” 

Andrew was gripping a handful of the unbuttoned plaid shirt and gave it a tug for good measure to ensure he had Neil’s attention. When he just stared back blankly Andrew asked the same question only this time with more force behind it.

“Y-yes?” Neil stammered even as his brain struggled to understand what it was he was agreeing to. As soon as the words were out of his mouth Andrew was tugging off the sweat dampened outer shirt and flinging it in a ball onto the back seat. Next his pale hands landed at the collar of Neil’s baseball tee which was clinging to his skin uncomfortably. It wouldn’t take much looking to locate all of the scars, bruises and bandages wrapped beneath but even then Neil still needed that extra layer, something to act as a barrier between the truth and what people saw; especially now when he didn’t need a visual reminder of everything playing in his head. So, when Andrew asked the same question as before Neil had to shake his head , which was accepted instantly. His hands fell to Neil’s shoulders which he gripped lightly.

“Now breathe Abram.”

To demonstrate the twin took his own exaggerated breath as Neil stared back. In response Neil tried his best to copy but the air got stuck in his throat and he felt himself about to retch.

“Christ! Copy me. Breathe when I do.”  Realising that the striker was just staring back Andrew gave his shoulders a sharp squeeze and repeated again “ _ Breathe!” _

 

So he did. As Andrew inhaled so did Neil; as he exhaled Neil did the same. Their chests tried to find the same beat and after a few attempts they rose and fell in synchronisation. Without the added heat of the shirt the cool night air was able to creep around and brush against Neil’s exposed skin, wiping away some of the anxiety that clung to each drop of sweat.

He was so tired and as he breathed his head began to lean forward until his forehead and damp fringe brushed against the steady rise and fall of Andrew’s chest. The twin didn’t so much as flinch away as he continued to hold up Neil’s shoulders and keep his breathing steady. Instead it was the striker who pulled back, doing his best to respect the barbed wire walls that Andrew set in place. With as much energy as he could summon Neil shrugged out of the hold and lifted his legs back into the car so that Andrew would be able shut the door. His body still felt hot and raw, quivering with the aftershocks of the assault but when Andrew pushed the car door shut he was able to keep his breathing relatively even to fight off the fear of being locked away.

 

The driver side door swung open hard enough to rattle car but was slamming shut before Neil had chance to look up from his shaking hands. Andrew had lit a cigarette which hung loosely from the corner of his mouth as he turned the keys to start the ignition.

Twisting his whole body to face Neil, he removed the cigarette from his mouth only long enough to say, “Sit still and if you even think about throwing up in my car I will leave you on the roadside.” before putting it back and pulling away from the curb.

 

They left the lights and the blaring of the party behind and by the time they had reached the main road, Neil had closed his eyes.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo how was it? Give me any tips or things you thought, even if it is to suggest I change a word or add something.  
> Also it is getting to the point now where I only have about 4 (maybe 5) chapters left with a rough outline of where to take this story. I NEED you guys to help me out. ANY idea whatsoever will save my life because I am not ready to stop writing these characters. Chuck any ideas in the comments,message me on tumblr (Booksbreakhearts) or add me on twitter (DarcyBeckett1). Don't be afraid to message! You will be doing me a favour and also probably cause me to squeal out of happiness.  
> Secondly, I have an idea for a pretty wholesome adorable Neil and Foxes oneshot that i was wondering if you would be interested in reading. I could wait till after NAPD finishes or if you wanted write it sooner! Let me know!  
> Finally if you haven't yet (many of you likely have) go watch the anime HAIKYU! It reminds me soooo much of TFC but in a happier and more loving way!  
> Anyway, enjoy your day and lives and pleaseee leave a comment!  
> Live long and prosper!  
> *mic drop*


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My long promised Andrew POV chapter. 2500 words from the viewpoint of our precious small. (You may want to read Chapter Notes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *climbs out of grave I was sleeping in*  
> I'M ALIVE!! And I have an update! Win Win (maybe)!   
> Okay I will try and explain what happened as quick as I can. Basically I came to write this chapter about 2 (maybe a little longer - time is but a concept) and discovered that my laptop had died. Gone. Dead. Battery gone. Bed empty. No note. I could have died too.  
> I also then discovered I cannot write for a long time on my phone. I get super distracted and don't like the keyboard (expect a LOT of punctuation and spelling errors) after a while and so I delayed updating.   
> Lea however (Andrw_Jstn on here... go read her fics, that is an order!) gave me a virtual kick up the ass and no I have a new update. I owe her a major thank you because otherwise I would never have updated...EVER. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit of a weird one. It does very little to move the actual plot forward and was originally intended just to be around 500 word at the start of the new chapter. As you can see it kind of spiralled out of control until this was born.   
> It is basically from the last bit of Ch15 (Andreil on the roof, Andrew tells Neil to leave) to the end of the last chapter (Neil panics at party and Drew arrives) from andrew's view. It lets you guys know where he was when he disapeared during the day and practice, why he told Neil to leave and why he was randomly at the party when Neil needed him most. It isn't my best work (not much of a statement because I am surrounded by my own failures) and I feel it may rather OOC for pretty much ALL of it. I need your opinions because whilst these are the thoughts I think this NAPD Andrew would have, i need your opinions on how I worded it, described, paced, ANYTHING.!! It helps so much and if you drop me a comment I will fix it as best I can (good ol' Ctrl+Alt+Dlt).  
> Don't worry, if my Drew isn't up your street Neil will be back in business next chapter.   
> Let me know your thoughts and feelings either in the comment or on tumblr (@booksbreakhearts) and again I am sorry for the delay.   
> Just a quick thank you to all the new readers(if you stuck around...I would have gone) because since my last update the hits and kudos have grown again! Love you all! Jokes...so much hatred 

Neil Josten was an idiot.  
A want to be martyr, a runaway, a junkie, a patchwork of scar and memories but above all else he was a pipe dream. Every word out of his mouth was a contradiction. Nothing he did made sense. This boy should be entirely selfish, driven by hatred and revenge not standing out in the open and screaming for his abusers to challenge him to a fight. He had told Andrew he wanted to live but right now he seemed to be doing everything within his power to self destruct.  
Nearly 24 hours since he had noticed them and Andrew was still reeling from the sight of the bruises across Neil’s back. The marks varied in shades of red and purple, with some yellow sprinkled in and mixed around like a childish attempt at combining paint. The glimpse of them alone should not have been enough to tense his muscles and bring bile rising up to burn the back of his throat. 

Throughout his life Andrew had seen worse- inflicted worse- not only to others but on himself as well. Whilst each of persib carried their scars in their own way, whether hidden under cover or worn on proud display, they were always there. Every one of Neil’s twisted stories from his past had built up the image of childhood plagued with beatings and lessons carved into skin. These bruises were mere scratches on the shattered framework of a boy that meant nothing.  
So why could Andrew not forget about the slither of skin that had crept out from under the striker’s shirt? Why could his mind not run back to that place where there was a subconscious catalogue of each fragment that when combined formed the lie that was Neil Josten: The slight tug on the right side of his lip when he found something stupid amusing, the way his eyebrows would furrow in confusion at a reference made by one of the Foxes and then consequently draw those icy eyes together as he tried to figure them out, the flecks of scars that dusted his hand and the way he would grip a cigarette and watch as it slowly burnt down to the filter, never taking a drag but protecting the end from attacks by the wind. 

Why could Andrew not focus on these features that twisted a knife in his chest whenever Neil would silently creep onto the roof and cross his legs to mirror Andrew’s? When would these feelings of disgust for looking over and thinking about how badly he wanted to push Neil back onto the roof and kiss him until neither of them remembered that this was all a lie, stop feeling like a crime on his behalf? He wanted him to forget the violence of The Nest, forget the threads that pieced together Neil Josten and forget whatever significance the name ‘Abram’ had ever held.  
It felt like never. He hated how a voice that sounded so much like Drake was able to spit at him that he was taking advantage of Neil; That Neil was in no position to fight back, eyes black and limbs clumsy from fatigue. He tried to reason that he would have asked ‘Yes or No?’ but still the voice rebelled as it had been doing for the hours since Andrew had climbed back onto the roof to try and escape his ghosts. 

Last night, after sending Neil away, Andrew had felt so angry that he couldn’t help himself when the urge to throw the lighter from the roof had seized him. He needed to rid himself of every reminder of what had just happened and too much uncomfortable energy was taking control. Eventually he had crept down from the roof when the thick rain had begun early on but only stepped into his room long enough to grab his keys and a jacket before getting into his car.

Driving burnt the hours away but did little for the feelings he was trying to outrun or the revelations he was trying to find. When eventually it neared 7am and he found himself turning back towards the Tower with still no control over his thoughts Andrew had his phone out ready to dial Bee. Since coming off his medication the idea of losing control had shadowed Andrew at every moment. The new clarity allowed his own emotions -and god how strange it felt to know they were entirely his own- to rise up with more force than in years and now he was so aware of how easy it would be to lose control.  
But no, he knew that this was something he wanted to figure out himself. Bee felt more than just a therapist to Andrew and he had the overwhelming urge to put her advice into practice and try to figure out whatever this was on his own. Instead of calling he just text her a request he had been running through his head and shut his phone off before navigating his way back up to the roof, taking more care than usual to avoid any Foxes who might be waking up for practice.  
And that was how Andrew came to be sat in the exact position as the night before. If it weren’t for the coat and the new lighter and full packet of cigarettes it would be easy to mistake him as never having moved. The same thoughts still rattled inside of him and the same cold breeze of winter brushed against his hair and tangled the ends that seemed to be growing too long.  
He spent the day up there, daring to sleep sporadically, a few meters back from the roof when the desire to close his eyes grew too much and he felt no desire to join the undead like another member of the team.  
However even then dreams of auburn hair and knife sharp eyes were tainted under a haze of black and blue.

***  
A significant amount of the day passed as Andrew slept and thought about how greatly he seemed to have underestimated the problems Neil was going to cause. 

It was close to 10pm when Andrew eventually peeled himself off of the roof and dragged himself back to the dorms. Small bits of gravel clung to his jacket and jeans but a quick brush of his hands left them scattered among the cigarette stubs and rain drops.  
His stomach was rumbling loudly and he wanted nothing more than to eat something Kevin wouldn’t approve of and read until he felt like he was somewhere else.

For once the corridor was silent as he made his way back inside and into his room. The main lights were all off and lit only by the glare of a muted exy game and a small lava lamp Nicky had insisted upon, was just  
Kevin. The fact that Aaron was absent was one that had become unsurprising recently as Andrew was not as clueless as everyone seemed to believe about that cheerleader Katelyn. The idea of Aaron breaking their promise had burned when Andrew first realised but since then it had simmered and matured into background noise that could be sharpened when it was finally needed. Nicky had been spending more and more time with the Upperclassmen too and whilst this evoked less feeling, the silence in the corridor raised some questions. Neil tended to split his time between the groups as equally as he could drifting from room to room unannounced whenever he could. If he wasn’t here then he was in one of the other two rooms, an unofficial law in place that the idiot shouldn’t be alone.  
Andrew didn’t speak as he pulled a tub of ice cream out of the freezer and sat down in his beanbag where he had left his book. He saw Kevin look up from the textbook in his lap and wrinkle his nose, probably more in a judgemental look at the unhealthiness of Andrew’s snack than in a question of Why ice cream in January?

The silence between them was far from awkward. At some point in the past year they had realised that unless something had to be said the two of them got on much better when neither of them said a word. Still, Kevin felt the need to open his mouth as he continued to read, “They went with the rest of the team to a sophomore party on campus.”  
Ah, so that explained the quiet.  
Every year the sophomores hosted a party with loud music and strong drinks to celebrate the last weekend of freedom before classes began again. This may have explained where everyone else was but instead of answering all of Andrew’s unspoken questions it only managed to create more.  
“Hmmm?” Andrew pretended to have not been listening and slowly drew his eyes up from the book he had picked up from his seat.  
Kevin furrowed his eyebrows. “I said Nic-”  
Suddenly Andrew felt himself getting impatient, not able to sit through the seconds it would take Kevin to speak and couldn’t believe he was about to ask such an obvious question. “And Neil?”.

He tried to sound like he didn't care. Of course he didn’t care - he had spent the day proving this single fact to himself- but an uncomfortable itch had manifested at the back of his neck.  
Surely Neil wouldn’t be that stupid.  
The closest Neil would ever have got to something like the sophomore party would have been Eden’s last year and even without The Dust it was easy to see how uncomfortable it made him. Too many bodies too close together, pressing against every ounce of your skin. Overpowering music attacking every sense so that it soon becomes impossible to think, which for someone like Neil would disable him of an important weapon. Drunks and addicts and wandering hands. He wouldn’t have been naive enough to do that, Andrew told himself.

“Neil?”, Kevin sounded surprised that Andrew would have asked something like that, “He went with them.”  
Kevin’s tone was so matter of fact that it was clear he hadn’t seen a problem in this arrangement and really there shouldn’t be one. It wasn’t as if Neil was alone; He was with the Upperclassmen who weren’t likely to put him in the way of harm. Neil had made the decision to go on his own but as recent months,as well as most of his life, had shown, he wasn’t the wisest when it came to self care.  
Andrew shouldn’t give a damn but every reason why this was a terrible decision surfaced at the front of his mind: Neil flinching away when a group of students walked to close on the campus, his clear anxiety around unfamiliar people, the way Neil cringed if music played in the rooms too loud or the TV flooded his hearing. Everything combined proved how obviously Neil shouldn’t be there especially with a group of people who had failed to notice these warning bells. Andrew refused to believe he was the only one to realise.

He tried to make himself forget about it. Neil wasn’t worth it; he hadn’t spent all day proving that didn’t give a shit to drop everything at the first sign of trouble.  
Forget about it Andrew.  
Forget about it.  
He didn’t realise he had put down his ice cream until he was halfway towards to door. Walking briskly but with a blank face, Andrew refused to let himself speed up. He wasn’t seriously doing this, was he?  
“Where are yo-”, the door closed before Kevin could finish. 

***  
The next minute he was driving through the campus. At this time of night the roads between the housing were empty, students either too drunk to drive or inside with no intention of coming out. 

He could still turn round.  
He was still going to turn back.

Andrew hit the accelerator and the car lurched forward.

****

It was easy to find the party considering it happened every year. The house was lit up from all angles, flashing lights making the dark street switch colour every second and acting as a honing beacon for Andrew’s car. The windows were all open despite the winter chill and they allowed for the deafening beat to escape from within. Andrew could swear he heard a glass shattering before it was smothered by the song.

He locked the car and made his way inside.

*** 

The music hit him like a tidal wave but instead of letting it pull him under, he stood his ground and let his body absorb the force.  
Drunk students were scattered around the room, some talking, some shouting, others pressing their bodies together and kissing whilst hoping nobody saw.  
To the left most of the people danced in what seemed to be a makeshift mosh pit. Andrew guessed that something had just broken as the crowd had all retreated back towards the wall. Andrew’s eyes caught briefly on Matt, flushed from drink and looking around, and Nicky, who whilst slightly wobbly on his feet looked more worried and angry than he probably had right to be. Just like Matt his eyes were scanning the crowd looking for something they had lost.

It seemed Andrew found it first.

Pushing out of the crowd, tripping and fighting for control, face grey and hair drenched, Neil appeared. His eyes were hooded in what some may interpret as intoxication or fatigue but Andrew recognised as an attempt to cling to consciousness. His chest rose and fell in panicked gasps as he tried with everything he had to make his body listen.

Neil broke away from the crowd and stumbled in what he knew to be the direction of the door. 

Andrew had known this couldn’t have ended well. Half of his mind had argued that he was overreacting whilst the stronger side battled that this is what he should have expected.  
One step brought him close enough that he could have reached out to Neil, put out two steadying hands and given him something to lean on. But Andrew wasn’t and couldn’t ever be anybody’s foundations.

The striker took another lurch forward and collided with Andrew torso. As unsteady as he already was on his feet there was a thud and then Neil was falling back. Andrew could swear he heard the quiet mutter of ‘Sorry.” under the bass and battled the urge to let him hit the ground.

Neil Josten was an idiot.  
A stupid, reckless boy who was shattered in every which way and made every bad decision as if doing so would win him a prize. He made terrible choices that would help nobody, especially himself, and led to far more bad than good.  
But so it seemed was Andrew Minyard.  
As much as he hated it, he had made the choice to drop everything and find this shit at a party he should never have gone to.

His hand reached out and grasped the back on Neil’s neck to halt the crash before it happened.  
“Breathe, Junkie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW WAS IT? WHY AM I USING CAPS LOCK?? AHHHHH!  
> Please let me know how you felt! Even if you just comment a :) , a 'this was rubbish', or just want to let me know how your day was, what you are up to, favourite fics, books, films, life, how you are doing blah blah. I will forever be a comment whore even if you just hit the keyboard and press enter.
> 
> Message me on tumblr too if you like because I spend my days hoping for validation and friends ...haha.....jks....hahahahhababbaba.*sobs*


	20. Ermmm Suprise...i'm alive?!?!

Erm....*crawls out of darkened room* *hisses.at the light* SUPRISE I guess...i'm alive.   
It has been so long since I posted on here that I don't even know what I am doing anymore. I'm not even going to start on the reasons why this fanfiction which i loved writing so much, got left on the roadside. Basically life just got hectic with work and college and I just didn't know what I was doing anymore.  
I whole heatedly want to get back into writing! It was about a year ago i first started posting and it made me so happy to read your comments and thoughts.  
Obviously I get that a lot of readers will probably have forgotten this fic or just accepted that it was over but I am here to ask whether people would be interested in me continuing this story or if you think i should leave it?  
It would probably be a week or two before I had an uodate ready and it would likely be a shorter chapter than in the past but would it be somethinf you guys are interested in? I would need your comments and thoughts and opinions to help me out but if enough of you are interestef i could head back in?!?  
Thank you to anyone who stuck around and again I am so sorry about everything. Xxxx


	21. A Weekend in Columbia - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil wakes up after the events of the party, unsure of where he is or what on Earth is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy! Would you look who’s back! And would you look at that..AN UPDATE! But as always this update is crap. Like I don’t take this likely when I say that I think this could be the crappiest update I have ever written. It starts bad and gets even worse...namely because not only am I incredibly out of practice and tired as always but I was rushing against the clock to get this update up for you guys because I knew that if I waited another week then the likelihood of this ever getting posted was slim.   
> I do however need to say a GIANT thank you to every single person that read my life update last week and was kind enough to comment saying they would like to read on. I never thought this fic would ever get any readers so the idea that some of you have stuck around after all these months is amazing! And also for any new people that may have arrived since last time welcome to this shit show of a fic with incredibly inconsistent updates.  
> I really wanted to come back to this fic with a well edited, well structured and with a great plotline but as you can probably guess this didn’t happen. I just couldn’t get out everything I wanted to without this update ending up at probably close to 8000 words which you have probably guessed I am not very good at. I then decided that instead everything I wanted to have in that first update would go under the chapter title of A Weekend In Columbia. It is set directly after the events of the last long ago update and covers the weekend that Andrew and Neil will spend together before class starts on Monday. My aim is that by the end of this weekend *MINOR SPOILERS FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO READ THEM* that Andreil will be well on their way to their relationship. Yayyyy! Finally months after starting!   
> Anyway I have kept you from this crappy update long enough so I will stop rambling now. It is shitty and unedited and as always I rely on you guys to tell me things you like or don’t like so that I can go back an edit this chapter and make it less crap. I am a comments whore and I really do only seem to keep writing when spurred on my by your comments. So pleaseeee leave me a message!

Throughout his life Neil had woken up countless times in unfamiliar territory; whether huddled under a bridge, in the backseat of a car or inside a derelict building, sleep should be stolen whenever a spare moment could be found. His mother had taught him that to be fussy over where you rested your head was to put yourself at risk. If you were tired you were more likely to make a mistake and a single error on his account would lead to his father’s men taking him back.

He couldn’t let that happen. _Wouldn’t_ let that happen.

So, in that moment when the haze of unconsciousness lifted enough to reveal stiff leather seats where worn bedding should be, Neil managed to keep his body still.

_Pay attention to your surroundings, Abram. You must be ready to act fast but think even faster._

The hours before were a blur that kept assaulting his brain in flash and snapshots. He remembered going to the Senior party, the music, the press of bodies on his. A bottle had smashed and his panic had risen like a wave inside of him. Everything after that was hazy. Like too little oxygen had founds its way to his brain. As if one by one his cells begun to shut down.

That didn’t explain the car though. How had he made it from the party to wherever he was now? He didn’t dare yet to open his eyes and reveal his conscious state. If someone was nearby or looked over to see his wide eyes he would lose whatever slight advantage he may hold. Allowing himself a single shallow breathe he began to make his way through the lessons his Mother had taught him.

_Number 1: Make sure you are alone. Avoid drawing attention to yourself or alerting others to your position._

  
Neil strained his ears against the beating in his chest. Thankfully he didn’t feel like threads of panic in his chest were going to consume him and take away his rational thinking. Instead his actions were purely methodical, necessary and integrated from a life on the run.

  
There was no breathing above his own; no footsteps or rustling clothes to be heard. It seemed he was alone. A few seconds passed and somewhere in the distance he could make out the noise of several cars speeding along. _Good,_ he thought to himself, _wherever I am it isn’t the middle of nowhere._

  
_Number 2: Check for injuries. A wound left unattended would lead to infection and we don’t have time to stop for something you failed to notice before._

Apart from the dryness that had coated everywhere in his mouth and throat, and the pounding inside his head nothing stood out to him as an immediate injury. Now safe in the knowledge that he was alone, Neil counted silently to five and opened his eyes.

  
Instantly recognition hit him. Andrew. This was Andrew’s car. How the hell had Neil not realised? He sat up straighter now, suddenly eager to reduce the pressure of the seatbelt that he didn’t remember putting on. For some reason now that he knew the car the smell so distinctly ‘ _Andrew_ ’ washed over him: the thick scent of cigarettes combined with the citrus soap that clung faintly to all his clothes.

But no sign of Andrew.

His driver’s seat was empty and when Neil pressed the back of his hand to the black leather no lingering body heat remained.

  
“The fuck?”, Neil muttered beneath his breath. Unclicking his seat belt Neil leant forward and rested his head against his hands, massaging away the ache that was forming at his temples. He noticed for the first time that the shirt he had been wearing open last night was gone and he struggled to place the exact moment it had disappeared.

_“Yes or No?”_   
_Warm hands tugged against the open shirt and somehow through the ragged breathing that was taking over Neil managed to lift his head to find Andrew’s questioning eyes. His face was as blank as ever but was that worry or anger that seemed to be showing itself in the set of Andrew’s jaw? Neil had always believed himself to be a skilled reader of emotions but right now as he struggled to keep himself centered to the present everything else was blurring away._   
_Another tug on the fabric sent a shock through the haze that had settled in and anchored Neil back to Palmetto._   
_He focussed on Andrew’s hazel eyes, the confusing set of his jaw and somehow through the panic formed an answer._

Andrew had been at the party. It all came flooding back now. Neil had panicked and tried to run as he always found himself doing and as had become the tradition Andrew was there to stop him. He had helped Neil from the party, coached him through the panic attack and it would seem had brought him to Columbia.  
He recognised the house from the nights Andrew’s group had retreated here to recover from Edens. It looked exactly as it had before Christmas, only now the trees on either side were bare and the grass was more brown than green.

  
It didn’t make sense that Andrew would have chosen to drive all this way for Neil instead of just taking him back to the Tower. But then again, nothing Andrew did ever made sense. Neil needed to speak to him. To ask him what happened at the party. To ask him why they were here. But mostly, he guessed to say thank you for what he had done.  
As Neil made one final look over the car his eyes caught on a flashing green light coming from above the dashboard. Running his hand along the top, he felt his palm brush over a small piece of plastic. The phone felt familiar in his hand despite how very rarely Neil had it on him. Flipping up the screen there were a series of new messages but one caught his eye in particular.

  
**Andrew 8:57am**  
 **-Wakey Wakey Sleeping Beauty. Doors open when you decide to join the living**.

  
Neil’s eyes flickered briefly towards the front door in question but no lights appeared to be shining through to suggest anyone was inside. Despite this a reason escaped him as to what Andrew would seek to gain from driving him all the way out here only to trick him or keep him locked outside. With this in mind Neil snapped the phone shut, ignoring the other texts from his teammates and made to get out of the safety of the car.

  
Just as he reached out to swing open his door, he caught sight of himself in the wing mirror. He knew he had been looking rough but...crap. The whites of his eyes were bloodshot and red, whilst his hair stuck up at all angels, fringe dried flat to his forehead with sweat. Back at the Tower he would have tried his hardest to tiptoe into the bathroom and shower before anyone noticed him but he highly doubted he could walk into Andrew’s house unnoticed.

  
“ _Okay,_ ”Neil thought to himself as he climbed out the car,“ _Let’s get this over with._ ”

  
Even though Neil was familiar with the house from the times he had come with the Monsters to Columbia and Andrew’s clear instructions to come in, it still felt strange to be letting himself in alone. The door was unlocked just as Andrew had said and whilst Neil hadn’t known what to expect from him once he came in, it definitely wasn’t this.  
Inside the house was surprisingly warm suggesting someone had, had the foresight to turn the heating high to push back the winter chill that seemed to follow everyone around. There was also, rather confusingly, the sweet distinct smell of baking wafting from the kitchen and if Neil strained his ears to be sure wasn’t hearing things... _was that someone speaking?_

  
He listened again to be sure, before he let the heavy door shut and alerted them to his entrance. Neil recognised the voice without a doubt now. No way. He thought hard to remember the cars he had seen in the street but cursed himself for not paying more attention. Surely Andrew wouldn’t set him up like this? All of the gratitude and thanks he had been feeling towards Minyard were stripped away and all that was left was the uncomfortable weight of frustration and, confusingly, betrayal.

  
The conversation in the kitchen continued uninterrupted so maybe if he was quick Neil could slip back out the front and get back to the car before the still open door finally gave away his position. But what would that do to benefit him? Sure, he wouldn’t have to face the other person in there with Andrew but their encounter was inevitable and running away was frankly pathetic when you considered everything Neil had survived up until now.

  
He would stand his ground and get this small battle out of the way. With a final check of himself in the hall’s mirror - still looking like a particularly sorry corpse- Neil ran his fingers through his matted fringe, stood a little straighter and let the door slam shut.

  
Conversation in the kitchen abruptly halted but no footsteps made to come in his direction. Just breathe, he told himself walking towards the kitchen. He hesitated two steps from the doorway but there was only so long he could hide out in the hall. As he emerged into the open kitchen the first thing his eyes fell to was Andrew, sat cross legged on the bar stool and watching Neil like an owl. A steaming mug of Hot Chocolate was clasped in his hands and just in front of that a plate of biscuits sat, one on the edge half eaten. There was also a small white paper bag resting to one side but it was unmarked and unbranded so Neil’s eyes slipped over it with ease. From what Neil could piece together from the blurred fragments of last night Andrew was still in the same outfit but splashes of water covered the front of his jumper suggesting he had washed as quickly as he could before the person behind the breakfast bar, armoured in a floral apron, had arrived.

  
Betsy looked as irritatingly happy as always. Her hair was pulled back in its usual bun and the smile was plastered across her face, with seemingly as much ease as always. Neil cast his memory back to their last encounter only a few days-or perhaps weeks- earlier and remembered how his reaction to her arrival had succeeded in briefly knocking her smile away. At Least it seemed, he was good at something.

  
She was scrubbing intently at an invisible spot on the worktop and it was only when Neil took the final step through the doorway and Andrew finally broke the silence that Bee moved to face him.

  
“Hey would you look at that! Neil finally decided to grace us with his presence.”

***

  
He should have stayed in the car. Sitting freezing on the side of the road would probably have been more enjoyable than this; having to not only deal with Andrew but also a therapist so early in the morning.

  
“Oh come on in Neil!” ,She chimed as she pulled off her apron and carefully folded it against her chest, “There’s another stool spare. Want me to make you a drink?”  
It took all of Neil’s concentration not to scowl in response to her jovial voice but he was also still in the process of fully waking up and struggled to think of something to say to shut her up. The easiest option it would seem was just to bare it out. “No, I’m..I’m good.” He replied lazily, as he rubbed between his eyebrows. He thought about how she may already be studying him and added a quiet ‘Thanks’ on to the end.

  
Thankfully she took this without argument, or would have at least if Andrew hadn’t interrupted. “He’ll have a coffee, Bee. No sugar though, he’s weird like that.”  
She briefly glanced between the two of them as if unsure of how to proceed but then decided making the drink would probably do no harm and started on the task with a impressive efficiency.

  
With her back turned, Neil moved his focus to Andrew who was still sitting on his stool looking unimpressed at the arrival. He looked pointedly from Neil to the vacant stool beside him and then back in a stare that clearly meant _Don’t make me ask_.

  
It didn’t seem worth the energy it would take to refuse out of sheer stubborn will so wordlessly Neil slipped onto the stool beside him. Still bubbling with the disloyalty of being set up with Bee, Neil did his best to put as much space as he could between him and Andrew, perching at the very edge of the stool and even going as far as to shuffle it a couple more millimetres to the right. This elicited an amused snort from Andrew but he said nothing else as he picked back up the half eaten cookie and finished it off whilst continuing to stare at Neil.

  
What seemed like an eternity of empty silence later, Betsy handed over plain black mug to Neil murmuring a quiet, “Here ya go, sweet.” as she did. It wasn’t until he had his hands wrapped around the warm mug that he realised just how dry and scratched his throat felt so without waiting for the coffee to cool he tipped it back and took 3 large gulps. It was only seconds before the caffeine kicked in with his empty stomach and he was silently grateful for the warmth that spread through him. And also it would seem for the courage that spread throughout too.

  
“So what’s with this set up?” ,he was saying before he could stop himself. “Thought that if we couldn’t have our mandatory session at home that you’d just drive out here and do if when I wouldn’t say no?” Neil kept his eyes downcast and stared daggers into his now half empty mug.

  
Unsurprisingly this resulted in an amused laugh escaping Andrew’s lips and as this could no longer be blamed on the medication, Neil turned to focus his glare on the blond.  
“You see what I mean Bee?” Andrew set his now empty mug on the counter and sat up straighter. “This idiot thinks the entire bloody world revolves around his little auburn head. You see Neil, Bee isn’t actually here to listen to your crap. She’s here to drop something off for me and to make up the time we lost from our session due to your little freak out last week. Remember?”

  
A blush crept up the back of Neil’s neck as he cast his mind back to the panic attack he had had the week before when Betsy had surprise him at the stadium.  
“Andrew! This doesn’t have to be anything more than a catch up over cookies and coffee if you don't want. Andrew and I were just finishing up so I can hang up my therapist hat and forget about meetings. Sound good?” Betsy mimed switching out the hats and it took everything in Neil not to roll his eyes at this woman. Now knowing that she wasn’t here solely to interrogate him he let himself relax a little, sitting a little firmer in the chair and even going as far as to cast a glance at Andrew in an attempt at _Sorry I misjudged this_. It didn’t surprise him in the slightest when he was completely ignored.

  
Betsy did her best to keep the conversation rolling whilst they finished their drinks and Andrew made his way through the pile of biscuits at a rate made Neil feel ill. She asked him about his classes and whether he was excited to be going back to which she got the reply that _yes he guessed so_ and that i _t would probably be nice to get back into some sort of routine._ His answers were brief and probably what she wanted to hear but for once Neil didn’t find himself overthinking every answer and doing his best to steer her away from the truth. Thankfully she made no attempts to ask about his Christmas and never once tried to tell him how _awfully sorry_ she was about everything that had happened to him.

  
It didn’t take long for Andrew to grow bored of Neil’s basic answers and so his attention fell instead to his phone for next few minutes. Or, until Betsy’s questions turned to Exy.  
“Are you excited to be getting back on the court in the next few weeks Neil?” She asked as she began clearing away the three mugs. Unsure of how to answer, he paused for a second, leaving just enough time for Andrew to push his way in.

  
“Haven’t you heard Bee? Neil is damaged. Broken beyond repair. Mind you, that doesn’t stop him from going out to parties he has no business being at.” To a stranger Andrew’s voice would have sounded as steady as ever but Neil didn’t miss the slight rise in his voice as he spoke the last sentence.

  
Neil should have let it go but something in him wouldn’t back down. “What the hell do you care what parties I go to?” He was turned in his seat now to face Andrew, sat up straighter and forgetting all about Bee for the moment. “Why should I have to run everything by you?”

  
Something in Andrew’s eyes was fighting to get out but as always he kept the cap pulled tight on any sort of true feeling escaping out. “I don’t care.” ,he gritted out, “But you are a self destructive ass doing his best to get himself killed in the most inconvenient ways. You can’t stand to be around strangers so of course you agree to go to a party. You can’t sleep but you make no attempts to fix. Tell me one thing you have done to try and sort it out?”

  
Neil racked his brain for something to respond. The bite of every word he had just been attacked with settled in, leaving him struggling for something to say in response. “I..”  
“Exactly. You are either trying your hardest to get everyone to solve your problems for you or you have absolutely no sense of self preservation. Take your pick.” His emotion from early had started to creep through as his voice seemed to get louder and unsteadier as he spoke. Perhaps in an attempt to move both Neil’s and Betsy’s eyes away from him Andrew picked up the plain white paper bag from the worktop and lent over to drop it in Neil’s lap.

  
Unsure of how to respond Neil carefully opened the package as if a wild animal or a severed head may be laying inside. Instead he found an orange plastic tub holding small oval tablets and on the side some long medical term that he had no chance of understanding or pronouncing. Before he could ask what on earth they were, Bee stepped up to explain.

  
“Those are a form of sleeping medication, sweetie. Now i can guess what you will probably think of me bringing you these,” she quickly added when she saw Neil’s clear look of outrage, “but I can promise you they aren’t as bad as you may think. When Andrew messaged me the other day to tell me about your recent insomnia I did a little research and discovered these. They’re non-prescription so of course you have no obligation to take them but they should in no way affect your game once you get back to the court and you have no need to take one every night. Only when you think you need them most.”

  
It was clear how apprehensive Bee was about how Neil would react and even if he did think this medication sounded all that bad his mind couldn’t shift from Andrew messaged me. Sure he knew that Andrew and Bee spoke outside of their session but about him? About his problems that it seemed Andrew was now doing his best to fix? Neil didn’t know how to react.

  
Neither it seemed did Andrew who without a word, slid off of his stool and left the room. For the first time Neil noticed that Andrew wasn’t wearing any shoes and seeing the odd socks (a shark on his left foot and a dragon on his right) felt strangely intimate and vulnerable when it came to the facade Andrew Minyard seemed to always be wearing.  
Unsure of whether he was coming back, Neil and Betsy were left looking at each other trying to think of something to fill the silence. “Thanks for these I guess.” Neil shook the bottle in his hand. “I’ll let you know if I use them or...yeah.”

  
This obviously seemed to be exactly what Bee wanted to hear as her smile grew again, even bigger than seemed possible. “Oh it is honestly no problem, sweet. If you ever need anything just give me a call and I can do my best to help you out.” For once Neil didn’t cast this statement aside and think about how he would never in a million years calls her up, something inside of him maybe beginning to think that for Bee the Foxes weren’t just patients but kids she really did want to help. What the hell was happening to him?  
Just as he was thinking this the sound of footsteps once again made its way into the kitchen and Andrew returned, arms laden with a large pink coat and a brown handbag. Clearly all of Betsy’s things from the coat stand. “Here you go Bee. I think you’d better be off or you’ll end up hitting the morning rush hour. Thanks again for popping in. You know the way out. “

  
He was back to sounding as cheery as ever, apparently unfazed by the act of kicking people out of his house. Neil wasn’t too sure of how to react but that didn’t matter as Bee slid, still smiling, off of her stool and pulled on her coat and bag. She of course had known Andrew these past few years as was used to his abrupt changes of attitude and behaviour.

  
“See you boys later on. Have a good weekend and make sure you are back for classes on Monday. Bye Andrew! Bye Neil!” She waved at each of them as she made her way out of the kitchen and into the hall. They heard the door close and then she was gone.

  
Neil turned again now so that he was facing Andrew and tried to think of something to say. It didn’t matter though because nothing he said would change his situation.  
It was just him and Andrew alone in Columbia and he had no idea of how quickly everything was about to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crap right? I'm sorry I should probably go back and edit it and maybe over the next few nights will read back through to make some minor changes to tidy it up, make it flow a bit nicer and basically try and make it less repetative and dull. Sorry again. Please maybe leave a comment though to make my day??


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